Mortified by daughter repeating what we'd said to another parent - any advice?!

[SJane45S]

We moved to a new area at the start of the year and my daughter started a new school. She'd had lots of friends at her old school and initially found it really difficult fitting in - she missed her old friends, it's a split age group class and one particular little girl wasn't being very welcoming to her. This kid was also shutting out another new girl, ignoring them both if they spoke, pretending they were invisible, not letting them play etc.

Anyway, we spoke to the teacher and told our daughter if this little girl isn't being nice to you and pretending you're invisible then don't try and play with her, keep your distance and make other friends. My husband also wasn't keen to invite this child to our daughters party (to be fair, it was a very small party and we only had very limited numbers that could come). As is the way of things, the two girls have without interference sorted out things between the two of them and have become good friends and we did invite her to the party.

Last night she was over for a play date at this girls house - when my husband picked her up, our daughter in front of the girls Mother, twice said in a very loud voice ' Daddy, why did you say unkind things about xx?'. Completely mortified he ignored it and had words with our daughter when she got home.

I've sent a thank you text to the Mother and suggested the little girl come over ours. I guess there is a good chance now that she won't want to come! As well as being very embarrassed I'm more concerned that what seemed to be a good friendship developing for the girls might now be torpedoed! Any advice - leave things as they are, hope she didn't take offence or potentially make things better/worse by speaking to the Mum? I don't know her at all and she's been very friendly by text (but may not be now!).

[proudmama2772]

They probably didn't even pick up on it. You are doing the right things - just act natural around them.

This is parenthood.

[AmyElliotDunne]

I've had a similar thing with my DD falling out with a new girl who was trying to 'steal' her best friend.

Also with DP's DD who can be a bit mean to my dd sometimes. DD told dsd I'd said she was her mortal enemy, just like the girl at school. Luckily it's obviously not the sort of words I'd use, so DP believed me when I explained what I'd actually said, which was just not to play with her if she was being mean. I told her that some kids enjoying winding up others and get a kick out of turning friends against each other, which was aimed more at her school friend than DSD.

I think most parents take it with a pinch of salt when their DCs report something heard second hand so don't give it too much thought and if you invite the girl round it shows that you don't have a problem with her, so the parents are more likely to disregard what your dd said if they heard her.