I want to run away from my kids!

[Missdefeated]

I feel like I'm in my own personal hell- everyday, all day

I can't cope with my children any more and I don't know what to do. I have 3 children. Oldest has just turned 4 and DTs are 23 months.

Everyday is just awful. My DTs are never content- all I hear is crying/ screaming. They cry in the car, the pushchair, because they're walking. They take toys off each other around then end up crying. They scream because they are hungry. However they are such fussy eaters every single meal they throw their food on the floor. They just fling their bowls across the room. But then I've had to put up with them screaming & pulling at my legs for the last 45 mins because they are so hungry! My older child isn't as fussy, but now she's learning off them and I caught her spitting her food on the floor today. I'm sick of cooking and putting food in the bin.

My oldest is so aggressive. She is so rude to me. She has a speech delay so I've always put it down to that but she can communicate quite well, it's just not very clear. But if anything doesn't go her way all I hear is a really aggressive growl/ grunt. I'm sick of hearing it. She hits her sisters about a million times a day. So I'm always trying to comfort one of them (while the other one cries cos I'm hugging the other- they won't share me).

None of them do anything I ever ask. I know that's normal. But everything is such a uphill struggle! We're late for nursery every day- I'm up with them at 6am and I don't stop sorting them out until we leave the house at 8:45am (although we should leave at 8:30).

They have plenty of toys- they hardly play with them. They just harass me instead. They won't go to their dad- I find it so suffocating!

I feel like they never see the nice side of me and because of this they are going to turn into the worst of me.

I used to be a gentle person. I used to consider myself a kind person who always put others first- why aren't I like this with my family? Im always shouting at them & we're stuck in an awful cycle. I don't feel like myself any more. I don't know what to do. I feel sick with anger so much of the day. I just don't know what to do. I just want to run away.

Has anyone been in a similar position and it has got better?

[Singlegaymumofonetoddler]

Just wanted to acknowledge your post. I don't have the same situation but I know how it feels to not feel like yourself anymore and feel like it won't get better.
Motherhood is hell no one ever tells you this and that's why we all feel so alone and crazy!
Join lots of mummy groups, tell people how you feel and ask for help. And know it won't always be like this xxxx

[Elmofan]

Oh Lovely :( you sound exhausted to me .. You need to spend some time away from them , maybe leave them with their dad for one hour per day ? just so you can go for a walk to clear your head or meet a friend for a cup of coffee to let off steam . maybe let dh/dp give them dinner if possible .

My dc's are 16 & 9 years old now and YES it does get easier :)

[Missdefeated]

Thanks for your replies.

My DH works long hours, which means I don't get help in the week, but he's v helpful at weekends. So I do get a break then. My oldest has 15 hrs a week at nursery, but the DTs won't go until they're 3. I'm hoping when they're all at nursey I'll feel a bit better as at least I'll get a breather. It feels a long time away and I hate the fact I'm wishing their lives away.

[Chickz]

I can't offer any advice but it sounds really hard for you. I hope things improve soon and that you get some time out. Good luck.

[Lalakels]

I found this post as I am currently hating motherhood, feel like a terrible mother, and am consequently drinking far too much. My kids are much older so it’s not strictly relevant- but I’d love to know you are ok now xx

[Lalakels]

I hope she’s ok too. I also found this post because I am hating motherhood. It’s making me self destructive and that’s got to be affecting my kids. I know I am too soft and I recognise that I always wanted to be nicer than my mum was to me And I 💯 over compensate for their dad leaving. And I am ridiculously inconsistent and I hate rows so I back down to easy. In short; it’s my fault my beautiful girls are 1) horrid and the other one 2)too desperate to please. But I am only just surviving and drinking too much and being emotionally unavailable and obsessing about escaping and then being better off with their dad. Which says a lot about my emotional state because he is (at last) a loving dad but totally emotionally retarded and, a practical and financial mess. My choice currently seems to be between abandonment or suicide. I doubt I’d do either but how sad to keep surviving a life that feels like this 😢

[Umberta]

Dear @Lalakels I couldn't just read and not reply. Please get help. You've posted at really odd times (if you're in the uk) and I think you've posted once and then mistakenly replied to yourself thinking it was someone else. You mentioned drinking and I wonder if you're drinking late at night, large enough amounts that it's making you confused... please get help for it. Dont worry about your girls being affected, you clearly care about them a lot and so I'm sure you're not a bad mother, but get help for yourself because you sound unhappy and ill and you deserve better. Also btw my dad also left when I was a baby, but I never needed any "over-compensation" because my mum was always enough. I'm sure you are too. Take care

[Ren3e]

I feel the exact same way....I feel like I am drowning, and I can't breathe.

[Jupiter22]

I hope you’re okay now and if so, what did you do to get better?