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emotions after birth

(7 Posts)
Mummyagain15 Wed 02-Dec-15 20:28:43

Hi guys

Bare with me here..

So I gave birth just over a week ago to a healthy baby boy, I feel extremely lucky that he's here, he's my second and with my first he had health issues which resulted in a major op so I'm enjoying this time around not worrying about that like I did with my first.

I know emotions being all over the place after giving birth is normal due to all the hormones but this time I feel really emotional missing the pregnancy side of things, I miss feeling the baby kicking and knowing he's safe inside me - not going hungry, getting cold, upset about a wet/dirty nappy... I sound crazy I know! I think ds2 will be my last so I'm upset thinking I'll never be pregnant again, feeling the kicks and wriggles, never having the new born stage again.. I find the love I have for him and the reliance the baby has for me totally over whelming and the fact new borns are so defenceless..

I worried when I was pregnant that I'd feel distant from ds1 and he'd feel left out, my dp has been off work since the birth and already feel distant from ds1 as he's got used to having dp around and relying on him as I'm with ds2. Dp goes back to work tomorrow and I know ds1 will really miss him. So I feel bad about that as if I've deserted ds1.

All in all I'm just feeling over whelmed by it all I think, Its obviously hard adjusting to two kids, I don't think I prepared myself for it during the pregnancy, I find second time round as your already looking after a child the pregnancy sort of gets over looked abit. I didn't feel like this with my first probably because I knew I'd be pregnant again at some point and I was consumed in ds1's health problem.

Writing it down has helped even though I must sound so odd!

Can anyone else relate?!?

Sorry if I sound totally crazy! hmm

Thank you smile

Callthemodwife Wed 02-Dec-15 22:42:43

Very similar timings here - DS2 just over a week old and DS1 has just turned 2. Congratulations on your new arrival!

I'm afraid I absolutely hate pregnancy and am hugely relieved it's over - maybe I'll miss it more when there's some distance between me and pregnancy and I can don the rose tinted glasses!

But totally agree about DS1, I feel so guilty I can't pick him up all the time or that he's having to do everything with daddy not with me. Can you try giving DS2 to your DH more when he's not feeding and having more cuddles with DS1? I did bedtime last night even though I don't usually and really enjoyed a chance to have a bit of one on one time. Also DS1 is luckily happy to snuggle on the sofa with us while I bf DS2 and I tell him how much I love him and what a good boy he is for snuggling so nicely. Has calmed me down a bit (although then I cry because DS1 is so wonderful and I love him so much!)

Such a hormonal and emotionally charged time for us, wishing you best of luck with DH going back to work - I am dreading same next week!!!

Lilydreams Wed 02-Dec-15 22:56:08

It's the hormones don't worry! I can't relate to the 2 children as my first is 4 months old but yes to missing pregnancy! I was horrendous for quite a few weeks which is ridiculous because I hated being pregnant- was sick till 23 weeks and then felt horrifically uncomfortable after that- as a result I didn't let myself enjoy it and took it for granted resulting in me regretting not making the most of it post birth. It went as far as putting a pj top on that when I was pg was obviously really stretched over my bump and when I put it on when DS was a few weeks old I burst into tears because there was no longer a bump there! I cried at seeing anyone else pg, at getting emails about being pg- oh and the first two times I went back to yoga after doing ante natal yoga all the way through pg I cried through the entire class both times!!

It will pass don't worry. For now just let it all out!!

Mummyagain15 Thu 03-Dec-15 13:54:54

Phew I'm not the only one.. Thanks for your replies!

We have the same age gap callthemodwife! That's exactly how I feel, I can look at ds1 and well up thinking how amazing he is, before ds2 came along it was like ds1 was my little sidekick, used to do quite a lot just the two of us and now feel useless while I adjust to having two! It's our first day on our own and we're doing ok, although ds1 plays up quite abit, not wanting to walk, throwing things etc which is out of character for him, must be missing the one on one attention?! How are you finding things?

Lily I can totally relate to that, things that I used to do when pregnant now make me an emotional wreck remind me of being pregnant?! Crazy isn't it. I found this pregnancy harder then the first, probably due to already looking after a toddler and like you said didn't let myself enjoy it as much or get as excited as I did first time roundsad

Thank you for replying, has made me feel a lot more normal and will wait for the emotions to pass!!

Congratulations to you both x

Walkinglikeazombie Thu 03-Dec-15 14:43:36

Hello mummyagain, congatulations on your ds2!
My dd2 is 10 days old and I have dd1 who is 2.4 so I feel your pain!
I tend to either miss being pregnant, feeling baby kick inside me, or miss having just dd1 and devoting all my time to her.
I have been somewhat fortunate with dd2 as she is such a calm baby, happy to be fed and put to sleep, so still have some time to play with dd1. Also, same as with callthemodwife, dd1 would calmly lay down with me while I bf dd2 and I would compliment her on being such a good girl, looking after her sister etc. Also, when I need to change dd2 I try and involve dd1, pretending that I can't reach wipes, nappies, asking her to bring them to me.
It isn't easy, as I miss our outings prior to our new arrival, and tend to get jelaous of my dh spending most of the quality time with dd1 but I am aware it is only temporary and will improve.
I do try and do bedtime routine with dd1 whenever I get a chance to as well, would feed dd2 and give her to dh, so at least I am the one that puts her to bed, it probably makes no difference to her but it does to me.

MintSource Fri 04-Dec-15 08:45:51

Congratulations Mummyagain!

I can totally relate to this. My DS is 15 months now but I miss being pregnant (although that's actually turning into being broody for the next one!).

I had a lovely pregnancy and an OK birth but the saturation of feelings I had in the first few days and weeks included a very strong sadness that I was no longer pregnant.

I think it was a mixture of what I had been used to for so long irrevocably changing, losing that closeness and having to share DS with everyone else (although, as you say, this feels odd as it was so lovely, too) and the huge change of focus from me to bubs.

I had not thought about it before now but I think my 'mourning' for my pregnant state only went away when I was completely back to form health-wise - ie physically healed from the birth.

I hope this helps a little. You're certainly not alone and what you are feeling sounds completely normal and rational. It will fade. Try to open up about it to you DH or perhaps your Mum or someone who has had a baby and it may help just to get the feelings out.

Mummyagain15 Sat 05-Dec-15 17:37:53

Sorry for the late reply

Walking I know what you mean about outings. I miss going out just one on one with ds1, the general closeness of it being just us and the fact it was so much easier! Ds1 is being really good towards ds2 but his behaviour has changed, generally being more difficult which I can't blame him as he must be craving attention but makes it harder and adds to the guilt! I've done a few bedtimes since baby arrived and really enjoy that time with ds1 so may make that my role and plan an outing with ds1. It's nice having a happy calm baby! Ds1 was like that, ds2 isn't quite the same!!

Mint - 'mourning' describes how it feels! Odd isn't it? I'm slowly starting to be less emotional, still feeling upset but not bursting in to tears!! I'll give myself some time to recover from the birth, it was pretty straight forward but as people keep saying it's still a hell of a lot to go through! I don't give myself a lot of time to rest either, was like it with my first always on the go so maybe taking it slower will help. I'm going to talk to dp about it, getting it off my chest on here made me feel better so can't do any harm.

Thank you for replying, has made me worry less knowing I'm not the only one. I just want to enjoy having a newborn instead of being emotional about it all!

Congratulations to you all smile

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