I hate mornings

[sandfish]

So every weekday morning we wake up at 7 and have to leave the house at 8.30. One and half hours, sounds like loads of time to get up and out doesn't it. But no, every morning is a total stress fest and sets me up for feeling crap all day. It is really getting me down. But I seem to be trapped in this rut and I can't see what I need to do to change things.

I have 3 kids under 6. I have to get one ready for school, one for nursery and a baby that stays with me. DH has to catch an early bus to work so basically gets himself up and out and leaves the children to me.

The oldest one is capable of getting dressed but a total drama Llama and complains and fusses loudly about everything he is asked to do even though it is the same every day. The middle one can put some clothes on but he really would rather just be left naked so unless i supervise he just runs round the house in the buff mucking around. The baby is not a morning baby. He wakes up , screams for a feed, then is happy for 2 mins, then has breakfast, but then despite not being hungry or tired, screams pretty much continually any time he is not being held, which is basically most of the time as I am trying to get my older children to get dressed, ready and clean teeth, getting their breakfast etc.

So my morning is basically 1.5 hours of screaming, fussing and arguing. The older two even bicker whilst eating breakfast and it drives me nuts. By the time we get out the house I've been giving orders like an army general, and fighting hard to keep my temper. Then I spend the school run brooding on how much I have come to resent my life and everything in it.

Is this what everyone else's morning is like? If not how do you do it . How do I regain some sanity??

[ayesar]

May I ask how old your kids are? I ask only because I'm considering having a third and my oldest would be 6 by the time I have another. Your post have me a reality check about what it's like to have 3 kids.

I have 2 kids and I wake up at 7am and get ready for work. Then wake up the kids at 7:30. BUT my husband is home and does as much as I do. So one of us or both of us gets the kids up, changed, teeth brushed and then down for breakfast. After breakfast one of us drives the 3 year old to preschool and the other takes the almost 5 year old to the bus stop.

I would say we manage because there are 2 parents and only 2 kids. You have your hands full clearly. Gosh, I don't even know what advice to offer you. If possible maybe try to get the baby to sleep in a bit by nursing or giving a bottle first thing. If the baby would sleep in till 7:30 or 8 it would give you some time to deal with just the 2 older ones. When they are dressed you could tend to the baby.

[ayesar]

May I ask how old your kids are? I ask only because I'm considering having a third and my oldest would be 6 by the time I have another. Your post have me a reality check about what it's like to have 3 kids.

I have 2 kids and I wake up at 7am and get ready for work. Then wake up the kids at 7:30. BUT my husband is home and does as much as I do. So one of us or both of us gets the kids up, changed, teeth brushed and then down for breakfast. After breakfast one of us drives the 3 year old to preschool and the other takes the almost 5 year old to the bus stop.

I would say we manage because there are 2 parents and only 2 kids. You have your hands full clearly. Gosh, I don't even know what advice to offer you. If possible maybe try to get the baby to sleep in a bit by nursing or giving a bottle first thing. If the baby would sleep in till 7:30 or 8 it would give you some time to deal with just the 2 older ones. When they are dressed you could tend to the baby.

[ayesar]

May I ask how old your kids are? I ask only because I'm considering having a third and my oldest would be 6 by the time I have another. Your post have me a reality check about what it's like to have 3 kids.

I have 2 kids and I wake up at 7am and get ready for work. Then wake up the kids at 7:30. BUT my husband is home and does as much as I do. So one of us or both of us gets the kids up, changed, teeth brushed and then down for breakfast. After breakfast one of us drives the 3 year old to preschool and the other takes the almost 5 year old to the bus stop.

I would say we manage because there are 2 parents and only 2 kids. You have your hands full clearly. Gosh, I don't even know what advice to offer you. If possible maybe try to get the baby to sleep in a bit by nursing or giving a bottle first thing. If the baby would sleep in till 7:30 or 8 it would give you some time to deal with just the 2 older ones. When they are dressed you could tend to the baby.

[blueberryporridge]

I only have two (9 and 5) but getting them out on time in the morning has been a nightmare since ever I can remember although it has become much easier in the past few months. I have to do it by myself as DH works away a lot.

The only thing which I have found to make a real difference is getting myself up at least 45 mins earlier. One and a half hours is just not enough for us, even though I feel it should be. Getting up earlier myself means that I am ready before I get the children up and makes a huge difference. Getting the children up about 15 minutes earlier also helps. "Incentivising" the older one to get her clothes on, brush her teeth etc has also been quite effective. Maybe if you got the two older ones up earlier and sorted out before the baby wakes, that would help too.

Good luck. I feel your pain.

[gillyweed]

Urghhhhh this post scares me! I have dd(4), ds(16m), and I'm due our 3rd in 8 weeks.

All week I have been screaming in the morning, I know the neighbours can hear me but apparently my dd cannot! Same as your eldest we have the same arguments every morning about the same thing. By 8.30am I am ready to çry. It is driving me mad.

I'm pretty organised and in general the kids are pretty good, I just hate mornings and always have done! I might try a rational and calm conversation with the eldest to ask for a little cooperation... how naive am I?

[knittingbee]

My OH does the same - he gets himself ready and leaves by 7.30, leaving me (on a work day) to get myself and two children dressed, packed and fed and out of the house before 8. It starts pretty much as soon as I'm awake - "DC1 go to the toilet/brush your teeth/put your pants on/eat your breakfast/put your shoes on" but each one repeated a million times at increasing volume (and with associated threats) until the task is accomplished (with much huffing and stropping from DC1).

Bloody miserable.

[Chocolateteabag]

I'm lucky in the sense that DH will help when he isn't out the door v early. I only have a 5 & 2 year old to be up and out by 8. But also need to take dog out and let chickens out of their run which takes 10 mins or more if the dog buggers about

Only advice I have is get up earlier and get yourself ready with tea/coffee first. Then no tv/ food/ other incentive for the older ones til they are completely dressed with shoes on.

I try to channel my inner Mary Poppins each morning, sadly my inner Screaming harpy often overrules her - but it sometimes works

[lilydaisyrose]

I take 1.45 hours for 2 kids so with 2 kids plus baby, I think you might need longer. I think it's crazy it takes that long for me (get up around 7am or just before, leave the house at 8.40am and we are always rushing round at the last minute. But I'm not particularly organised - I do everything in the mornings as I'm lazy in the evenings so need to iron school clothes, make packed lunches, was and dry my hair etc - a lot of my jobs could be done the night before. Also I like to do the supper & breakfast dishes and pit a wash on before I leave which takes time.

My OH gets up and goes out too - no matter whether it's a home or work day for me. I prefer this as we've a small house and if he's hovering about trying to help, he's just in the road.

I'm pg with my 3rd now and think I'll need to plan for a 6.15/6.30am start when doing the school run when baby is here.

[BusyCee]

Yep. The same round of screaming misery here. It makes me feel that I'm a bad mother running a dysfunctional family because there's so much shouting, intolerance and arguing every day.

I agree with pp about getting up earlier. Even when I've been feeding the baby every 3hrs in the night it's a sacrifice worth making. Also I give the eldest tasks to do - it doesn't always work, but he responds well generally to being 'grown up'. Finally, we have a no tv until you're ready to leave rule. It gives me a bargaining chip - everyone needs to be clean, fed, dressed and have all their things around them before the tv goes on

[SummerSazz]

On work days like today I have to get up and 2 dc out by 7.20. Oddly this is WAY easier than days when it's 8.30. Go figure???

You have my sympathies as I am still yelling at them at 9 and 7.

[clairedunphy]

Mine are 7 and 2, DH leaves for work very early. Youngest is an early riser so we're up by 6 at the latest, but limited in what I can do before 7 so that we don't wake the older one. So we watch cbeebies, I have a cup of tea (and MN of course) and I try to get her to have some breakfast.

If I can shower before 7 then I will, depending on her cooperation, then 7-8.20 is the nagging / stressful time. I've stopped as many distractions as I can until everyone is ready, and had some serious chats with DS about how I don't want to shout and asking him for ideas about how we can make mornings nicer.

One tip that I might try is to have a really obvious check list somewhere for the older one, ideally on a white board, so he can see exactly what needs doing and tick off as he goes. Maybe an incentive for doing everything without nagging.

You're not alone though! Now that DD is fully into the terrible twos it can take 20mins just to persuade her to get dressed, so I think I'm going to need some new tactics...

[gossipgirlxoxo]

I think you just need more time - I have a nearly 5yo, 3yo and 11mo. Me, eldest and the baby are usually up and in the living room for 6 with coffee for me and kids have a drink. We are ready to leave at 8.30. My two eldest are girls and they fight a lot if left to their own devices in the morning so its easier if we try eat breakfast all together so I can keep them occupied so there is no whining at the table. Then they go off and take turns at brushing their teeth then getting dressed so they don't start arguing/bumping into each other as they go. Then I do their hair and usually ready ten minutes or so early so they can watch a little tv/play until it is time to leave. I also have a shower while the baby messes about in the bathroom around 7ish before I start breakfast as I can trust the two oldest to behave for 10 mins while I get dressed usually. As soon as I am dressed we get started on breakfast. The key is to keep the older two apart when getting dressed/ready so there is no bickering.

good luck!

[winchester1]

We are up at 510 out by 645 but mine are smaller so maybe easier. We do 10min milk and TV. Then its tv off and race to get dressed and sat at the table. First dressed get to.pick which toys they play.with from the table choice. You faff to much you don't get to play. Sometimes I add food bribes depending how much they are faffing. ( They get breakfast at nursery)

The bloody constant repeating yourself is really annoying though.

[winchester1]

Sorry out by 545

[Mominatrix]

To make mornings more sane, I get up at 5, kids up at 6:30, out of house at 7:30. That hour quiet time allows me to have a slow, gentle start to the morning.

[Helloandgoodbye]

Ok so I'm in the same boat. If that baby carries on crying put him back in his cot after breakfast and shut the door. Then sort out the other 2 into clothes.

Work out if it's better to get them ready for school before breakfast or after. I like to get them ready before but there is then a risk of them getting breakfast down them.

It's a fine balancing act in the morning and I find myself shouting, swearing under my breath calling them every cunt under the sun, then smothering them in kisses at the school gate thinking how lucky I am.

Motherhood eh?

[MrsCampbellBlack]

I do the same as mominatrix. Up very early so I can have some quiet time before the chaos starts.

Mine are a little older now at 11, 8 and 6 but I remember those early years being very hard work.

[MazzleDazzle]

Yip, sounds familiar!

The following routine works for us...

The night before -

• Put bags, coats and shoes next to the front door
  
• Put kids's clothes outside their bedroom doors
  

In the morning -

• Get kids dressed as soon as they wake
  
• do their teeth and hair
  
• then have breakfast
  
• Quick wipe of their face before they leave
  

I know it seems strange doing everything backwards, but this way we're ready in half the time.

Either get yourself ready before the kids wake, or have a quick wash and pull on an outfit that you set out the night before. Dry shampoo is your friend.

[bonzo77]

Op almost the same here: kids are 6,3 and 8 months. Luckily the baby will go in his jumperoo for a while. We get up at 7 to leave at 8.20. DH leaves at 7. Before he leaves he gets the 3 year old dressed. 3 year old watches TV while I shower. Then I tell the 6 year old to get dressed. After the shower I tell him again (7.10) . Once I'm dressed I Shout at him Again (7.20) Then I go down, start breakfast and give the baby his bottle. By which point both the older ones have drifted down stairs (7.35) Baby Goes in high chair and they all eat while I main line caffiene. Once they're all done (8.00) I dress the baby, wipe faces and if time tidy kitchen, shake duvets etc. 8.15 get 3 year old shoes and coat on, send him for a wee. Tell 6 year old to do the same. There's a lot of shouting! The oldest gets a marble in a jar for doing stuff he needs to without me needing to shout, extra if he does it spontaneously. Once the jar is full he gets a small treat (Lego mini figure etc). I do as much as possible the night before: get clothes out, put book bag and changing bag in the car etc.

[Juanbablo]

We are all up early and have our routine well and truly established now but mine are a bit older, 8, 6 and 2.

Up at 6:45, breakfast at 7:00, get dressed at 7:30, teeth, hair etc. I shower and make lunches, sort out washing and ready to leave at 8:40.

I tried getting them dressed before breakfast but they all cried and moaned and they get dressed without a fuss after breakfast so I stuck to the original plan.

[Juanbablo]

Dh leaves at 6:45.

[bonzo77]

Meant to add, when the baby was smaller and not put- down-able I showered before DH went out the house and put the baby in a sling. He still goes in the sling when he's grumpy (more the early evenings now).

[WhirlwindHugs]

Mine are 2, 4 and 7. We get up at 6.30 and DH and I do mornings together - especially in the baby days this is essential, so that everything doesn't grind to a halt while you're feeding the baby.
What time does he leave? Can he get the kids breakfast first?

[WaitrosePigeon]

I think mornings are a stress like army general situation for many.

We have to leave at 8.30 for school and playgroup. (6yr old and 3yr old).

I've started to get myself prepared the night before. It's really helping. Only a couple of things;

• set of clothes for both kids the night before
  
• wash my hair the night before
  
• make any lunches the night before
  
• make sure shoes and book bags are ready right next to my bag the night before
  

This is really helping. I also used to get up at 7.15 and no wonder I was stressed - it just wasn't enough time. I now get up at 6.30 and that has dramatically improved things. I make sure I have enough time for breakfast for me too - I never did that before.

I would try and sort a few things the night before, and if you can bear it get up earlier.

[WaitrosePigeon]

Ps mine bicker and argue too, not sure what to advise about that though...