Dealing with an anxious five year old

[fantasyworld]

(Not so) DH and I separated nearly a year ago. DD took it very badly, seems a bit more accepting of it now but still cries sometimes saying she misses daddy. He sees her three days a week and he is in many ways a wonderful father, both are trying hard to be civilized for her benefit, however obviously we're human and regularly f*ck up. Anyway. Tonight he came round and we ended up having dinner all together, which we had not done for a while. There was tension as I felt that he continually undermined me in my parenting decisions (e.g. a new chart we've started using; food choices, you name it). Just before he left and while DD was in the other room I made a quiet point of telling him that I was not happy being undermined in this way and that it was unsettling for DD. At every remark throughout the night she kept looking at me with a quizzical look. Needless to say, she was very unsettled tonight. She has also been very tired. I tried to comfort her as best as I could, usual routine plus extra cuddles, allowing her to cry, singing...however it got to a point, as it always does, when I felt that my presence was making things worse and actually she just needed to hit the off button and go to sleep. I told her I loved her, tucked her in and left her to cry for about five minutes, after which everything went quiet. Felt terrible as she kept saying "I want mummy" etc, however I really do think the thing that will help her the most at this point is sleeping...am I insensitive/uncaring? I've never been a fan of letting children crying themselves to sleep (never worked with her anyway), but sometimes I just feel that she is like a laptop that needs to be force shut, excuse the crude analogy...

[KatyN]

I understand the analogy. Yes sometimes my son just needs time in his own to chill out and stop crying. No amount of cuddling and soothing makes any difference.
I'm sure if you want back within 5 minutes she would be settled and snuggling down to sleep.

Sorry about your husband messing up the rules.. Mine is very much still a d h but we had an odd dinner tonight when we were trying to negotiate pudding with my son while he was there.. Sometimes parenting with ththe child present can be really tough!!!

K

[fantasyworld]

Thanks KatyN. I myself get anxious when I'm very tired, and have to remind myself that it's because I'm tired and I need to go to sleep! In my "adult voice"!