'Balancing the family'- what does it mean to you?

[Enid]

After reading another thread where a poster with two boys would like a girl to 'balance the family', I wondered what on earth that phrase really means. As the mother of three girls I don't feel that my family is 'unbalanced', nor would I if they were boys. I have a friend with four boys and they are all different and pull against and with each other in the relentless tide of family dynamics.

Are families with two sexes of children more 'balanced'? What does the phrase mean to you?

[Feistybird]

Don't know, but like you I have girls - so I guess I'd have to ask dp if he thought there was an imbalance.

[expatinscotland]

It means a load of bllcks to me and a sad, sad reason for bringing a person into the world.

[GDGwithacraptan]

The phrase means nothing - it's crap.

As a mother of 3 boys I don't feel my family is 'unbalanced' at all.

I cannot fathom why people are remotely bothered what gender their child is. The pain other people go through trying to conceive, losing babies is heartbreaking to see - every child is nothing less than a miracle and a blessing.

[WelshBoris]

My family is balanced now with just myself and DD. If I ever get together with someone else maybe I will have more children but I doubt I will "need" to have a boy to balance my family out.

Really dont understand that at all

[SKYTVADICT]

DP said he would like a boy as when my DDs get a little older he may feel outnumbered!

I think he was joking though! Although me and my DDs do not like football and he is really keen (still plays at 39!) and I'm sure he would like someone to share his passion with. He is trying to turn my 5 year old DD but she isn't having any of it.

I definitely don't feel unbalanced and if we are lucky enough to conceive (and carry full term) I would love another girls.

[BudaBabe]

I don't think it's a load of b*llocks as I feel that as one of 4 girls I did miss out a bit on being around boys. Had friends as a child who were boys but then went throught that whole "hating boys" thing and I do feel that when I was older I didn;t know how to relate to boys as much as friends who had brothers. So it can lead to more balance.

However that said I don't think I would agree with gender selection for any reason other than to avoid a gender-specific disease.

[Bozza]

I think a balanced family doesn't really exist. There is more to family dynamics than just gender. Such as position in family, circumstances at birth etc. I have a DS and a DD so presumably classified as perfectly balanced. There is 3.3 years between them but they play together really well but also argue/bicker etc. If they were both boys or both girls I am sure this would still be the case.

I can see how DD is developing differently due to having an older sibling. She is just 2 and if she doesn't fancy eating something she says "liiike" in a really whiny voice. She has picked this up from DS saying "I don't LIIIKE it". Just a small example. And she has also developed a pretty good line in tale telling for a 24 mo.

Anyway being one of 3 girls myself, Enid, I think it is a fine family arrangement.

[blueteddy]

Don't understand this family balancing thing either.
I have two boys & am very happy with them. I don't feel that my family is unbalanced because my children are not of different sexes!
Bonkers!

[tortoiseshell]

Think it is a very simplistic view of life tbh. I come from a family of 2 - one girl (me), one boy. Perfectly balanced. Or not. I don't know a more unbalanced set of parents, and my db is pretty unbalanced too. I know this wasn't what the phrase was used to mean, but for us, having the classic 'girl, boy' was a nightmare. My db and I fought all the time, and never really played together as 'equals' - we get on much better now, but I really wouldn't ever call my family balanced.

[FlameBoo]

We had a very balanced family (or very wonky) - Dad buggered off and we got an all female household

Seriously though - its the relationships within the house that balance it, not the genders.

[NotQuiteCockney]

"Balancing the family" sounds like an entertaining trick that they might do in the circus.

[bundle]

dh & me both wanted girls, both times, and got them but I'm sure we would have been just dandy if we'd had boys

[thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat]

haven't read the thread about wanting a girl, but I just assumed that by "balanced" the poster just meant "right" ie what would feel "right" to her and her family.

[Enid]

but how can gender be 'right' or 'wrong'?

what if you get a boy who loves pink and hates sport?

what if you get a girl who refuses to wear dresses and is ace at football (dd1 atm)?

[sugarfree]

Ds1 and I almost died at his delivery,Ds2 took 4 years to conceive,Ds3 is my bonus,my sister lost two sons at 22 and 23 weeks.The whole subject makes my hand itch.
Be bloody grateful for the children you get,if you get any.
Besides I feel that ds3 does 'balance' the family,a dd would have made it unbalanced if anything.
The very notion of balanced/unbalanced family is bizarre,a family is what you make it.

[sugarfree]

I was too cross to post in the other thread.

[Enid]

I actually got 'I hope you weren't terribly disappointed that you didn't have a boy' from an old bint in the village yesterday. I felt like saying 'no, fcking relieved actually' (not true as I am sure a boy would have been lovely too but you know what I mean)

[dinosaure]

Another one with three boys here.

I'm very happy with my family - but then again I'm pretty sure I'd have been just as happy with three girls or with a mixture of boys and girls. My boys are so different to each other in personality and temperament that I really don't feel that I'm missing out by not having girls.

[BudaBabe]

I don't think gender is right or wrong. But I think that society makes it seem that the "balanced" family is one of each sex.

Have you noticed that when you are pg with your first you might be asked whether you want a boy or a girl. On your second you will def be asked if you want whatever it is that you don't already have. On your third , depending on your first two, it will be assumed that if you have 2 boys you must be trying for a girl. But if you have one of each then "it doen't matter" what you have!

I only have one DS but am hoping to do IVF again in August. At 42 I will be ecsatically happy with a healthy baby (who sleeps all night!). But I know I will be asked if I am hoping for a girl. And - if I'm honest - a little bit of me is.

[foxinsocks]

I think alot of parents feel more comfortable if their children are more like they were as kids. e.g. we have a friend with a little girl who is very much a tomboy but she is v girly and is already having battles about what she wears etc. (completely pointless!). I know she wants another girl. We also have a friend with 2 little girls who is desperate to have a boy because she feels her sports mad dh will have more to do with a boy when the child is older.

Doesn't really make sense to me but I guess you can't stop people yearning after what they believe is the perfect family for them.

[wanderingstar]

Well I have 3 boys and a girl; whatever balance is I don't know. My girl isn't very girly, my boys are very different to each other, I don't have regular 2.4y age gaps...
Balance is what every family has, whatever the size or gender mix . Surely it's all personality, place in the family, everything rather than just what sex your children are ?

[LipstickMum]

I'm not into this idea that a family is 'right' or 'balanced' if you have 'one of each'. I also hate the assumption that if you have a boy and a girl, that's it everything is perfect, no need to have anymore.
We will probably have another, I already have two girls and I am dreading the moment somebody asks whether I am hoping for a boy, because I may have to slap them

Our family is balanced because we all get along and are happy, we work well together.

[robin3]

I think the sex, birth order and ages of children can affect the personality of your family but that's what makes it interesting.

Most importantly it's the parents attitude to their children...we hear it all...China putting girls in orphanages, some religions terminating female foetuses abroad, and the swell of feeling amongst our own parents generation that seems hell-bent on the idea that boys are a pain and girls are a Godsend. That poor boy the other week who's dad shouted at him for playing with dolls when he was only trying to join in with his sisters.

So much for developed societies.

Parents/society bring balance.

[PrettyCandles]

I have one of each, and find the family too 'balanced'. It's difficult to put it into words - maybe that everything is too perfect and symmetrical, and that that's not what real life is about. Not that I'm ungrateful for what I've got!

I wouldn't say that families with all boys or all girls are unbalanced - I'd say that it depends onthe feelings and dynamics of the individual family.

[Elibean]

I was baffled by the title, which is why I clicked on it - had NO idea what it meant, maybe some new parenting theory I'd never heard of?!? Didn't occur to me it was about gender! To me, what makes a family 'balanced' is more about how good the relationships within it are - nothing to do with sexes.

Expecting #2, and hoping for a less unbalanced family than the one I grew up in regardless