Ok, I'm taking a chance posting here as I really don't wanting get flamed for being an ungrateful daughter who expects to much of her mother....but here goes.
My mother looks after my children one day every week whilst I work and on my other working days they go to nursery. I'm hugely grateful to her for this and what she sacrifices to help us.
The thing is, over the past few months we've spent lots of time together with the children on weekends or odd days off and......I've come to feel a little concerned about how she 'watches' the kids.
When I'm there I know i am responsible for keeping my children safe etc and I don't expect her to be running around after them all the time. But when we have a day together we often do something a little less ordinary (go to city museum/toddler friendly attraction etc). Something i wouldn't necessarily do on my own with a 2 and 4 yo, but is a nice day out with company and help.
Anyway, on these days occasions will come up...... one child wants to go in a different direction, needs the toilet etc .....when I will ask my mother to watch the other child (or both) for a moment while I go off in another direction. And I stress we are talking 0-5 mins max here. In these moments I am still always conscious to check the whereabouts of both children. On several (and I mean 2-4 per trip) occassions I will return back to mum after 1 or 2 minutes and the child I've left with her is gone. She hasn't noticed, is often distracted daydreaming, and we don't know they have gone. Usually they are found lurking around a corner but the point is........they have been outvof sight long enough to disappear....When something could happen
By way of example, today I left my mum with them for 2 mins max in a large outdoor play complex, while I dumped a bag in the car. When I got back my 4yo was running around a play area. My mum was nowhere to be seen. I spent 2-3 mins looking for her before finding her in a climbing frame with my daughter who wouldn't climb down. I know 3 minutes is not a long time but during this time she has not known I had come back or known where my son was (she confirmed this). Another example was at another attraction. If left her with my daughter for 2 mins whilst I dealt with ds. Specifically asked her to watch her. When I came back dd (2yo) had gone into another room and my mum was playing with a toy and hadnt noticed.
So today, I casually commented (despite being furious) that I knew it was hard but could she try to just keep one eye out for each child just to keep a check. I said it in a very calm way. She hit the roof
It was like it was a totally unacceptable thing to say.
So, firstly AIBU to a) be upset and b) be concerned - it concerns me especially when i am not there. And secondly should I be worried about her? As in, she's not neglectful and I think perhaps her reaction to my comment shows that. But could it be something else?
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concerned when my mum watched my kids
needtomovesomewherewarmer · 26/02/2016 01:00
What a horrible situation 
Would your employer consider a temporary reduction in hours, down to 4 days a week for 3 months, maybe? You could tell your Mum that you are working a half-day from home on her childcare day and come up with a reason why you'd like to do this at her house (less driving/more time with children/lonely at home, etc). This would give you a period of time to observe her with the children when she is in charge.
At the end of this period you would hopefully know whether it was possible to continue leaving her with your DC. If not, it will be easier to broach it: "I hadn't realised how hard it was for you..."/"I noticed this..." If you do suspect dementia (I really hope not) then you should have more concrete examples to sit down with your Mum/other family members/her GP and discuss.
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