2 year age gaps... Talk to me !

[MyriadOfMiracles]

I know this whole ' ideal age gap' had been exhausted ... But I am going to have to ask for advice on it! Honest answers on your experiences with a 2 year age gap ladies...?

• oh, also ... If you suffered from pnd first time around, did you again with second? I am aware there are all sorts of factors involved, just interested to hear different experiences?
  

It is a worry of mine.

[AShowerOfBastards]

There are 2 years and 9 days between my DDs, they are 3.5 and 1.5 now. I think the pregnancy with a toddler aspect was by far the hardest for me. It was exhausting, I was ill a lot and DD1 was just far too young to understand let alone give me a break!

The baby stage was tonnes easier, and I think the first four months was perhaps my favourite stage of having two DCs until around about now. I had mild pnd after dd1 but no issues second time round thankfully.

I love it now, they are really close. Dd1 is a fantastic big sister and dd2 adores her. I'm sure I have harder times ahead, they're only young at the moment after all but so far it's not been half as hard as I was expecting.

That said I do sometimes look at my friends with 1 DC around dd1s age and they do have slightly more freedom in the things they do as a family.

Wouldn't change it for the world though.

[jerseygal78]

First year was really hard but its got easier ever since - they fight like cat & dog at times but have a fantastic bond & really look out for each other.

[ElBombero]

YY to being heavily pregnant with a toddler, I found that really hard going. Baby stage a lot easier but DS now 6 mons old and DD 2.8 and dear god it's hard. She is still very young and demanding, going through terrible twos etc, very clingy at times, but once baby needs lots of attention.

It's rock hard and I'm fooked. BUT we are only having two and doing it this way meant they'd be close and we could do lots of cool stuff with them enjoying it together (Lapland, Disney, Santa believin, etc)

[Catsmamma]

I have a three year, one month gap between ds1 and dd....that was really great

between dd and ds2 there is a 2 year one month gap, which was not at all really great. DD seemed to take ds2 as a personal affront!

That first year with ds2 is not one I remember at all really.

[bruffin]

I have a 2 year 5 day age gap. My dcs are 16 and 18 now.
When they were born ds was still in nappies so it was really just a continuation of carry nappy bags around etc. They both slept through from 12 weeks, so it was only the first 3 months that was the worst bit. DS was jealous in the first few days but he did get over it. They have always played together quite well and tolerate each other as teenagers.
I have DD doing GCSEs and DS taking his A Levels now, which is going to be a very stressful few months DD will be going to uni while ds is still there, that will be an expensive few years.

[Olivegirl]

21 months between my dds
Now both older teenagers

Hard work with a toddler and a baby but wouldn't change a thing
They are so close have grown up together.

They are both different ..have their own friends but have each other too

[MyriadOfMiracles]

Thanks all... I think! ? It seems the 2 year age gap is hard and there is no way around it, hmmm ... In terms of how hard it was... Did you find it harder adapting to 2 than you did to the whole new shock of having your 1st dc?.

[Olivegirl]

The shock of having one was bad ,so bad I'll never forget how awful it was and it was a long time ago now 18 yrs

But once that initial shock was over and dh and I realised our life wouldn't be our own for a very long time.... dd2 was born we kind of knew what was coming so I felt more confident and able to cope.
I think having two close together is good so they can grow up together
Play together
And for me life moves on at the same pace
Rather than having to start the baby stage all over again years later.
I know this works for some
But I wouldn't change the age gap if I had my time again

[MirandaWest]

22 month gap between mine. Had depression when DS was little but pretty sure I had it already rather than it being PND if that makes sense. Was then on ADs when pg with DD. Found the gap fine - was a lot better at knowing how to cope with another baby and DD just fitted in really.

They're 10 and 8 now and I still like the age gap :)

[MyriadOfMiracles]

Lol olive i think i will still be a' shuddering in 18 years too!!
miranda do you mind if i ask, did you plan your dd whilst on anti d's? I am currenty on them and feel infinitely better! I too suspec I was actially already depressed prior to concieving. I feel fab now though amd my depression was mever severe. I think I will start trying once off the anti ds rhough. I know you can get ones that are ok in pregnamcy, but I would rather be off them when trying for next one. Im just wondering if it is common to try whilst on anti ds? I mean you dont here people really talk of it... And i would be very scared of judgement (weak, i know)

[MyriadOfMiracles]

Hear * - and sorry for all th other silly errors. Typing from mob quickly whilst dd is managin to keep herself entertained dor once is not easy!!

[MirandaWest]

I was on ADs when I got pregnant but it was unplanned and I panicked and stopped them cold turkey. This was a bad idea. Went on them again at 12 weeks and I think it would have been better to never come off them. It's obviously virtually impossible to have controlled tests on it though.

[chosenone]

Try not to think of it too short term, it will be difficult for a few years. Yes possibly but as many many of us do it , it is clearly manageable. Think long term, days out, holidays, friends, life experiences are easier because ofa cclose age gap. Hopefully continuing into adulthood. Myself and DB had 22 months age gap and my DC have the same. I love it, they are best buddies, enjoy the same films abd hobbies and still enjoy sharing a room. Dc1 is 9 Dc2 is 7...opposite sex. Yes if pushed the memories of pushing the bloody double buggy around arent my happiest and the back chicken pox were a complete mare but in my opinion totally worth it long term.

[MyriadOfMiracles]

Thanks miranda. I think a lot of people are on them when they concieve unplanned. You just never hear of people actively ttc when on them. It is understandable, I mean I would rather be off them a while when ttc amd know I am 100% ready. My mum says anti ds are a drug and they alter your mind :/ so I worry when I do come off them I wont be ready! But I guess once my hormones/chemicals balance out with their help i should be fine. Plus i may try cbt too, just for the extra help!

[OneMoreThenNoMore]

21 months between mine. We planned a less than 2 yr gap as we wanted them to grow up together, and we wanted to get the baby phase out of the way Dh and his sister have 18 months between them, and there are 2 yrs and two weeks between my sister and I, so we wanted a similar kind of gap for our dcs.

For me, adjusting to a baby second time around was much easier. I found having a baby and a toddler much easier than I'd expected it to be, too. Managing two toddlers can be challenging though!

Dd was too young to feel jealous when ds came along; she just accepted him immediately.

They fight a lot at the moment, but overall they get on really well. They have similar interests which makes life more fun for them and easier for for dh and I.

Dh and I seem to have aged more quickly though , and three years of continuous pregnancy and/or breastfeeding have certainly taken their toll on my body.

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

20 months between DS1 and 2. Consecutive years at school. I took DS2 to a uni open day at DS1's uni tomorrow (brilliant course, excellent uni - don't want to stop DS2 applying just because DS1 got there first). We met up and were on a bus between the campus and halls and I sat there watching them chatter away. The way they get on is amazing and I was so pleased and so sad that I didn't get on with my sister like that (3.5 year gap). I know it's down to personalities too but I'm so glad I had them close together. DS3 is nearly 5 years younger than DS2 and though they get on really well, I very much regret the gap - and so do they.

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

took him yesterday....I am not a Time Lord. Though that would be handy.

[Paloma12]

2 years 1 month here. Gorgeous age gap

[GretaWolfcastle]

i have 2 and then 2.5 between my three

i think its horses for courses. they are all great buddies - no resentment, jealousy, fighting or bickering.
had pnd with 1 and less with 2
i think just get on with having htem all then the hellish bit ends faster

[GretaWolfcastle]

the only jealousy i have seen is of a three year one

every time

[tallulah]

I had 18 months between DC1 and DC2, DC3 was born on DC2's 2nd birthday, and 2 years 1 week between DC3 and DC4.

#1 and #2 hated #3. #2 hated #4. #3 was horribly jealous of #4. It was hell. I look back and wonder how we managed. #1 adored #4, and that was a total 5.5 year age gap .

But after the first few years it was a nice gap. They are the same age, so you don't have the issue where one wants to do something that is far too old/ babyish for the other. They can go to bed at the same time. With a little manipulation you can ensure that #2 fits in with #1's naps so you get a child-free hour.

A downside was 2 in nappies (which for us was extended, as there was always another baby), and that was expensive.

The other consideration is Y9 SATS and GCSEs at the same time, followed by GCSEs and A levels. The two years that we had one doing SATs, one GCSE and one A levels were very stressful. If you are a SAHM you also have #2 starting preschool at the same time #1 goes to school.

[tallulah]

Should also add that they are the best of friends as adults (all 20+) and DC1, DC3 and DC4 are sharing a house.

[MyriadOfMiracles]

Ta ladies... All seem to be fairly positive veiws now!