Apparently I'm a snob for not choosing the local "chav" school for my kids!!!!

[cathwalker82]

Hi there, just needing a bit of a rant really. I have three children age 12, 8 and 4. Cutting it short (hopefully lol ) my eldest son didn't get a place at our first ( and only choice ) secondary school last year due to a sudden and unexpected change to the admissions criteria. Anyway the school he was given and now attends is not the best. Don't get me wrong he is actually quite happy there now and although I'm not happy with the school at all I don't go on about it in front of him and I try and make it as positive as possible.

So after much consideration and realising that our daughter in three years time would be given the same awful secondary school to attend we decided to move her to the local catchment school that is the main feeder to the secondary we want her and wanted her brother to attend.

The primary school that my son and daughter attended was not the catchment school to the catholic secondary we wanted them to attend ( obviously lol ) but as they are baptised Catholics and we live just within one of the three named parishes our kids we were assured stood a great chance of being accepted.

So when we received a letter telling us that the admissions process was changing, ( to were it only guaranteed places to children who had attended catholic primary schools within catchment ) and then our son being refused a place.

We made the decision to move our 8 year old daughter to the catholic primary school that was within catchment as this would then guarantee her a place at the secondary. She has settled in extremely well and has been there almost a year now.

We came up against a lot of backlash from supposed family members and friends for sending her to a primary school further away "just so she could get into a better high school".

But anyway, the time has come to apply for my youngest son to go to school this year and for some reason everyone seems shocked that we've opted for the same primary school as our daughter! (like I'd purposely chose to have three kids at three different schools! ). They seem to have a problem with me not choosing to send my kids to the local rough primary and secondary schools down the road, even though they know themselves how bad they really are.

But anyway the last few times I've been around these people I've had them stick it their noses in and it's getting to the point were I'm going to lose it. In particular my two cousins who have children around the same age as my daughter have openly said they can't be bothered to go to the effort to chose schools for their kids and that they sent them to the local school as it's more convenient for them and that they "couldn't be arsed" dragging themselves out of bed any earlier to have to drive to school.

Now I don't give a damn about their choices and what they do with their children is there own business but why put me down because i "can be arsed" to get up early and make the extra effort to drive my kids to school?

I already feel guilty about my eldest son having to attend a high school that is below standard and I wasn't about to let that happen to my youngest two. Now don't get me wrong the primary school my kids used to attend was amazing but attending that school would my have secured them a place at an equally outset adobe secondary which ultimately would impact on their education and future!

It want my fault the sands ions criteria changed and the la decided to change the catchment area. And although I'm not thrilled about having to send my kids to a primary school that bit further away it aw dyne only way to guarantee them a place at the only decent and outstanding secondary in our area. So why can't my friend and family understand this? It's like they think I'm being a snob just for not sending my kids to the local rough schools and for wanting the very best for them, but surely isn't this what every parent wants for they child?

[cathwalker82]

Please excuse the multiple typos, I'm on my phone and it always does this lol.

[EhricJinglingHisBallsOnHigh]

If you call it a chav school then yes you're a snob.

And tl:dr

[AnaisB]

They probably pick up on the fact that you think of the local school as a "chav school."

[AnaisB]

x post

[cathwalker82]

I've never actually said it was a chav school in front of my friends and family not have a called it any other name, I just said I didn't think it was the school for my children when I was asked. But to be honest the primary and secondary down the road from us I'm sorry to say to again are chavvy . They have terrible reputations when it comes to the children. ( and parents ) they have shocking offsted reports and they are both classed as failing schools yet I get looked down on for not sending my kid there????

[ItsAllKickingOffPru]

If you've called the school 'chav' to them then you can't really blame them for responding with 'snob'.
I'd stick to a vague 'Best school for the DC' in future.

[Fiddlerontheroof]

I work round a lot of schools ...those that are very affluent, and those that are properly in your rather offensive chav category.

I can tell you now that those in schools in disadvantaged areas generally get better life experiences, better opportunities and enjoy a happy and bonded staff team.

I would always pick those schools over the ones you describe to teach in. Choosing a school should always be about what works best for your child, not the one you think they should be in because of your opinion....I'm wondering if you've actually been and visited the rougher schools..,or if this is just your opinion?

[ArchangelGallic]

"Snob" always gets bandied about when people actively make plans which affect their future in a positive way. It's not a crime to be socially mobile or aspirational about your child's future. Sure, your family might be annoyed because they feel you're looking down on them but you're right to give your children the best possible start.

[ItsAllKickingOffPru]

Sorry, X-posts.

Some people are very defensive about their school choices, particularly if they don't have the option to get into a good faith school.
Hold your head up high about your choices and refuse to discuss schools in future.

[ShirleyYoureNotSerious]

YANBU but I'll be in the minority saying it on MN where striving for an education outside of your catchment area school is often frowned upon. Out there in the real world it's a different story.

You're doing the best for your children and that's all that counts. Don't let other people's negative opinions get to you. Those people and their opinions really don't matter.

[MistAndAWeepingRain]

If their kids go to a school you're calling 'chavvy' then I don't blame them for being defensive TBH. What's wrong with a vague 'I just thought it would suit DC better'?

Anyway this is all academic until April when you actually find out which primary your kids have a place at.

[Branleuse]

your son is happy there though.

[ArsenicFaceCream]

YANBU OP

A miserable secondary experience can be damaging. DN had an awful time. Do what seems reasonable.

[cathwalker82]

Yes I have visited the schools, Many times. And i can't say I agree with what you said about children from "rougher" schools getting more life experience, etc in fact hasn't it been proven time and again that children from poorer backgrounds or who attend disadvantaged schools end up with lower exam results, lower prospects etc?

I mean don't get me wrong it's not about money, as me and my husband are far from wealthy but for me I'd much prefer my children to attend a school with children who have high morals and who are well behaved etc. I can't see anything wrong with that?

[Chandon]

Well yes, you are a snob but so are many people, including myself .

Would love to know how your oldest is getting on. Is he doing ok?

[Viviennemary]

You do sound a bit like a snob would sound. But of course you might not actually be a snob.

[GlitzAndGigglesx]

You're upset at being called a snob but you're more than happy to refer to a school as "chavvy" because of the parents and kids who attend. Right

[Methe]

I've never thought there's much wrong with being a snob.

[AnaisB]

You do sound quite snobby to me. Not because you have moved primary schools to get into a school you think is better, but because you seem to think that the children in the other school have lower morals and you also seem to look down on the parents who send their kids there.

[DaisyFlowerChain]

I disagree that "rougher" schools are better for life experience etc. They are usually likely to have lower results and a lower work ethic. If they were great then their results would reflect that.

I would move area and move all three children though rather than just two as they should all have the same opportunities school wise not just some of them.

[cathwalker82]

Hi, yes he's doing ok. He just assumed like we all did that he'd move up to high school with the majority of his primary school friends and was absolutely gutted when they all got their letters and are all scared across 5/6 different schools. So it took him a whole to settle but he seems ok now. I'm not overly keen on the head teacher and most of the teachers don't seem to set enough homework or be very organised a they're always changing dates for homework, reading, etc and I just don't get a good vice from the school in general but like I said I don't want to upset my son so inks it support him. At least now with my daughter when she moves up in a couple of years time she will move up with 90% of her class mates so she will at least have that reassurance :)

[OxonConfusedDotCom]

Well, not nice if you think of them as "chavvy" but your decision, no need to justify wanting the best for your kids. Anyone not going local gets flak (voice of experience) , just ignore it and take comfort in doing right by your kids.

[Fiddlerontheroof]

If that's your opinion, fine....but I can tell you it's very unfair to assume children in disadvantaged schools don't have high morals, and have poor behaviour. Sometimes, some children in affluent schools can be arrogant, and extremely rude...over privileged and difficult to teach. It's all personal preference....it's completely your choice where to send your kids...but to refer to other schools as 'chav' schools ...isn't particularly nice.


And actually, we have two secondary schools here where I live, one very affluent and one that my daughter attends that would fall into your chav category. We are actually catchment for the affluent school, but I chose to send her to the other one. The children come from a very diverse range of backgrounds, many without English as a first language,but they also produce Oxbridge pupils and their exam results sit slightly lower than the other school, to be expected...but still remarkable considering their intake. That's the passionate teaching I want for my child...she will achieve and she's in the right place for her...that's what it boils down to in the end isn't it?

[Corygal]

I can't see that being a snob comes into it, to be honest - the schools you don't like are classed as failing, which is surely more important to you than whether they're middle-class or not.

You might want to stick to that as an explanation, not the chav thing.

[cathwalker82]

I'll be totally honest with you, I don't think of myself of as a snob. The thing is my children are my absolute life, I gave up my job and various other things to be there for them 24/7 and to ensure I can do my best for them. And to me, getting them into a good school is really really important.

I'm not saying the kids at the other schools start out badly behaved or anything, it's mainly the parents. You hear them around town constantly swearing, smoking and in general acting like children themselves. The majority come from the local council estate were one of my good friends live and she has filled me in on what goes on and it's good.