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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Arrival of second child

18 replies

WingingIt1 · 08/08/2015 20:54

Hi, I'm new to this site. I just wondered if anyone could share tips for introducing a second child to your firstborn. I'm due after Christmas and DS will be 2.10 then? He's not massively clingy so I thought we'd be ok but I went to meet my friends DS the other day with him and when I picked up the baby he burst into tears! Now I'm a bit nervous! Any tips would be much appreciated. Thanks

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cantmakecarrotcake · 08/08/2015 21:50

Get some story books about having a baby brother/sister. A couple we liked are:

There's a house inside my mummy
Usborne's new baby
Topsy and Tim and the new baby

It introduces the concept in a format they can relate to.

It's not unusual for toddlers to react like that with friend's babies. I think when it's a sibling they're expecting and belongs to them too it's different.

purplemurple1 · 08/08/2015 21:56

Mine was only 16 months we did no prep and just introduced them at the hospital. He didn't really care tbh stroked her a bit and cried when she cried but otherwise the hospital was far more interesting than her or me.

He also didn't care that I stayed there with her and he went home with his dad. We were in a week so it was nice he was calm about it all.

WingingIt1 · 09/08/2015 20:34

Thanks for your replies - I will look at the books and keep my fingers crossed that my DS is as relaxed as your son was! He's already telling people mummy has got a baby in her belly so we are getting him used to the idea slowly! Thanks for the tips tho x

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HelenaJustina · 09/08/2015 20:39

Books are helpful, also be around other people's babies but don't make a big deal out of them... Just let him get familiar with the idea, and don't let them detract too much from him/take lots of your attention.

Get him a smaller Christmas present than you would normally and save the big present for the baby to bring when it arrives! When people bring gifts for the baby, let him open them.

Emphasise all the things he can do because he is a 'big boy', when baby arrives, call it 'his baby' give him ownership... All these things helped my children and I have 4...

Ahemily · 09/08/2015 20:40

Watching with interest - DC2 due on Christmas Eve (DS1 will be 3)...

knittingbee · 09/08/2015 21:15

I have the same gap. We didn't use books, just talked to DC1 lots about baby, how lovely it would be when they were able to play together. She brought a car with her which he still treasures (he's 4) and he remembers that DC2 brought it with her :)

ch1134 · 09/08/2015 21:36

Our son is 19 months and baby due in 2 months. The baby is bringing Duplo. He's really interested in babies and loves playing with dolls. I know lots of people get dolls to get the toddler used to the idea of being gentle/ quiet etc.

chandelierswinger · 09/08/2015 21:42

In addition to the ideas above, we got DC1 to buy the baby a present too. DC1 also chose a small cuddly toy, an outfit for baby coming home and a couple of gros (when baby arrived and we knew who to buy for!) DC1 really enjoyed being involved in the prep (2y6m when we announced) and was amazingly loving and helpful when baby arrived.

cheminotte · 09/08/2015 21:46

Pretty much that age gap here. We read stories with babies and big brothers in and also chose a present for the baby from him. Also made changes as much in advance as possible, e.g. he was in a 'big bed' at least 6 months before ds2 arrived so it was no longer 'his cot'.

kaymondo · 09/08/2015 21:53

A good tip I picked up on here when I had my second (2.2 year difference) was to not be holding the new baby when DC1 comes in to meet their sibling for the first time. it's more neutral if baby is in the crib and then they can come straight to you for a cuddle, the baby isn't then immediately competition!

Ahemily · 10/08/2015 07:37

Some brilliant words of advice here!

Christelle2207 · 10/08/2015 08:05

I second the book
"There's a house inside my mummy"- it's great and my DS completely "got it" when the baby turned up. I needn't have worried he has taken to him really well and adores his little brother.

Pinksuitcase · 10/08/2015 08:14

I have a 3 week old and a just 2 yr old, we explained about the baby in mummy's tummy and she was very keen to look at it and kiss it. After baby arrived we introduced at home, he was in a Moses basket in lounge and I met her at front door and gave her lots of cuddles and fuss, she then went into the lounge and we showed her "her baby" in the basket, she looked for our reaction and was very happy and she now loves him, keep wanting him to be up and giving him kisses.

Polka007 · 10/08/2015 09:54

Following with interest as my DS is 14 months and I'm due DC2 in February.

softhedgehog · 10/08/2015 11:23

Suggest that the baby buys him a substantial present! My daughter was 3, so a bit older - when I was in hospital overnight my husband showed her the new dolls house that the new baby had bought her. She was fairly uninterested in her new brother when we came home and just wanted to play with her dolls house!

imwithspud · 10/08/2015 11:53

DD1 was 2.5 when DD2 arrived. She was very apprehensive at first, kind of like "wtf is THAT". She ignored her most of the time and didn't even want to hold her until DD2 was about 3 weeks old, to be honest babies are very boring to toddlers. They do adjust though and I doubt DD1 can even remember what life was like before DD2 now.

We got DD1 a present from DD2 which we gave her when they first met, as an attempt to help her feel included, nothing fancy, just a jigsaw puzzle and a sticker book based on her favourite Cbeebies show. We also spent a lot of time talking to her before the birth about how her baby sister was in my tummy and that soon she will come out of my tummy and she can meet her. We picked out a name before she was born which also helped her understand that there would be a new little person here soon, I think.

WingingIt1 · 10/08/2015 17:20

Wow! Overwhelmed with all the responses, support and ideas! Thank you all so much - I've learned loads and will be putting it into practice! DS is moving into his big boy bed asap! And the book is on order from Amazon! Thank you x

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reallywittyname · 11/08/2015 16:56

A good strategy is to ask the elder dc questions about how to look after the baby, so they get to feel more grown up, e.g. "oh no, the baby is crying, what shall we do? Shall we give her a cuddle/some milk?" Then after a while the toddler will tell you to feed or change the baby and get to feel all bossy and pleased and important that you've done what they told you, instead of feeling like the baby is taking you away from them.

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