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Anxiety in 7yo - separation issues and divorce

(4 Posts)
Ollivander Tue 14-Jun-16 10:39:51

My 7yo Ds struggles with his emotions e.g. becomes angry at the drop of a hat if something goes wrong or he doesn't get his own way; gets disproportionately upset over 'little things' and if he has to do something he doesn't want to. I am working on this with him by labelling emotions, praising calm behaviour and when he has settled down after an outburst etc, explaining I understand his feelings in certain situations etc. This has helped a little but progress is slow. Also trying to set firmer boundaries.

One big sticking point is childcare - until recently I had a flexible part time job (family business). Ds sometimes goes to a holiday club for school hols, but recently he has refused to go, kicking up a fuss and running away from me when I'm trying to get him there. He is very clingy to me. I have been able to take him to work with me, but soon I'm starting a full time position and he'll be going to holiday club and before/after school club most days. I'm dreading the stress of telling him, preparing him and then actually getting him to comply, as I'll be dropping him off myself most mornings on the way to work.

Has anyone been through this with their child? I would welcome any advice or suggestions, I wondered if some sort of counselling may help him or if this is a bit OTT.

Added stress will come from the fact that me and his dad are divorcing, he doesn't know yet as we have been holding off telling Ds. I am starting to think it would be better to tell him now to give him time to acclimatise. We're all living in the same house as normal and will do until we decide how to proceed re the house (to sell or not to sell, am looking into buying out my H to give DS stability of home environment).

I am so worried about how he's going to handle all this change sad

starpatch Tue 14-Jun-16 21:06:17

I don't think counselling is necessarily OTT. I have been going with my son to child psychotherapy. It was for seperation issues (going to nursery) I started it but it has helped him a lot. I can't recommend it enough. It is expensive but they don't necessarily need loads of sessions and not every week.

prettywhiteguitar Tue 14-Jun-16 21:49:32

I don't have experience of this myself but a friend of mine goes away a lot with work, it has caused problems but she has been able to bargain with him, say if I have to work then, after we can do this sort of thing.

Is there any talking or reasoning with him ?

If not I agree that counselling could help him communicate and also help with the divorce too.

Ollivander Tue 14-Jun-16 22:32:32

Thank you both. I will look into therapy and hopefully may be able to get a couple of sessions in before I start work. We can then carry on as needed to help him with any fallout from the divorce, although tbh I'm less worried about that at the moment.

I can reason with him to a degree beforehand, but at the critical point he'll change his mind. Will definitely plan in some bribes treats/rewards! Am going to forewarn the childcare provider so they know what to expect although they have seen him in this state before. At least I know he settles down and is happy once he's there, they do loads of fun stuff. I just don't know why he doesn't want to go!

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