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Absent Father help me with some sort of explination (please).

(3 Posts)
hmmmcupcakes456 Tue 19-Apr-16 20:37:15

Hello ,

I have spoken at detail to friends and family however feel like they do not provide me with an impartial view on this due to the way my DCs father has treated me.

Short version he left for OW when I was pregnant with DC3. In the beginning he maintained regular contact and when the time was right he had DC3. He had another child when DC3 was just 1. We continued numerous reconciliations despite him being with OW however (luckily) none of them were successful.
The final attempt just before xmas lead to a huge blow up and we haven't spoken since (no contact with children or maintenance payments). I have gotten on with it to a degree. Contacted him via text following DC1 asking me when she was going to see him again and got a reply about him not being well and so he couldn't see them (at the time I thought this was an excuse).
I have been as honest as I can be with DC1 in particular due to her age (8, others are 4 and just 2) while protecting their emotional wellbeing. DC1 is a particularly sensitive child and has always been close to her dad.
I found out recently that he has been sectioned under the Mental Health Act and therefore told DC1 (she brought him up in conversation) as I thought at leat this provides a reason so she doesn't think its something she has done. She's had a complete meltdown.

Please- someone give me some tips on protecting her emotionally. While I appreciate ex is poorly he is also a pr*ck and contact has slowly detreated to this level. I have received no information from his family or the OW despite enquiring for the sake of my children and therefore am not anticipating contact any time soon even if his condition improves.

Thanks in advance

starry0ne Tue 19-Apr-16 20:53:20

My Ds has not seen his Dad since he was 3( now 9). I have always only told him as much as I thought he needed to know.. My Ex had/ has MH problems but I don't tell my DS anymore than I think he needs to know ..Never tell him anything that wasn't true... but I am not sure an 8 year old really understands MH issues esp if it is something they don't live with. I also in my case think the fact he is a self centred arsole is the reason he doesn't see my Ds not his MH so I refuse to use it as an excuse..

I have told my DS I do not know why he doesn't for the simple reason it is beyond my comprehension to not see my Ds..

KatyN Wed 20-Apr-16 13:32:54

I would just say that daddy is poorly and can't see them at the minute. (Or whatever they know him as, I assume it's not knobhead!!). I met a 4 year old who told me her daddy wasn't very nice to her so he didnMt live with them anymore. I would then try to be as non commital as possible about the nature of his illness or when he might be well enough to see them. I think being honest and saying 'I don't know' is hetter than anything complicated.
It must be really tough. Kxx

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