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How can I be the perfect mum?!

(9 Posts)
Bangonthedoor Mon 27-Jul-15 18:58:10

Feeling pretty down today about my parenting abilities. I understand (hoping) there's probably no such thing as the perfect mum but I'm hoping someone can give me some tips on how to be a better
one?

I have 2 DD's 3 and 5 months. I'm finding it nearly impossible to be the right type of mum to both of them at the same time. When DD1 is at nursery, I can manage fine with DD2 and when DD2 is napping, me and DD1 get some nice time together. But other than these times one of them misses out on interaction, obviously it's more often DD1. I feel awful saying to her things like "no I can't sit and do puzzles because DD2 needs settling" or "no I can't play hide and seek because DD2" needs feeding.

And often when DD1 does get some nice time with me, DD2 has to go through it all getting no or little interaction. Such as days out etc.

Does anyone have any tips on how I can give them both equal time? DD2 is going through a really grizzly stage and quite often won't be happy just sat on my lap anymore.

I feel guilty every day one way or another hmm

Thanks in advance.

EatShitDerek Mon 27-Jul-15 19:01:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tory79 Mon 27-Jul-15 19:07:32

In all honesty I think that's just how it is with children of that age - their needs are so different that's impossible to please both at the same time.

I have a 3 year old and a 10 month old, and my days are exactly like you describe, fab if I only have one of them, but if they're both at home and awake it's just a constant guilt trip for one or the other. I am beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel though, as ds2 becomes a bit more interactive, he rolls balls, knocks down towers etc which is a bit more interesting for ds1.

Don't beat yourself up about it. In the grand scheme of things it's only for a short period of time, and then they will be playin with each other and ignoring you!

JellyMould Mon 27-Jul-15 19:10:59

Honestly, it's good for kids to realize they have to wait sometimes for your attention. I know it feels hard when they're both so little but soon they'll be interacting together at it will be all heartwarming.

Bangonthedoor Mon 27-Jul-15 21:34:02

Oh thank you all, you've made me feel better already. I swear being a mum involves feeling constant guilt?! Im always trying to think of ways to better my skills as a mum.

Itsallaboutme3 Mon 27-Jul-15 21:37:51

Oh i remember this time last year feeling exactly the same. A year later and it is so different, they love playing with each other and ds2 follows ds1 everywhere. They are so lovely together. I often look back and think how did i ever manager, but i did and honestly it does get easier

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain Mon 27-Jul-15 22:31:57

I have a 3 year old and 11 month old so I totally get it. I feel like my eldest gets ignored because the baby always needs something, it's so hard.

Roseybee10 Tue 28-Jul-15 03:07:03

I'm totally there! 5 month old and 2 almost 3 year old girls. Feel so guilty all the time and worry I rely too much on TV and leave dd1 to play alone too much. Dd1 isn't at nursery yet and has stopped napping so I usually have both every day. It's hard but we're finding our groove and getting there. Sometimes I feel bad for dd1 thT we had another baby but then I see how much she loves her sister and I know that it'll benefit her more than not. X

Bangonthedoor Tue 28-Jul-15 10:59:20

Thank you itsallaboutme3 it's nice to read that and see light at the end of the tunnel.

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