Managing Anger

[LadyLuck81]

My daughter is 3years 8months and often gets frustrated and angry.

I'm not concerned about any wider behavioural issues. Its all in response to things I'd expect her to have to learn to navigate through such as not being able to have exactly what she wants, not getting her way immediately, not being able to do something by herself and similar.

She is in a phase where she will scream, shout and stomp right in my face and I don't like it.

I acknowledge her anger and let her know that it's ok to be cross but that she shouldn't direct it at people (she has form for hitting and kicking me at really bad times too).

So far I've got her going to her room for thinking and calm down time in her own space. But I wonder if there are any strategies for her helping her in managing her anger at the point it happens.

If anyone has any tips or things I can try. She's pretty good at telling me if something works for her. I've tried naughty step for bad behaviour in the past but we just didn't get on with that style.

[KatyN]

Have you explained how you deal with anger.. Breathing deeply, crying, going for a walk, running on the spot?
My boy is struggling with big emotions at the minute (same age) and I realised he doesn't know how to express them.

So frustration, I know he likes to be left on his own to work something out. Anger he needs time in his room alone to calm down. Fear or shock he needs a big cuddle and reassurance.

Th hard thing is any emotion I just like a cry, but that might be because I'm pregnant!!

[squizita]

Many people (not just kids) don't just calm down using reflection. They release adrenaline and counting to 10 or quiet just delays it, or leaves them with a hormonal sick/empty/restless feeling. Particularly with girls we tend to assume quiet time is a fail safe ... but have you tried burning off the rage? A harmless but intense burst of energy eg. Run 5 times round the garden flailing wildly, splat some play dough or a bean bag down hard a few times, run intensely on the spot. Then have some solution/expression calm time when she explains and you think together about how to make it easier next time (or why it's just got to be that way if it is a rule or fact).

[LadyLuck81]

Thank you both for the replies and the ideas.

I like the idea of a physical activity of some sort to diffuse the immediate anger followed by the hug or quiet thinking depending on what she needs.

To be honest it's almost as much about me having a strategy so I don't get cross in return.

[lotrben17]

my dd and my sister are both prone to rage - if my dd is hitting/kicking, i've found shutting myself and my other dd away more effective because she burns herself out much faster if i'm not there to rail against. I agree she needs energy release - my sister was told to punch pillows or pummel safe things in the garden - might be worth googling for strategies for safe energy release - my DD wouldn't be persuaded to run/dance etc when she's in the anger phase and also won't go to her room etc.

[chumbler]

try watching the latest episode of 3 day nanny on channel 4 (catch up online), it has strategies for anger x