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If you had/have a 3.5 year old and newborn how did they cope?

(9 Posts)
milkyman Mon 29-Feb-16 17:05:45

Due soon as ds just said he doesnt want a baby dd!

Haudyerwheesht Mon 29-Feb-16 17:13:54

My kids have this age gap - they're 9 and 5.5 now.

I remember when I was pregnant with Dd and asked him what he would do if the baby cried and he said 'kill it'. I was shockshockshock

As it was they were entirely besotted with each other from dd's birth until Dd was about 3. Honestly ds was never jealous and he was at home whilst Dd was tiny then started school when she turned 1 and started walking so I had quality time with them both.

Now they do still love each other and they'd defend each other to the death but they also fight a fair bit!

Sixinabed Mon 29-Feb-16 17:34:51

We had a nearly 4yr age gap and Ds also said he would kill them (twins) while preg and after they arrived, but he never did. He used to put his fingers in their mouths to calm them when they were crying and we couldn't get to one or both (driving).

They are (mostly) good friends now. Advice I would give to all second time parents (and didn't follow enough myself - to Ds and family's cost) is to make sure older child gets one on one time with both parents daily if possible. And let them regress if they want to - it will pass.

Good luck smile

rainbowontheway Tue 01-Mar-16 09:52:21

Following as this will be our gap.... I'm due in May.

Paperthin Tue 01-Mar-16 10:53:13

This is exactly the gap between my two, they are older now, teenager and nearly teenager! When DS2 was born DS1 was 3.5 and it was lovely as he could be independently playing when I needed him too, he helped me a lot - I involved him in things like going to see HV, getting ready to go out etc. But I also kept his routine, so even when I was on mat leave he still went to nursery a couple of days as by 3.5 he had his "Own friends" and routine, he was fine. It helped that he could talk, so we chatted a lot before baby came too and I thought it was important that he still did things for him (nursery) and with mum and dad separately too, so trips to park etc. When you have a newborn everything takes ages - that was a bit frustrating for him sometimes. Now however - they argue and tussle a lot, but I think deep down they love each other ! grin

KatyN Tue 01-Mar-16 20:33:29

I have a 9 week old and a just over 4 year old. Son has coped really well with his new little sister, understands that she cries a lot and that to stop her someone normally needs to be holding her. He'll ask one of us to hold her if he wants to play with the other.
To be fair she can't do much still so he's not especially enamoured yet!! But he's totally fine about her in his house!
Good luck, k

Sometimesithinkimbonkers Tue 01-Mar-16 20:37:52

I found it easy ...20 mths old DS caused havoc though as well as 30 mth old DS!!!!

Biscuitless Wed 02-Mar-16 23:27:12

Such sweet stories above! Mine is similar. 3 and a quarter year age gap, which has worked out brilliantly. Older DS loves his baby brother to bits and 2 years on there has never been any jealousy and he looks out for him all the time, holding his hand when we walk along the pavement, and so on.

Older DS has very strong memories of going to visit baby the first time in hospital and receiving a present from the baby so that's a tradition well worth following.

The newborn days could be a bit trying as DS1 would want attention when the baby was crying and sometimes acted up a bit, so you just have to do the best you can (TV helps). However DS1 was also very sweet and every morning when he woke would ask hopefully "is [baby] bigger yet?" because we'd said that the baby would be able to play with toys when he was bigger. DS1's excitement the first time baby accidentally grabbed hold of one of DS1's cars was very touching. There was a bit of a wobble when baby started crawling and could interfere more but generally they share toys very nicely and DS1 happily passes on his slightly younger toys to baby.

Good luck and enjoy!

marshmallowpies Wed 02-Mar-16 23:35:09

Dd1 was 2 3/4 when dd2 was born, now have a 1 year old and nearly-4 yo. They are just beginning to do proper playing together - splashing in the bath, playing peekaboo - it's lovely.

I don't get much alone time with DD1 now, which I missed dreadfully in the early days, but we have really good chats on the walk to preschool when dd2 is in the buggy, and now that dd2 can occupy herself with toys for a while, we can sit down with a book or two for 10-20 minutes without having a baby screaming at us.

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