Friendship Difficulties - how can I help me 5 year old?

[BigMammaC]

Hi All,

I'd appreciate advice. My daughter is in Year 1, and since Reception really has had some friendship issues. There are a small group of girls who she mostly regards as her closest friends - about 6 - and she clashes regularly with one of the other girls in the same group. They are both headstrong and try to dominate, although I would say my daughter is the less capable of the two and is certainly over half a year younger. They fall out all the time which often leads to my daughter being told she can't play, or that it will be her turn to play another day etc. They also fight a lot over which one is 'best friends' with one of the other girls in the group, who everyone seems to want to play with the most. Last night she came home in floods of tears asking me to find her another school with some nice friends. She has started wetting herself more, and she just seems really stressed with it all.

Now, I don't want EITHER of the girls to be dominant and certainly don't believe my daughter should be in charge or make the rules etc. Ideally they would all play harmoniously every day (wouldn't that be nice!). But what I need is some advice on what I can say to my daughter as I don't seem to be able to help her at all. I also feel I am interrogating her every day to find out what has happened, and she has started to say she doesn't want to talk about it and is closing down, rather than opening up to me. How can I change that dynamic?

I have spoken to the school but I think they see it as just typical disputes with girls. They may be right! But she is my first (2 more to come!) and I feel clueless as to how to help. What advice do you have? I have encouraged her to play with other girls, have arranged play dates with some of the other girls in the group (and also the main rival too). Just clueless.

Thanks!

BigMamma

[Quietwhenreading]

We've been through this- I've found that role playing some of the common situations has helped my DD. As well as giving her some stock (polite) responses to nasty behaviour.

We've spent some time thinking about the other person's motivations and why they might be behaving that way too.

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

You and DH need to play good cop bad cop - so you steal her you and DH shouts - you're mean - give it back -

Or you say "you can't play" and DH says "that's mean ... Say sorry"

Or whatever ..

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

Oh and chat while you aren't looking at her - in the car or at the sink, while she colours etc - makes a big difference

[attheendoftheday]

Typical dispute or not, keep speaking to the teacher and let them know how upset she is. Ask if the teacher can speak about friendship to the class (especially excluding people) or Hethersett there are any other children she could be encouraged to be with.

We also do role playing and practicing things to say. I also point out that playing alone or playing with someone else is OK and better than chasing after people who are being mean.