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Compromising my parenting values(5 Posts)
I'm really starting to resent having to compromise on how I raise my DC
I'm confident in my parenting choices but unfortunately they don't seem to be matching my DH's parenting style. Eg would be, DD is a fussy eater, I feel he has contributed to this by giving in and letting her have too much fast food and giving alternatives when she doesn't eat a meal.
Or he's more relaxed about bedtimes whereas I feel a routine is important. Neither of us are right or wrong particularly but because it's not my way, I feel his way is wrong. We were raised completely differently so if I question his way it's like saying his family did it wrong with him.
Please give me some perspective. DC's are only young and I fear this divide in our ways will deepen as new parenting challenges crop up over the years. I've tried to talk to him, and he sometimes agrees with me but then starts again a a day or two later, or he goes on the defensive and the talk isn't productive. Im aware I sound like a control freak... I didn't know that having DC would make me feel like this. If it was a friend Id say to them that they are not just your children
Unfortunately it's not an easy fix - as you are aware just doing it your way would reverse the situation and he would feel as you do.
Could you do something 'evidence' based. Eg. If bedtime routine over 2 weeks has dc struggling and not sleeping, try the other approach. But if loose routine has them grouchy in the day, clearly routine is best.
So re frame the thinking away from "my way your way" to "there are several ways of doing this, which seems to work in this family?"
This is difficult, but unless you are very lucky and always of the same opinion, parenting is about finding compromises.
Despite your very different upbringing, both you and your dh turned out to be quite decent adults - just bear that in mind!
You should sit down quietly (not during an argument about parenting!) and discuss your differences. See if you can decide on a course of action that you both agree on.
Dh and I had to find a way to negotiate our different approaches, and the kids are aware that we parent differently but don't undermine each other.
Thanks for your replies and for not flaming me. Yes we need to talk again.... He's away with work quite often and I see the benefits to 'my way' and struggle to adjust when he's around although he pulls his weight it's not as though he's leaving it all to me. I know young children are notorious for being fussy eaters but I can't help feeling like he's caused it. I don't want them to grow up spoiled and entitled which is the way I feel his parenting style will lead. I really need to talk to him again
I think it's important to discuss how your family will do it, agree and stick to it. That will include not doing everything your way! It will be more beneficial to your children to have united parents than to stick to a routine every time. Remember that your dh's family raised him to be a person that you love so cannot be entirely bad.
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