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DS rejecting dad

(3 Posts)
Solasum Thu 03-Dec-15 09:22:05

DS is nearly two. DP (his dad) travels a lot for work, sometimes for weeks at a time.

DS will always choose to come to me over his dad, refuses to hold hands with him, drags us apart if we go anywhere near each other, or pushes DP away.Yesterday we went to a party, and DS just wouldn't let his dad hold him. It is really upsetting DP, and he thinks DS hates him.

We have tried lots of positive enforcement, like holding both of our hands, everyone having a cuddle, that kind of thing, but if anything it is getting worse not better. He is fine with DP on his own, just not with me around.

Does anyone have any advice? The amount of travel is not going to change (I switched jobs so I wasn't doing the same amount of travel). Will it get better when he understands what 'daddy working' really means?

redteddy Thu 03-Dec-15 15:46:10

If he pushes you and Dad apart when you're trying to be affectionate it's because he wants your attention all to himself and is worried that Dad takes it away from him.
This fear might be being strengthened if Dad is away for long periods of time because your son gets your undivided attention for this time and then suddenly he's forced to share it when Dad comes home.
"If Dad gets all the love there might be none left for me!" - seems silly to us but it's a perfectly reasonable worry for a young child.
So, start by doing things in twos; if Dad gets a hug, then son gets a hug, if Dad gets a kiss, then son gets a kiss - and be really obvious about it being fair!
Most importantly, don't let him have his way. If he goes to push you apart, you tell him no. While his feelings are real, he won't learn if he acts on his jealousy and gets what he wants by Dad withdrawing all the time.
Things will get better, I promise!

Emi82 Tue 15-Dec-15 22:06:01

We had a similar problem when I started maternity leave with dd. My ds pushed dh away when he came home from work. What we found helped was having time everyday with just them. So I would stay downstairs while dh did bath bed etc. Also they would do something fun together that I would never do so it became their thing- make popcorn, go for a walk in the dark, have a tickle fight etc. This has now become my ds favourite part of the day and he waits for dh to get home each night now.

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