Starting school in Sept: any other parents of 'lazy' boys out there?

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Ds is very bright, very capable etc. But at 4yo is, and always has been, very lazy! Yes I know he's only 4 and too young certainly to write off bless him, but how are you preparing yours for school? He could build and dismantle things all day long if i let him but has no focus for numbers, letters, art or puzzles. On a good day he astounds us with his knowledge of these things, but on a bad day I really worry he'll fall behind really quickly. When he's in the mood he'll walk for miles, when he's not he'll struggle to get through the door. He still refuses point blank to get himself dressed/ undressed or put his shoes on. He can do it, and if we bribe him with treats (fruit) he does it. But otherwise he has no motivation - everything is in his own time and his favourite phrase is 'wait a minute'. Honestly, he's such a lovely well developed boy socially and in other ways but is this normal and will he adjust to a learning environment where he doesn't get to choose what to do and when to do it? We really try to motivate him, focus his attention, encourage him to do things for himself etc but it's such a struggle! Everything is met with "but i can't" - even if we know he can!

[holeinmyheart]

I am sorry but he is only four. Please can he just be himself.
Life is going to be so stressful over the next 13 years. School is a one size fits all situation and he will have to conform or else. It is a bit early to be thinking he is lazy.
All you can do is to be firm and loving. Try and be consistent and kind and patient with him.
Your patience with him will be rewarded in shed loads when he is older and he remembers how you respected him, for being him.

I have brought up several children to adult hood ( now doctors etc) they are were not lazy when they are interested in something.
I thought on occasion my eldest was lazy, but he wasn't, he just wasn't interested in doing things my way. ( he is a Doctor now) His sister also a Doctor, was the opposite, I had to beg her to stop working so hard. Their Brother was different again and so were the others, as they were all different.

I think looking back, the most important thing I wished I had done more of was listening to them and being respectful and valuing them for who they are.
I honestly think your son sounds absolutely normal.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Thanks for your reply

I have always let him be himself and as a result he's a wonderful, sparky little boy with bags of confidence. I suppose I'm just worried about such a big change in his life, given that although we've encouraged him to know his own mind, he has also been known for digging his heels in. I've been reassured by the schools I've visited so far which all seem to take a very flexible approach to learning. I guess he's just at the high energy/ low attention end of the spectrum and I hope he doesn't suffer for it. I've always said that I don't care what he does as long as he has a passion for something - be it writing, building or ballet dancing! But he is also very competitive and can become very frustrated when he can't do something and that seems to feed his occasional "can't do it/ scared of failing/ won't therefore try" approach.

[ReallyTired]

" He could build and dismantle things all day long if i let him but has no focus for numbers, letters, art or puzzles."

I think that this great. Lego is wonderful for learning about number and strenghtening fingers and fine motor control. It is every bit as educational as jigsaws. If you talk to him about his models and he explains his ideas he will feel proud and learn lots of the process.

I think he will be fine in reception. The whole point of reception is to help children in the transition from nursery to formal learning.

Can he dress himself? Wipe his own bum? Use the toilet without reminders? If he manages the self care skills then the teachers will teach him the academic skills.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Thanks Really yes i think you're right and actually now i think about it there is loads that engages him - putting train tracks together, role play with dinosaurs and playmobil etc. He can dress himself (but chooses not to mostly) and is capable of all the self care stuff - just argues against doing it! On the plus side, we now have 3 schools we would be equally happy with for different reasons. All pride themselves on a happy learning environment which promotes children enjoying school and learning much more effectively. As one headmaster said this morning "if children are happy and like being here, they'll learn."

[footallsock]

Sounds like a totally normal 4 year old to me. It's not a 'boy' thing - girls can be exactly the same. He sounds the same as every 4 year old I know.
He will be fine. Is he doing any nursery or preschool now? The transition is much smoother if they have

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Yes, he does go to nursery 2 days a week (cm on the other days). Although he gravitates towards certain activities at nursery, and doesn't stay still for long, he is apparently the most obliging child! Does exactly what is asked of him.