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Did I overreact at unwanted breastfeeding advice??(17 Posts)
I took my 4mo baby swimming this morning and she loved it but afterwards got vv upset in the changing room. She was screaming her little head off so I decided to feed her to see if that would calm her down. It didn't unfortunately and she didn't take the feed. While this was all happening a very rude lady approached and said she had lots of breastfeeding experience and I wasn't doing it properly as baby should;t be crying. She said I must be covering her nose with my breast and that is why she is crying and that I should be careful so as not to risk preventing her breathing!!! Now, I know that this can be an issue with breastfeeding as I was advised about it in the hospital early days. However, I really don;t think this is what was wrong, I think she was just really upset at getting cold in the changing room and was crying because of that. I made the mistake of thinking a feed would calm her when I should have calmed her before the feed. The issue is I did not appreciate this woman's intervention. I think it was the way she spoke to me more than anything. I was quite upset and I told her her advice was not appreciated and that it was her at risk of stopping breathing, not the baby!!! Oops, did I overreact and should I have just appreciated her advice, albeit I didn't agree? Or was I right to get irate about this? Anyone else had any experience of getting unwanted parenting advice in public??
She was a busy body. You will meet lots as a parent. Up to you whether you are polite in response or not.
She offered unasked for advice. Your response might make her think twice about doing it again. Even if she meant well she was condescending. Unfortunately, it seems the norm for strangers to do this. You will be told your child is tired/cold/shouldn't be out at this time etc. Somehow these people will know exactly what is up with your child without knowing them, over and above you who has been with them all the time!
I get some, but I never manage a response, I generally blush and just stare with doe eyes at the person. I can't even say anything, it's like a stunned silence, they just walk off confused then haha
Unwanted Advice gets my goat. I know I should be the bigger person and smile and wave boys smile and wave but I. Just. Can't.
The best I can do is a forced rictus grin and a -fuck you- thank you through gritted teeth.
My other half specialises in the most OTT display of gratitude or deep sarcasm depending on his mood.
I have started grunting Don't. Just Don't.
Unless of course it is a complete sweetie who is offering practical help in a nice way in which case he/she has their arm grabbed off before they can change their mind and a huge hug.
You might not meet lots, I don't think this has ever happened to me. She was out of line, I'm not surprised you're upset, maybe you overreacted but she really should have kept her nose out.
That's it exactly Jimmy; I know my baby and I could also see that she was not being suffocated by my boob. I am kicking myself for not trying to calm her down more before feeding her but never mind. I wouldn't mind a polite and helpful person's input but someone being rude and thinking they know better is infuriating!! i feel better getting it off my chest now though.
And, I might try the deep sarcasm next time, Figgy; might be a bit better than the veiled threat I did utter.
Well done for thinking on your feet, I never think of a decent reply at the time!
I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but suffocating a baby whilst breastfeeding is very rare, their little noses are squishy to help prevent it, and they have a natural reflex to tilt their head back so they can breath whilst feeding, if they are held so their neck is supported and not squashed up to the boob. I'm not defending the women, but perhaps she was commenting on how you were holding your daughter? She did however go about it in the wrong way, and it wasn't at all helpful to you. So I would have probably acted like you hun, or more probably just burst into tears. Lol! x
I am kicking myself for not trying to calm her down more before feeding her but never mind.
Please don't! Sometimes a feed is exactly what's needed, sometimes it's not. You don't know unless you try it's always worth a try!
Horrible busy body deserved that and more. They're like vultures, some of them. It's the sound of a crying baby that sets them off, I'm sure! They appear from no-where, spouting
shit advice and expect mums to be grateful?! Pah. You were nicer than me. I get sweary
You're right, Amantes and that's where I am at with it now. I thought a feed was the right thing to do and it's up to me as the parent to try that. That woman should have stayed out of it. I am pretty much over it now. I am convinced that the woman was wrong, she was just surmising at why my baby was crying and sticking her nose in. I know that it is possible to obstruct their breathing with the breast. I had to feed her quite carefully when she was little because of that exact issue as I have quite large breasts and she was so little but she is 4 months old now! she can hold her own head up and pretty much gets her own feeding position. I certainly don't hold the back of her head. Plus, I think we have had every breastfeeding problem going - lazy baby, bad latch, reynaud's syndrome, mastitis, you name it. I think this is why I am so touchy about her intervention. Lady, back the f* off, I have been through all the BF problems going and I don't need your advice!!! Anyway, as I say, now officially over it and going to try harder to ignore busybodies in the future.
Plus, I think we have had every breastfeeding problem going - lazy baby, bad latch, reynaud's syndrome, mastitis, you name it.
Wooh! If you've made it through all of that then you have absolutely no reason to doubt yourself! By four months, you are an experienced feeder. Several hours per day, every day, for four months? That's a lot of experience.
Even with my fourth, well meaning
nutters strangers, always seemed to feel the need to butt in. By then, I'd perfected The Look - a steely glare, which usually has them doing an about turn before they even open their mouth to judge advise
I'm jealous of your quick response! I get so upset and stunned at these type of
pricks people I say nothing, but I am getting good at the withering look. There are babygros with 'my mum doesn't need your advice' printed on them, should you fancy it!
Awesome Hedgehog - get the baby to do the talking for you! I might get one. I did come up with the quick response which I agree usually doesn't happen but don't get me wrong, I also cried after the event. Stupid woman didn't deserve my tears. I have too much enjoying my baby to do.
Unsolicited patenting advise...argh really pisses me off. Every parent finds their own way i dont know why someone would rhink it acceptable to go up to a stranger and say your doing it wrong. I can never respond...but come up with a great response when i go home and kick myself
That was just not on of that woman. She wasn't being kind. She was being an interfering busy body. I would have curtly dismissed her. I wouldn't have threatened her though, which is basically what you did.
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