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Please tell me things will get easier

(24 Posts)
mermaid101 Fri 28-Nov-14 07:58:07

I have a three year old and a 5 month old. I feel like I am really struggling. I can't really complain; my DH is very involved and the baby sleeps quite well, but I just feel exhausted all the time.

I feel like we can only manage the most basic house work. We always have a back log of washing and every day seems like a mountain to climb.

I'm supposed to be going out with friends tonight and, much as I know I would enjoy it, I just can't be bothered. By the time the DCs are in bed, I just want to flop for an hour or two before going to bed to get a sleep. The day usually starts about 5.30am and I just feel ground down with the relentlessness of it.

Is this normal and will it get better?

Ilikepie Fri 28-Nov-14 08:08:37

Yes it's normal and yes it will get better. 5 month olds are still very little and difficult. I have a 5yrold, a 3 yr old and a 1 year old, and while they are very demanding, things like school and nursery have helped, as i'm not the sole entertainer/educator all day every day.

But with regards to housework, i still don't get through the washing pile, especially in the winter months. the house is a tip. I think if you accept it and realise that for a few years your house will not be neat and tidy every day then the pressure on yourself will be less. Just aim to get the basics done; a load of washing in and out every day. the dishwasher emptied and packed once a day.kitchen crumbs wiped up when they get really bad. the toys piled into a big box at the end of the day. anything else is a bonus in my opinion! Beds don't need to be made; it's actually healthier and reduces dust mites if they are left unmade to air! Hoovering only needs to be done once a week unless the DC have left loads of crumbs! If you and DH can bear to do a big one-hour-dash clean and tidy up at the weekend to give the bathroom and kitchen and floors a good once over then that's good IMO.

Hang in there. this too will pass!

Ilikepie Fri 28-Nov-14 08:26:53

Actually, with a 5month old, you'd be lucky to get half that amount of housework done; try not to worry about it and concentrate on getting out of the house and away from the mess!

wheresthelight Fri 28-Nov-14 10:13:52

Totally normal but if you are concerned it might be worth speaking to your Dr or hv about getting tested for anaemia

butterfly86 Fri 28-Nov-14 12:01:11

I have a 5 month old and feel exactly the same, she sleeps pretty well but I'm still exhausted I've mentioned it to the gp and Im having some blood tests done.

IDontWantToBuildASnowman Fri 28-Nov-14 12:03:53

Yes yes yes, it gets so much easier. I have two almost exactly the same age difference as yours, and at the point you are at I found it unbelievably hard and actually sank into bad PND as a result (or maybe the PND is what made me find it hard, who knows!) and was almost frozen by anxiety and depression, so all the jobs that needed doing just built up and built up and made me feel even worse.

Anyway, they are now 5 and 3 and honestly most of the time they are together I am rarely needed as they play games and entertain each other like little best buddies. Don't worry though, it won't be 2.5 years before you start experiencing this, I think things improved massively when the youngest could walk around 11 months, then when talking started things really took off to a new level.

Yes there is still a tonne of washing, cooking and general stuff to do, but now it doesn't feel overwhelming and more of a mole hill than a mountain.

Hang in there, you are doing an amazing job xx

Diryan Fri 28-Nov-14 16:00:16

I have a 3 year old & an 8 month old and it's just starting to get easier.

But I think even if your baby sleeps well the 5.30am starts must be exhausting for you - is that the baby or the toddler waking that early? Could your DH do the early shift some days so you can get a bit if extra rest?

mustbemad71 Fri 28-Nov-14 16:25:05

Yes it will get better! Don't stress over house-work or beat yourself up about it. Something's gotta give and a bit of dust won't kill anyone. Make sure you look after yourself - sod the ironing - when you've got 30 mins to yourself do something just for you even if it's only a bubble bath or reading a mag with a cuppa. It will keep you sane!

YellowYoYoYam Fri 28-Nov-14 18:43:09

It will get better.

5 months was when I was close to breaking with both of mine. Turned a corner at 6 months both times. Good luck.

booksandwool Fri 28-Nov-14 18:47:53

I can't offer you reassurance, but am in a v similar situation (including the early starts) so wanted to say I feel your pain! (and want to borrow some sympathy from the other responses)

notasleep Fri 28-Nov-14 18:56:00

Yes I feel the same. But mine are 2.9 and 9 months... I'm hoping when the older one turns 3 things are going to get magically much easier... Please don't tell me this isn't the case confused

I have no tips, just sympathy. I feel like I'm in a long tunnel of exhaustion most days...

mermaid101 Fri 28-Nov-14 19:48:27

Thank you so much for these. I feel so much better after reading them!

Diryan, my DH does do the "early shift" whenever he isn't working, which is good. It does make a bit of a difference, but I'm finding getting bits of help, although lovely and very much appreciated, doesn't really put much of a dent in the feeling of total relentlessness.

For people who found things got better after the six month mark, can you say/ pinpoint what it was that got easier/better?

Ragwort Fri 28-Nov-14 19:53:57

Hmmmmmmmm......... well, I would say that certain aspects of parenting get easier but now I am dealing with a stroppy challenging teenager I look back on the early days and remember how easy it all was then grin.

booksandwool Fri 28-Nov-14 22:24:21

Mine was just 3 when the baby was born, and the fact he can talk and understand well is the only thing keeping me from the precipice. At least when we have a day of everyone shouting and crying, he and I can talk it through while the baby'a asleep and I can tell him I still love him.
The exhaustion's the same but it's a tiny glimmer for me of being able to put a slightly positive spin on it.
I still cry most days though.

mermaid101 Sat 29-Nov-14 06:36:55

I suppose that is a positive booksandwool. What age is your baby?

It's just so hard going all the time. I feel like I need so much energy just to get through the day.

booksandwool Sat 29-Nov-14 07:23:28

The baby's nearly 6 months. At the moment one of them always has a pressing need - it's like spinning plates. I'm hoping things will get a level easier once he's mobile (or at least sitting) - there'll be lots of watching needed but the physical demands might be less onerous. There is always someone touching me, and I never sit without someone on my lap. On good days this feels like domestic bliss; on bad days I want to scream!

Ragwort Sat 29-Nov-14 07:46:19

I still cry most days though - so do I, with a teenager sad.

booksandwool Sat 29-Nov-14 07:57:12

Noooo Ragwort!

mermaid101 Sat 29-Nov-14 08:00:34

Oh booksandwool I so feel like that about being touched all the time. I thought it was just me!

The baby is so demanding. My first was quite happy to lie on her mat while i tidied up or lie on our bed while I put washing away, but he wants to be picked up and talked to all the time. I tried a sling, but he didn't like that, and I couldn't take all the screaming in my ear.

Keep all the good news stories coming. I'm getting hope from them!

littlesupersparks Sat 29-Nov-14 08:07:43

I have a two year age gap. Things were best for me when they both napped in the afternoon. When your littlest is at an age to have a proper routine I bet it will be miles better. Quiet independent time for the eldest.

I'm pregnant with twins at the moment and NOTHING gets done but when I was doing well it would work like this.
Up between 5-6 tv until 6.30/7
Breakfast with both
Get dressed
Put on washing
Out all morning (park, town, library, museum, friend) always take a snack
Home for lunch (always sandwiches)
Sleep after lunch where I can have 1hr rest (first) and the rest of the time on housework.
Afternoon quiet activities usually - cars, trains, play dough, colouring...

Take care of yourself. My top tip is to get out - you can't see the house and they can't get it messier!!

mermaid101 Sat 29-Nov-14 08:39:15

That does sound like a good plan little super sparks. I find getting out so hard though. The baby feeds really slowly, so i try to be at home for that.

I took them both to the shops yesterday just to get some essentials and it was such a task!

Congratulations on your pregnacy! Twins! Wow! You sound like you know what you're doing. That timetable makes a lot of sense!

notasleep Sat 29-Nov-14 11:43:44

Yes I aim to get out every day.. Even though it's a real mission to get out of the door..

Mermaid, my ds is also a much clingier baby who cries a lot more than my dd did.. Though she turned into a tricky 2yo so I'm hoping he goes the other way!!

Makes it so hard to do anything with a constantly crying baby clinging to my legs. The constant touching thing drives me mad too..

littlesupersparks Sat 29-Nov-14 14:04:15

I don't have a clue what I'm doing, everyone's just faking it - promise !!!

If you can get out to a children's centre or similar you can feed the baby there and there will be professionals there to help with your older one! I do to know if she's bf or formula but I've found bf groups particularly good for this - there are peer supporters/ professionals there who will play with your older one. I've heard great things about church groups too, although haven't been to many round here.

Hang in there it definitely gets easier. At 2 and 4 mine actually PLAY TOGETHER - it's a revelation!! And my 4 year old can actually do stuff by himself (crafts etc) so I sit at the table and give the little one a hand whilst the big one is independent. Wait until they start dressing themselves too!!!! (I'm hoping for some progress on this before the babies arrive - but at least my youngest can go for a wee himself now)

Honestly, I don't doubt that the teenage years are hard and every age has it's own challenges, but pre schoolers are so all-consuming!

littlesupersparks Sat 29-Nov-14 14:04:42

Bloody autocorrect its not it's :-@

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