Different parenting styles

[peppajay]

My hubby and I are clashing over discipline and patenting styles. He is very old fashioned and believes in the seen and not heard approach any back chat or any noise when they have been told to be quiet should be they go to their room instantly and don't come out till morning. My dd is 7 and full of attitude at the moment BUT this is the bit he doesn't get the attitude is 100 times worse when he is around because she knows she will get so much attention for back chat etc! I praise the positive and try to ignore the back chat as much as possible and to be honest she doesn't back chat me much as she gets no attention for it! My son is 5 and enjoys trying to get daddy's attention also and again sometimes the only way he can get it is by shouting and screaming so he gets daddys attention. Apparently all this is down to my crap parenting and lack of discipline. However his discipline I feel is too harsh and wish he would just back off as his constant shouting and nagging to be quiet is escalating the situation. I hate weekends as it is just the three of them winding each up and me being the peace maker. Wish he could just be nice to them and then they would perhaps stop playing up for attention but he refuses to do this until they respect him. Maybe I am too soft on them but they are only children and I think being constantly nagged at isn't good for them. They are only children but hubby thinks they literally should do as they are told all the time and only speak when they are spoken too. How can I get him to relax a bit around them as they won't relax around him as they are so keen to get noticed they just play up. He is the adult so I think he should be the one to make an effort at getting them to behave around him but he says they should be the ones who are taught to behave when he is home!!

[AcrossthePond55]

Oh dear! Differing parenting styles brought DH and I the closest we ever came to divorce! I'm not being flippant, it's the sad truth.

I recommend counseling. It's the only way to resolve such basic differences.

[ExBrightonBell]

Has he always been like this with the children? What was he like when they were little?

Such big differences in parenting need resolving, as they will cause more problems as the children get older. You need to meet in the middle somewhere, with both of you compromising. It's not about one of you being right and the other wrong, you need a united front for the benefit of the children.

If you aren't able to discuss this and stick to it on your own, then maybe parenting classes and/or couple counselling might be necessary.

It might also be worth showing your husband some of the research into why his disciplinarian (authoritarian) approach will not work in the long run. E.g. This article.