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Feeling completely useless

(6 Posts)
Penguin13 Sun 22-Nov-15 00:51:37

DD 11mo has an ear infection and has been screaming for the last hour despite alternate calprofen and calpol as advised by the pharmacist. DH is now trying to calm her as I was obviously doing a terrible job. I have tried everything I can to soothe her and she is just screaming and screaming sad Doesn't help that she hates being cuddled so I can't even comfort her in that way. If I try to pick her up and cuddle her she just arches her body away from me and screams even louder. I know this is about DD and not me, I feel awful that she is in so much pain, but I also feel like shit that I am not able to comfort my own baby. Does anyone else have a baby who hated being held? What did you do when they were in pain to soothe them? Is it normal that even when in pain DD doesn't want me? I worry it means something horrible about her attachment to me.

Fugghetaboutit Sun 22-Nov-15 01:10:12

If ds was every teething or ill, especially at night, he would never want to cuddle - he would scream and arch his back and try and get away too! It's not you.

I would let him lie on my bed and stroke him and just be there really. He's kind of the same now at 3 and isn't overly cuddly, some people aren't.

Don't be hard on yourself, maybe she's just overwhelmed with how she's feeling, it's not you

Penguin13 Sun 22-Nov-15 06:08:10

Thanks Fugghetabout . I did try putting her in our bed which worked for a while last night but tonight she was writhing around and kept sitting up/trying to crawl away. I think you may be right about DD bring overwhelmed by how she is feeling it's just hard to accept that I can't, as her mummy, make it better. Still harbouring a secret hope that she will become a cuddly toddler but for now am trying to accept how she is and bond with her in other ways.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Sun 22-Nov-15 06:51:35

My 2 year old didn't cuddle until about 14 months, and is now a snuggly little thing!
It's horrid when you can't comfort them. Despite DD1 now liking cuddles they're only on her terms. If she's ill/upset she still arches away. It's not at attachment problem, it's just personality I think. I also hate being cuddled when upset, i just want leaving alone!

Penguin13 Mon 23-Nov-15 08:19:41

Thanks world's. I really hope DD turns into a snuggler and not a smuggler thank you autocorrect grin. Thankfully despite a lingering cough/cold the antibiotics seem to have kicked in and she is so much happier. I guess we are lucky that this is, bar teething, our first brush with DD feeling really poorly.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Tue 24-Nov-15 00:50:01

The first time DD1 was properly poorly was with hand, foot and mouth at 11 months, it was awful and a complete shock to the system.
I'm currently pacing up and down the kitchen with DD2 (4 months) in the sling as she is miserable with a cold and it's the only way to stop her screaming!

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