Angry 9 year old...

[Meandkids]

Hi
I have a just 9 year old who has a short fuse. He has always found it quite easy to lose the plot. He hates injustice...being fouled at football and not getting a free kick, and he has previously responded like a petulant 2 year old with a strop, tears, bad language and running away.

He is the youngest in his year and the smallest so he feels he is constantly battling to stay on the same page as his peers. I think this makes him anxious and worried about new situations and changes.

He can be amazing and at school he is a prince and they cant say a bad word about him. Its his home attitude to us and his sister and I am not sure where to go next. He swears at her, gets cross so easily...she does sometimes wind him up but tbf she has had to put up with his behaviour for so long. He thinks its unfair that she gets to do different things to him, go out with her friends etc, but she is at high school, so we have explained that when he is the same age then those rules will then apply to him.

We have tried star charts, pocket money, taking away the things he loves the most...nothing seems to work...he can be incredibly sorry but that only lasts a day or so...

He has spent time with the pastoral teacher at school but I am not sure if she is qualified enough to give us the strategies and tools we need to handle this behaviour.

Any tips peeps...

[Heirhelp]

Sorry I have no parenting advice as my dd is tiny. Professional I know lots of parents who have gone on parenting courses not because they were not good parents but because their child had specific behaviour problems and they found the courses useful. You can find more from ss

[Ishoos]

I had a very angry little boy at that age, he regularly exploded at some perceived injustice. I just ploughed on, picked my battles (consequences if other people were affected, leaving him to stew if not) and gave lots of positive encouragement and love when he was managing to control his temper. Not sure if that worked or if I'm just lucky as he's come through the otherside and is a joy. I didn't have the sibling rivalry to contend with though.

[Tippytoes13]

First, I would stop the older sister from winding her brother up, I would issue consequences for that, as sometimes siblings use that to their advantage to get back at the other one, but also issue consequences to your son for using bad language, which would be something big for me, as I think it's disrespectful using bad language towards people and it's something he needs to snap out of, or learn appropriate ways to deal with his anger, so maybe cancel play dates, or days out he's looking forward to, if you haven't done that already. I have three children, ones a baby, although the two older ones argue quite a lot, I draw the line when it comes to name-calling or teasing, as I won't allow them to bully one another, although both are very placid generally and quite aware of other people's feelings, as I tend to put them in the ("How would you feel"), scenario. I'm not sure if that's helped, but the main thing is you keep consistent.

[Meandkids]

Thanks guys...must be a bit more consistent and stronger I think...
Don't want to isolate him though as he spends a bit of time in his room already! I will try all suggestions, thanks for replying.