Germ obsessed?

[sugarsinner]

I could use your opinion as to whether you think I have a problem or whether you think I'm right to be annoyed.
My other half is terrible at keeping his germs to himself, every cold, bug he gets he passes on to myself and our baby. I know- you're thinking yep that's normal. And I know it is. But his efforts at keeping his germs to himself are pretty much zero.
He came down with another full blown head cold last week and so I kept his contact with DD to a minimum and ran around like something gone mad, doing everything myself to reduce the chances of DD getting it. The short periods of time my DH had my DD whilst I.cooked, I constantly had to get on at him about washing his hands after blowing his nose before touching her etc. Then I walked in and he was kissing her ggrr.
So after a week of me doing bath time, bedtime, morning feeds, dressing and changing in a bid to keep her away from his germs, she's caught it anyway.
Darling DH is fast asleep as he has work tomorrow and I've been up with a very poorly DD since her bedtime, which was 7pm. Yawn.
DH just says 'ah well she's bound to catch things' fair enough she is. But when he makes no effort whatsoever to keep his germs away, I feel so annoyed. Yet again, it's me having to look after our daughter while he rests.
He never washes his hands after blowing his nose, kisses her when he's ill, lets her lick his disgusting, germ covered fingers, leaves his dirty tissues lying around. I'm so annoyed that she keeps catching his colds and bugs (he's had a lot this year) and fed up of getting on at DH all the time. I wash my hands all the time (too much) and perhaps have a problem where germs are concerned but I'm so angry he's passed his germs on again. Is this ridiculous?!

[PostcardsFromAbovetheChemist]

It is maddening, and I certainly don't think you have a 'problem', but I think you are being a bit unfair on DH. How would you like it if someone banned you from kissing your baby for a week!? I think where you write, So after a week of me doing bath time, bedtime, morning feeds, dressing and changing in a bid to keep her away from his germs, she's caught it anyway kind of answers your own question - she will probably get his germs just from being in the house with him, off things he has touched, the air etc.

I hope you managed to get some sleep last night after your post . FWIW, if DH is getting loads of bugs could you try getting him to take echinacea drops? I scoffed at them until I was talked into them a few winters ago when I got caught in a cycle of colds one after the other, and they really did seem to boost my immunity to the point that I stopped getting ill.

[Seeline]

I think you are being a bit OTT to be honest. DCs do catch things, gradually their immunity improves as they catch more things. If she has never had a cold by the time she starts school, she will catch everything going. I am assuming she hasn't got any additional health need like asthma?
Encourage basic hygiene - washing after the loo, before handling food and eating etc, but you can't ban the poor man from the house every time he goes down with something.
Perhaps look at DHs diet etc and see of you can improve his immunity.

[Seeline]

Oh and by the way - what happens when you get a cold? Do you hand DD over to your husband for the 4-5 days and not have anything to do with her?

[Bunbaker]

I don't think the OP is being OTT. I bet she ends up looking after the poorly baby and not the husband.

When DD was a baby she had a tracheostomy. Looking after a baby with a trachy with a cold was a nightmare. In fact her first cold landed her in hospital with a nurse having to suction her every few minutes over a 72 hour period. I simply could not have stayed awake for this long.

When OH caught a really heavy cold I banned him from going near her. He slept in the spare room as well. DD managed to not get this cold thanks to our vigilance.

[Seeline]

Bunbaker - I did specifically say I was assuming that there were no other medical issues. Obviously in a case such as yours, keeping baby bug-free is a different matter entirely. I hope your DD is better now.

[sugarsinner]

I don't tend to hand her over seeline, I just remember to wash my hands after blowing my nose.
I knew how this thread might come across. The issue here is his reluctance to carry out basic hygiene and then leaving me to the hard work when DD catches his bugs. He's quite happy to hand her over when he's ill, it means he doesn't have to do anything.

[sugarsinner]

Hope your DD is better now Bunbaker, although I see your situation a lot different than mine. I can see exactly why you would be so careful around her. I know my case might come across a little OTT in comparison.

[WowOoo]

I think you are being slightly over the top.
But I can certainly relate to it.
Your dd would probably catch bugs from wherever you take her at this time of year.

Why is Dh getting so many bugs?
Does he have a poor immune system?

Tell yourself that with every bug your dd gets, she's building up her immune system. Hope everybody gets better and well rested very soon.

[Thurlow]

There's two issues here.

One - yes, he should be washing his hands more and throwing away his tissues. That's just basic hygiene, and YANBU to tell him to do that.

However - you tried to limit a dad's exposure to a child just because he had a cold? Sorry - I can understand completely if the child has health issues, but if not - that's one of the most OTT things I have read in a while.

It's one thing to encourage normal hygiene in the whole family, but children do need to catch these bugs in order to gradually build up their immunity.

[WowOoo]

Woah, few too many 'bugs' mentioned there.Sorry!

[sugarsinner]

My decision to 'limit dad's exposure to his child' was also a way of allowing him to get the rest he needed. I ought to have mentioned this is my original thread... difficult to be articulate and remember to cover every base at 1.30am and awake with poorly child.

[sugarsinner]

Before any other flaws are found in me taking over looking after our Daughter whilst DH was ill, I should also point out that he requested me to as he was utterly drained.
Too many people on mumsnet are quick to criticise mums decisions when they are clearly, tired, stressed or anxious about their childrens wellbeing. It's almost like people lurk on here and wait to have a go. So much for female solidarity. Sorry, but it's true.

[Molotov]

I think there needs to be some sign from your DH that he respects your wishes: if he could follow basic hygiene practices, I think that would be good!

But, you can't stop him kissing her or being close to her. Maybe no lip kisses when he has a cold; putting something to his nose and mouth when he sneezes; washing his hands after 'catching' the sneeze; immediately throwing used tissues away.

[Molotov]

FWIW, you don't sound germ obsessed. It sounds like you live with someone who is lax with personal hygeine (wrt to this situation) and you'd like that to change.

[00100001]

your baby is allowed to get ill and be exposed to germs - thats how she'll get a decent immune system.

Being too clean will make her more ill.

[00100001]

I've never known anyone to wash their hands after blowing their nose... that's a bit OTT. Why would you?

But, he shouldn't be sneezing in 'the open' that's just basic manners, let alone good hygiene.

[Bunbaker]

"I've never known anyone to wash their hands after blowing their nose... that's a bit OTT. Why would you?"

Why wouldn't you? If I am not touching anything else I wouldn't wash my hands after blowing my nose, but if I am cooking or typing etc then yes I would. It is the quickest way to pass cold germs on.

[Haggisfish]

Ott in my opinion, including washing your hands after sneezing/blowing your nose. Bet those of you who do this don't have any fewer colds than me. Obviously if I am cooking I wash my hands or if I sneeze into my hand with no tissue, but blowing my nose?!

[Bunbaker]

I learned when DD was little and very vulnerable that more cold and flu germs are spread by touch than by breathing over people. IMO it isn't OTT to wash hands after sneezing/blowing your nose if you are touching something afterwards that other people will touch.

If I was just sat on the settee with a cold I wouldn't wash my hands after every nose blow, but I would if I was in the middle of cooking.

[00100001]

Why wouldn't I?

Because of the tissue between my hand and nose...?

[coalscuttle]

How old us your dd? When she is at school or preschool there will be twenty other snotty toddlers smearing their snotty hands over everything she touches, coughing and sneezing near her. I'm sorry but I think you sound really OTT. If you don't let her immune system deal with plenty of germs now she is going to be hit much harder when you cant make sure that no one touches her unless they have washed their hands first.

[Bunbaker]

Because tissues are porous. Unless you are using several tissues each time you blow your nose then you will get germs on your hands. I have done a bit of googling on this and every website gives a list of when you should wash your hands, and on every list is after sneezing or blowing your nose.

[ch1134]

I have a cold at the moment and have spent all day with my son (12 months). I can't imagine having to wash my hands after every nose blow. .. I 'm blowing my nose about every 20 seconds and have got through 4 packets of tissues! I also couldn't prevent him from shoving his fingers in my mouth, kissing me, and wanting to share food. Pretty sure he gave this one though, so I guess he's immune now but still, it would be very hard to keep away from your own baby when you have a cold... and not good for your relationship with them.

[squizita]

My dh is scrupulous when he has a cold. Poor guy keeps dd at arms length even though he wants to hug and play.
She gets the cold anyway! Every time! I think it's impossible not to.

[ch1134]

Oh, and if my husband told me how to behave around my baby when I was feeling poorly I would be really upsetting. But that's a different matter.