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Looking for reassurance - clingy dd starting Nursery

(4 Posts)
Chumpface Mon 09-May-16 01:37:32

DD is 18 months and starting nursery tomorrow for two days a week, after being with just me every day for her whole life so far.

It has got to the point where she will barely go with anyone else than me, except DH and GPs for short bursts of time. But even then she will still cry and look for me.

I need the space, I need to go back to work, I also have another baby coming and need to prepare.

I know she is going to be inconsolable when I drop her off and that is going to be very hard. I worry that she will suffer a lot emotionally and I also worry that she and I will lose our very strong connection.

I suppose I'm looking for reassurance about these two things. Can anyone offer me some positive stories or reassurance?

FabFiveFreddie Mon 09-May-16 02:17:22

Everything will be fine. Don't worry smile

There are big things on the horizon for her, and your life is going to get pretty busy. She probably will struggle a bit with separation but (1) the nursery staff are trained to deal with this (2) getting used to it is in DD's interests (3) she has no choice, really, she can't stay stuck to you forever (4) children are smarter than we think sometimes (5) she is going to have shed loads of fun playing with other Kids and doing different activities. Basically, it's the right thing to do, she may struggle, but you will both get through it. If you're anything like I was, it'll be worse for you then her!

Try also to separate the arrival of the new baby from nursery. She mustn't associate going to nursery with being "pushed out" in favour of the new baby. It sounds like there's times for her to settle in before you start introducing the idea of mummy having a baby.

Finally, be confident. Don't allow her to see that you doubt she'll be anything other than totally fine and happy. Don't ignore her sadness but don't give into it and let it take precedence. "I know love, but give it another go and let's see how you feel". Three or four of those and she won't look back.

Good luck!!

waterrat Mon 09-May-16 07:35:07

Ok I think what will help you is to remember that it is totally natural for small children to know and trust several adults. Modern society is unusually isolated....humans evolved in communities where babies and children wpuld have grown up being looked after by several adults not just their parents. I'm not making this up. .! There is a brilliant anthropology book called the way we lived then which describes how it worked for tens of thousands of years.

Anyway. ..back to the modern world. If the nursery is a good one and if you settle her in properly. ..she will benefit hugely from it. My daughter is 2 snd has always been incredibly clingy to me. But she loves her childminder !

It is good for her t trust others and have fun with other children. 2 days is a good amount of time and not too overwhelming for her.

She will love it. Even if there are some tears. ...she will learn that you always come back.

indecisivedoctor Mon 09-May-16 07:40:45

Op my daughter was unusually clingy in that before 1yo she was only happy with DH or I, despite us seeing both sets of gp's really regularly.

I won't lie to you- "settling" her into nursery was tough, really tough. She cried, I cried. It was awful. However, very quickly things turned around. She's 2.4 now and absolutely loves it. She's a really sociable, confident little girl.

I scoured mumsnet for some old threads on this and found great advice on strategies for making drop off less distressing etc.

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