Unpleasant, bitchy school mothers

[Sexy1]

Last October I fell out with a mother over my child. Her child had hurt my daughter and made her cry uncontrollably. When I approached the mother she didn't want to know, she was rude and talked down to me in front of my child who was really upset. Needless to say we exchanged a few choice words and I took my child home. Not one person came to my aid.
The next day she told all the mothers on the school playground who sided with her. She goes out of her way to let me know that she doesn't like me, she gives me dirty looks and pulls an unpleasant face when she walks past me. It's so unpleasant and I'm sick of her spiteful behaviour.
As is always the case the children are now good friends so to be the better person I invited her child to my daughters party, to my surprise the mother accepted the invitation straight away. I took this as an olive branch but leading up to the party when I spoke to this women, I was trying to be polite, she looked me up and down in disgust and ignored me. Her husband does the same. She came to the party and made a point of totally ignoring me, she stood with her vile friends sniggering at me! It was awful!
So I decided to contact her and suggested we leave the past where it was and move on. She said no! It takes some hard face madam to want to hold on to grudge.

The school run is unbearable, there is a whole group of them whispering about me. I never get asked to any social events. If i do take my daughter to a party she is always there whispering with the other mothers and they are all on her side. People are so too faced.
I am a strong person but I don't know what to do, this woman is deliberatly going out of her way to hold a grudge and upset me she is on the PTA. When I drop my child off at the school and walk home there are a group of them waiting outside the school gate and I hold my head up high and have to walk past. It bothers me but I'm not going to show it!

I have spoken to the school about it informally who will watch the situation but what can they do. My children keep asking me why I don't make friends with the woman - what can I say.bim so sick of it. Can anyone help or have they had similar experiences?
Sorry I know it's a long rant!

[magicaltoaster]

Bloody hell what a horrible situation, i really feel for you. Not exactly sure what i would do in your position apart from keep on keeping on, and avoiding the lot of them. You've done what you can in apologising and asking to leave the past behind. Surely they'll get bored of it eventually? or a new target will emerge for them to pick on.

I think total avoidance where possible would be my cowardly solution. i.e last minite drop offs and pick ups, and where possible leaving dd at parties. The fact that she is still getting invited to things is reassuring, is it impacting her in other ways though? I'd be most worried about it spilling into the classroom and affecting her. If that happens then I would be constantly going back to the school until its sorted, they can't really do anything about what happens between the mums, but if your dd is being bullied and excluded then there is a lot that they can do.

[MrsJamin]

Do you get on with any of the other mothers? I'd try and make friends with someone you have something in common with? I can't imagine there isn't one parent who doesn't dance to this woman's every word?

[icarusandhiswings]

This is bullying. They are behaving as if they are children, very mean and spiteful children.

I'm so sorry that you have to put up with this.

I find that it helps to be a little bit late for pick up, to avoid standing around.
Chin up, head held high. Be serene.

[Ambroxide]

Um, you sound a bit bonkers. Just rise above it and move on. What aid did you expect when arguing with another mum in the playground? You both sound as bad as each other.

[Sexy1]

Thank you to everyone that replied to my post. I can assure you that I am not bonkers!

I always try and get to the school last minute and avoid these people but hey I am only human and when people go out of your way to be unpleasant to you deliberately it does get to you.

[Debsy1234]

Grown women, mothers, several of them, act this way? It's so fucking lame and tragic to be honest. Not that saying that to you will help but it might put things into a bit of perspective for you - they are tragic lowlives. All you can do is what you've been doing, holding your head up. Look and act like you don't give a shit and you will start to literally not give a shit. I can't think what else I would do, you've reached out to them or her and she wants none of it. Do the school drops and don't let those fools bother you.

[Ambroxide]

How old are the children?

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

What a tiresome situation, though the one adverse comment here shows we don't all see things the same way.

OP it's frustrating knowing you have tried being the adult here. I take it they're only a proportion of the parents not all of them? How annoying it has spilled over to the other women but as you say DD is still getting on all right with her classmates so the malevolence is only directed at you. I am guessing we are talking about 6-8 year olds? Friendships at that age can be very volatile so steel yourself for further childhood squabbling and unless it turns physical the girls will probably get past it quicker than the parents.

I don't know what to suggest except be yourself and if this woman enjoys being queen bee to this extent she must have precious little else in her life.

[APlaceOnTheCouch]

I don't understand why you want to be their friends. They have shown you they are mean, spiteful and vindictive. If I was you, I'd be thanking my lucky stars that I didn't have to spend time with them. and I have been in a similar situation and I was grateful that they had clearly shown what they were like before I made the mistake of trusting them

I'm also confused as to why your DCs are commenting on your friendship or lack of it with this woman. I hope you haven't been talking to them about it.

Be the bigger person, talk to your DCs when you're walking past them, read a book whilst waiting. They'll move on to someone else eventually. When they do, don't fall over yourself to be their friend. Keep your distance. They are not nice people.

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

Unfortunately she just doesn't want to move on from your argument in the playground - which is fine, there's nothing to say she has to be friends with you or forgive you or whatever it is you want from her.

The rest of it all sounds incredibly juvenile and tedious ... like APlaceOnTheCouch says, can't you just be grateful that you don't need to have anything to do with them any more?

If you see a group of them whispering about you can you just say breezily "Having a nice gossip ladies?" or something like that.

[amarmai]

maybe a breezy good morning or lovely day or--- as you pass them may help to ease the unpleasant silence for you. As for the bully's 'friends' ,they are scared of her.I'd also keep a log of any incidents, comments etc from her , as it sounds like harassment.Is there a neighbour who wd go along with you for the company and a walk? witnesses who are not in her coterie, might cause her to think again.

[Millionairerow]

Can be all to familiar I'm afraid. School brings parents back to their own school days and of you don't fit in it can be difficult. Just ignore them but ensure you smile and nod to everyone else as you walk past. You'll prob fin theres a group of others who feel the same way as you but just get yourself out there and talk to others. It'll annoy her more of you seem to be getting your own social life. Someone said to me your good friends you can count on one hand and the others just come and go. I was socially excluded from my antenatal class and it wasn't nice as the ring leader is my neighbour. We still don't realky talk properly but the persons she hung out have new and gone. I jus know from other folk is she's really insecure and hates to be left out. That said we both do the odd thing for each other eg she took kids to school, her son came over to play yesterday which is a first as he told us she'd always said no lol. I've got over how hurt I felt but then I am not as depressed. Sometime you just have to accept and move on

[Sunshine87]

Only on mumnet have I ever heard of these playground issues with mums. I drop my DS and shoot right off. Maybe I'm antisocial but I speak to those mums I went to school with my friend who I work with but other than that I don't get involved in any clicks if there is any I haven't noticed. I'm only there 5mins.

[MrsCampbellBlack]

Just ignore them.

But in future do not try and address children falling out with the parents in the playground. Go via the teacher.

[Chottie]

I would ignore them too and agree with PPs that all problems should be via the teacher, never speak to the parent.

I had a similar situation regarding DS and I spoke to the parent and she refused to believe her DS could possibly do this. She started to whisper and talk to other mothers (very obviously about me!) in the playground. In the end, I snapped, I went off and said to her in front of her buddies "if you have something to say about me, at least have the guts to say it to my face" and faced her down. She muttered something under her breath and I outstared her. I was just annoyed, I really didn't care. She never spoke to me again and about 3 years later she moved and her child left the school.

The strange thing was whilst she was ignoring me at parents evenings etc, her DP was always very friendly and chatty, so I was very chatty and smiley back :)

I would make other friends and connections outside school, so this woman and her coven seem less important. Keep that back straight and plaster on that smile, life will move on....

[ProjectPerfect]

It sounds very unpleasant but my thoughts depend very much on the initial row in the playground, because I've experienced the other side of the coin.

I was once approached by a mum in the playground because my son had made her DD "cry inconsolably" I'll be honest I didn't really want to know - both the DD and the mother were "difficult" and she basically just wanted to have a go. It culminated in her calling my DS a little shit.

Her DD was year 1, my DS hadn't yet started reception. I didn't need to say a single word to other parents for them to view her as bonkers after witnessing the exchange.

[Allnamesaretakenffs]

Meh, why do you care what a bunch of arseholes thinks of you? If they were decent people they wouldn't "all gang up" on you and would reserve judgement for themselevs. As long as they're not bullying your daughter too, just ignore the fuckers.

[TomTomKitten]

Must admit, I'm not sure why you would want to be friends with her.

Would plug in my headphones and avoid eye contact. I find that the less you have to do with toxic people (at every level) is best for all concerned.

[Sexy1]

Hi - thank you to everyone that responded to by thread.

I would like to clarify a few points. The argument did not take place in the playground but in the park across the road after school. If anything happened in the playground I would always go to the school first.

I don't want to make friends with this vile woman - I offered her an olive branch for the sake of moving on and she threw it in my face! As for my children they don't understand that there are disgusting vile people that deliberately want to hold a grudge. As they were there when the awful incident took place in the park being children they can't understand why we can't be friends.

You are all right - this woman and her click are despicable people and i am glad I am not part of it. The problem that I have is that I live very close to the school and this woman and her friends stand at my neighbours house, she is one of the click and I have to walk past them everyday!! There's no getting away from them! They stand out there talking for upto 20 minutes - they have nothing better to do!
I am going to do what I have done and that is rise above it. There are other mums on the playground but people tend to be two faced and I just don't want to get involved.
The age of the children is between 6-8.

[NogutsNoglory]

What a bunch of hideous woman but, in all honesty, they do not know a better way to behave.

They truly are pond scum. Leave them to karma. It always comes.
I have had a very similar experience and the lowlife who has singled me out because her daughter is always in my daughter's shadow. Pure jealousy. She has formed a little army of fellow vindictive harridans...
They really aren't worth wasting oxygen on... Keep smiling.

[Freshstart40]

Hi OP

Just wondering how it all panned out as this was 3 years ago. I found your thread via Google as I'm in a similar situation! Hope all calmed down for you.

[wickedicpgrl04]

I'm wondering the same as well about how everything turned out from your situation. I'm going through a similar situation that started the beginning of this school year at my daughter's elementary school. These are all mom's of kindergartner's. The very first time I talked to this so called aweful mom on like the 2nd day of school and she asked me if this is the area to pick up kids that are in kindergarten and I said yes. Then I thought I should be nice and tell her the rules they had at the door from the day before which was, stand in a line and you tell them your child's name and then they would give you the child and she started laughing and said if my daughter see's me she's going to bolt for those doors. I stood there patiently in line and the teacher letting out the kids told her the same information I had just previously told her and she stopped and looked at me and I just didn't look at her but gave her the look as, I told you so. So ever since then this women keeps holding on to this stupid grudge and now anytime she's not the one picking up her daughter she will have her friends talk crap in line and more than likely it's about me or they will talk to someone in line and then the other person would look in my direction and laugh. All I was trying to do was be nice and helpful but now I wish I just didn't say anything or none of this maybe happening now. I just don't get why this women wants to be childish or get her friends to act the same way she does and it's bad enough that our daughters both have the same first name and at first my daughter would hear her name and try to come outside thinking it was for her but instead it was for the other lady's daughter. She once made the comment towards me as she got her kid and said, I would never take a dark skinned child home with me. So after that remark my husband went and talked to the principal and the principal and a police officer came out the kindergarten doors for pickup for 3 days in a row but of course then no one acted up. Like they probably don't bully me every single pickup but it feels like it and I know they are talking crap and they stare at my husband and I in our van while we wait for them to release the kids. I get so bad of anxiety that I was just sitting in our van til they opened the doors because I didn't want to be around these mean nasty women. Not sure what else to do but come on here and read other people's thoughts and or experiences.

[summer800]

Wow what is wrong with people behaving like this?! I find it so depressing that grown women feel the need to treat other people so horribly, and also what are they going to do to pass the time when their kids go to secondary school, and they no longer get to stand around in their cliques at the school gates?! It's very similar to our school unfortunately, I definitely don't fit in with the mums like this and I'm an introvert so feel very awkward around them. I try to keep my head down and get in and out of the school as quickly as possible. I'd also be interested to hear how this panned out op if you're still around?