Punishment for 7yr old...too harsh or ?

[user1467762204]

Hi I need some advice so I sought out this site, my son is 7 and me and his step mother are encountering punishment difficulties, she says he is being continously lazy aka not making bed just right, walking on tip toes down street, not putting his plate on the side where she wants, leaning on his ankles (she says its bad for him), on the whole he's very quiet there aren't any tantrums,screaming or crying ever but these misdemeanors are jumped on along with a lot more. Now he's been told for the next week he can only draw or read, no tv, toys anything. Now to me a lot of the things are him being a normal 7 year old and I feel the punishment is unduly harsh. Is it just me seeing him as the golden boy as she puts it or am I right and it is unnecessary. Mainly needed to get it off my chest in a place that won't cause a argument but any feedback would be great, thanks

[MrsHardy1]

All that for normal kid behaviours? And why is a step mum dictating what you so with YOUR child? Maybe I'm reading between the lines too much but doesn't sound like she likes him very much. If that's the worst he does he's an easy child Imo.

[LilQueenie]

way too harsh. I cant even make a bed perfect and I dont know any kid who can either. So he walks on tiptoes down street. Why does that bother her? At 7 I would have been afraid of this stepmother tbh. She seems obsessive in some ways.

[OfficiallyUnofficial]

Are you his dad, or is this when he's with his stepmom and you are his mum? Hard to tell.

Either way she needs to back the FUCK off, punishment for walking on tiptoes and not perfectly placing a plate? You are creeping up to mental abuse there with punishing when he can't get the tiniest thing perfect!

And wtf is "leaning on his ankles"

[MrsHardy1]

Hope I didn't sound harsh OP. Is she your sons mother figure? How much parenting does she do?

[LiveLifeWithPassion]

This step mum sounds cruel.
Poor boy.

[MsKite]

The stepmum sounds horrible. Is she your partner? If so, leave her. If she's your ex's partner then it'll be more complicated.

[Lottielou7]

I agree that if those are the worst things he does he's an easy child. Please don't allow him to be bullied.

[uhoh2016]

If those things are the worst things your child does then I think your doing well and have a great child there.
Yes little things they do can annoy us but that's no reason to punish, my dc aren't great at making their beds but they have a go and I'm happy with that.
Agree with PP that it sounds like step mum doesn't like your ds very much. Does she have her own children? she could do with a parenting course

[Flossiesmummy]

Way too harsh. He's not even doing anything naughty IMHO.

[NerrSnerr]

Are you his dad or his mum?

If you're his dad then you need to take control of punishing your own child and decide whether you want her to continue to be a part of the child's life.

If you're his mum then I feel for you. I'd try to talk to his dad and hope that he steps up.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Way way to harsh for things that don't even need any punishment

[Cazakstan]

Why on earth would you punish a kid of any age for not making their bed just so. I'd be cautious and certainly would not be leaving my child alone with this woman. my dp said he'd be setting cameras up to see what's going on when you're not there. This is not normal behaviour for an adult. She sounds completely evil and probably jealous of you and your son. Are you married to this woman....I feel sorry for you and even more so for your little boy.

[MyFriendsCallMeOh]

Very harsh. Whoever is complicit in the thought behind or delivery of this punishment should not have contact with children. Take a parenting course both of you, you have no idea.

[BarmySmarmy]

Oh goodness, poor little boy

[MunchCrunch01]

The step mum is being ridiculous.

[BarmySmarmy]

Seriously, he can't live his life under this much pressure and with this much criticism.

7 year olds are merge tic, chaotic, curious and playful. They are very young. They need adults who enjoy their curiosity, help them explore the world and understand the importance of play.

This woman sounds like something out of a Victorian novel; hard, cruel, disapproving.

May I ask where his Mum is?

[BarmySmarmy]

Energetic, not 'merge tic'

[Ditsy4]

She sounds obsessive. Does she make you put your plate in the exact position?
She is expecting far too much from a 7 yr old(I work with this age group) and the punishments for that should not be happening. I would be concerned about long term mental health problems for your son. He will be walking on egg shells.

[FirstOfHerName]

This is a wind-up, surely?

[user1467762204]

I'm dad and I am married to her, unfortunately this is not a wind up, she never used to be this harsh at all, he was removed by the local authority from his mother due to neglect. This has come to a head now and am dealing with it, thank you for the advice

[Gazelda]

OP, I was brought up by my dad and SM. She was like your wife. I was scared of her. I plucked up courage to tell DD who said he'd sort it. He spoke with her, and felt it was resolved.
The nastiness from my SM increased, but was in secret, behind my DAds back. I learned never to tell my Dad again, because it made things worse.
Be careful how you tackle this, don't make things worse for your DS.

[NerrSnerr]

Oh my life. He was removed from his mother and now his father is letting another woman abuse him. He needs a stable environment as it sounds like he's had a poor start in life, it's now your responsibility to make sure he's a happy, well cared for boy.

[OfficiallyUnofficial]

Thank you for coming back OP, I am glad you are going to put a stop to this, don't let her twist your mind your boy is a baby still really and needs you to be his protector.

The relationships board here is really good for support through this. Good luck.

[MunchCrunch01]

Can you afford to put your DS into holiday club or with a child minder in the school holidays? In your shoes I'd be looking to minimize contact with the step mum, and thinking about getting her out of your life. Care should be caring, assuming you've got to work, find a nice local CM with a family atmosphere to look after your DS when you're at work and school is off/after school. Agree the relationship board should help.

[Jghl1234]

She sounds controlling as fuck! Not making his bed JUST RIGHT not putting his plate WHERE SHE TELLS HIM! And walking on his tip toes is she on something?? Get rid of that control freak if I was his mother I would slap the bitch..sounds like a control freak and you need to get your son away from her she has not right what so ever to punish your son let alone for stuff so ridiculous. Them punishments are for stuff like being rude to people swearing etc..your son sounds like a quiet and sweet little boy don't let him be bullied!