10 year old boy lying

[movingonishard]

My ds who used to be so well behaved has now started lying. I first discovered it a few months ago and we had a long chat about why lying is bad, how the consequences if lying/punishment will be worse than if he tells the truth, stopping pocket money - all the usual things but it doesn't work. Another lie just happens again a few weeks/ days later. As far as I know all is well at school and he's generally happy - in fact others even comment about what a cheerful boy he is.
His father lied a lot and his lies contributed to us getting divorced.
I'm at a loss as to what to do about my ds's behaviour and how to stop him lying. Any thoughts would be very welcome. TIA

[Qwebec]

Well I can only give my own experience with it. As a child I used to lie when it suited me, punishement did not affet me because I figured I just need to be a better liar. I stopped when I saw that by lying I was betraying the trust of the people I loved and hurting their feelings.

[Qwebec]

hopefully someone with more experience will come along

[movingonishard]

Thanks Qwebec. I know it upsets him terribly when he gets told off for lying as I'm never as cross with
Him about anything else. He gets consequences for the lying as well as whatever he did wrong - eg no Xbox, early not bed, no pocket money, etc - things that really bother him but it makes no difference....

[amarmai]

My kids are in their 40s now and looking back , i think that it's better not to punish for lying. It didn't change anything and perhaps reinforced it by paying too much attention to it. I wish i had expressed sadness and disappointment and explained how it broke my trust in them.

[movingonishard]

Thanks, however I feel there should be consequences for lying as there will be when he's an adult. I do also express my sadness and disappointment and that he's broken my trust.
His father's parents turned a blind eye to his lying as a child and he turned into a lying adult. I don't want this to happen to my son.

[FullTimeYummy]

My experience of this is limited to what Qwebec has described. My poor Mother was always disappointed in how I lied when I was around that age. Punishment didn't work as I was just sore that my nonsense back-stories had been exposed. Nobody around me was a liar, I just did it to gain more freedom. I stopped when I realised the long term implications.

No offence intended but you seem a little bitter about his father's behaviour. I can see how you might feel the father lying has rubbed off on your Son, but I don't see how that helps to find a solution and I don't think it's something worth dwelling on.

[lateforeverything]

Dh and I had a bout of this about a year ago with dss who is now 12.

We made a point of double checking everything he told us ie following him around the house and generally getting on his nerves by continuously questioning him.

When he got a bit wound up we made the point that that's would life be like if he kept breaking our trust and he soon got the message and stopped. And so did we