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play dates - advice needed

(18 Posts)
pigeonpoo Mon 07-Mar-16 16:37:10

What age is appropriate to leave your DC alone on a play date?

DS is 3.5 and has been to friends on play date with me once and friend has returned with his mum once - mum offered to pick him up this time which I assume is code for preferring not to have both DS and myself every time?

Is it too young? Or am I being overprotective by worrying?

I don't think anything dodgy about mum - but then my mind starts thinking what if she didn't cut up a grape and he choked or what if he fell down the stairs - that kind of worry...

kiki22 Mon 07-Mar-16 18:07:14

I would leave ds with a friend for a play date pretty much from as soon as he could talk and pee without help. So maybe 2.5/3.

I think a 3 year old shouldn't need grapes cut up to eat them and if he could fall with you there. If the mums a decent person and her kids still alive your ok.

sunnydayinmay Mon 07-Mar-16 18:12:54

My dcs didn't go alone until they were in Reception. They didn't want to, and at that stage their friends were usually my friends' dcs.

That was fairly usual around here.

starpatch Mon 07-Mar-16 21:18:39

My DS 3.10 doesn't go alone unless to a family he already knows well.

tryhard Mon 07-Mar-16 21:28:00

Mine only started going alone when they started Reception, and even then I was cautious, surely that's only sensible no?! 2.5/3 years old is still so young, they'd need really close supervision to play well together. Also I've got to disagree with the other poster about the grapes, I have a GP friend who cuts them up for adults! They are the perfect shape, size & slipperiness to lodge in the throat & not budge, it would worry the hell out of me if I found out someone had served grapes without cutting them up & if I saw them do it I'd quietly intervene & cut them up for my kids.

pigeonpoo Mon 07-Mar-16 21:34:31

Seems it is young. The friend is actually almost a whole year and half older than my DS so maybe since he's almost in reception it's considered the norm

I'm torn between thinking really kind and worrying and have I set a precedence for playdates with other children too since iv agreed to it

starry0ne Mon 07-Mar-16 21:35:37

It would depend on how well you know mum.. I am still friends with a mum who our DS's made friend at nursery...

He never went there alone till he was about 5.. He has been on a sleep over with a friend on my street at 4.5...

As for grapes .. yes they should be cut up for a 3 year old.. If you are not comfortable then say DS is not ready...

pigeonpoo Mon 07-Mar-16 21:37:18

To clarify while I like mum she's not a well known friend of mine as such yet

Iv only met her through school run and attending play date previously and her attending in return to ours

kiki22 Mon 07-Mar-16 21:45:17

My 4 year old had a friend over today they played in his room for 2 hours I hardly seen them. I really don't think ds and other kids I know needed close supervision they go to a nursery at 3 with 30 kids and 3 teachers and do just fine any play dates we have the go into his room to play I check in if I cant hear them. I'm not saying my ways the right way everyone's different and completely within their right to do as they believe is best but for me its more important to teach them how to be safe, get on well and share by letting them get on with it than doing everything for them so for me that is stepping back even when its scary. I really wouldn't cut up grapes for over 2 years old it wouldn't cross my mind.

Please don't think I'm judging or insulting its just my own opinion.

MadamDeathstare Mon 07-Mar-16 21:49:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Muskateersmummy Mon 07-Mar-16 21:55:24

I wouldn't leave dd at someone else's to play yet. She's nearly 4. I think it's too early yet.

I also am a grape cutting crazy person. A friend of ours lost a child from choking on a grape so I'm ultra cautious. But most mums I know also cut them.

Choceclair123 Mon 07-Mar-16 22:29:49

I wouldn't even think about leaving my little one at that age. Another vote here for cutting grapes, big hazard not to.

willconcern Mon 07-Mar-16 22:38:05

Gosh. I used to swap having friends' DCs over to play fairly regularly so we could go to the supermarket from about 18 months.

At 3.5 my DCs were at pre school 2-3 mornings a week, with 20 other kids.

Have things really changed that much in a decade? DC1 is 11 now!

pigeonpoo Mon 07-Mar-16 23:48:36

The cutting up grapes thing - it's not really a whether that specific thing will happen, was just trying to frame that I'm not suspecting mum is a serial killer or anything other than a lovely mum. However iv only spent time with her on 2 occasions and other more practical concerns cross my mind

I'm fairly overprotective probably as he's pfb, a "rainbow" and an only. So wasn't sure if it's time to loosen the reins so to speak, or if it's normal to attend a while longer

I imagine if she's offering there are children at nursery who already attend play dates alone. Wasn't sure if that's because the mums know each other well - or that's the done thing at this age

pigeonpoo Mon 07-Mar-16 23:54:25

Also I happily leave him at daycare - but the people I'm leaving him with are trained CRB checked staff in a risk assessed environment and have a duty of care to my DS welfare.

Whereas whilst not a stranger - I have nothing but my own trust to go on re playdates

When do you determine there's enough trust?

Xmasbaby11 Tue 08-Mar-16 00:02:56

I wouldn't leave him. Dd is 4 and we stay at play dates. She has a best friend and I would trust her parents but dd wouldn't be happy to be left. She still needs supervision in her play and discipline. They often need help to play together. Dd has just turned 4 - she is not very mature though and needs a lot of prompting to do as she's told.

starry0ne Tue 08-Mar-16 08:04:00

I think you determine the level of trust when you think ready...Not when other mum feels is ready...She is still tiny.. Plenty of time for independence yet...

You don't sounds ready so don't do it

minipie Wed 09-Mar-16 14:02:22

I wouldn't leave my DD age 3.4 on a playdate. Not so much for safety reasons but more because I want to keep an eye on her in case she isn't playing nicely/won't eat her tea etc.

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