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Advice welcomed!!

(4 Posts)
Lauly5 Thu 05-Feb-15 10:23:42

Right so me and the ex split up when our daughter was 3 months old. She is 22 months now. She has always gone every other weekend Friday afternoon- Monday afternoon. For the past 4/5 months although she is fine when she is going and happily goes in the car when she arrives home on a Monday its like she's thought she was never going to see me again. I can't move she's attached to me. She is a fantastic sleeper but for them first few nights arriving back she cries for me all day and all night! It takes about 4 days to settle her back in and for her to feel secure that I'm not going anywhere. I really don't know what to do? Do I stop her staying out over night when she's with the ex? I want them to have a relationship and I know they adore each other, I just don't want to confuse my little girl. Or in years to come for her to feel Insecure. Any advice?

Katekoom Thu 05-Feb-15 15:15:32

Maybe discuss with him. Talk to her on the phone morning and bedtime to reassure her. I suppose its important for him to communicate the message to her while shes in his care.

NickyEds Thu 05-Feb-15 15:25:33

Discuss it with your ex, I'm sure he wouldn't want her to be upset either. Is she the same with him, taking a while to settle etc? Maybe split the days away up into two chunks so she's not away for such a long spell, maybe Friday and Saturday and Wednesday nights?

Lauly5 Thu 05-Feb-15 17:25:14

I've tried to talk to him about it, he says its a phase. I understand that children go through phases but this seems to be going on for a long time and if you saw how upset she gets. He wouldn't tell me if she was upset whilst she was with him if I'm honest, he thinks this is me trying to cut him out, he couldn't be more wrong. She doesn't cry for him but I suppose she's used to only seeing him when she does. I facetimed her recently when she was with him and she was hysterical saying cuddle to me. So he asked me not to FaceTime again as it upset her. I ask her everyday if she wants to talk to daddy and she says no, if he calls she won't take the phone. I don't for one minute think she doesn't enjoy herself when she's with him he's fantastic with her as are his family I just dont know what to do? Not only is it really hard work when she comes back it breaks my heart thinking she thinks I would leave her. As for the splitting the access, we live 45mins apart but you'd think it was the other side of the world. He says he can't have her midweek due to work,yet I manage it fine. I invite him and his new partner up for tea often, so my daughter can see we all get on and it's normal yet he can't travel up again due to work apparently. I'd be quite happy never to set eyes on him again but I make an effort for my daughters sake.

Cheers guys sorry to waffle

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