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Baby number 2 here and feel bad for dc1

(7 Posts)
Tweet2tweet Thu 25-Apr-13 13:18:14

My dc1 is 2 and we have 3 wk old baby. Dc1 goes to nursery and we had to keep this on or lose the place, waited over a year to get into nursery. I know that in some ways I am lucky to not watch 2 all the time 24/7 but this is our personal situation.

Anyway, feel like I hardly interact with Dc1 now. I miss my time with them so much. I'm just simply exhausted with dc2 and struggle to spend time with dd1. My DH is back to work this week so will spend time just me and both children. Am really worried about how I will cope. Dc1 needs a lot of entertainment and dc2 always feeding. Dc2 also seems to be developing colic, had 1 hour sleep last night and was up for the rest.

Anyone got any strategies? I don't want the bond with my dc1 to change and also want to develop my relationship with dc2.

80QuidYoniJob Thu 25-Apr-13 13:21:38

Is there anyone that could watch DC2 for an hour so you can have some quality 1 to 1 time with DC1?

I'm pregnant with DC2 and worry about this too.

80QuidYoniJob Thu 25-Apr-13 13:24:11

Or is a sling for Dc2 an option? So you can still play with DC1. If you are bfing you can do that in some slings.

If not you could read books or do some sticker books with DC1 while you're feeding the baby.

BoysRule Thu 25-Apr-13 13:29:32

I felt really guilty when I had DS2 which a friend had warned me about. DS1 still went to the childminders 2 days a week and I felt horrible about that. You still need rest yourself so make sure you get that. Try to make sure that the time you spend with DC1 is used really well. Can you still do a bedtime story, bath? When you are feeding DC2 let DC1 snuggle up and read a story. I did a lot with DS1 while I was holding DS2 in my arms - I managed to build lego, puzzles, play in the sand pit etc.

This time will go very quickly and it gets a lot easier. Your DC1 won't remember this time or blame you in any way for it. I now feel guilty that I don't spend enough time with DS2!

Tweet2tweet Thu 25-Apr-13 13:35:19

Thanks for messages. I make sure I give dc1 milk first thing and put to bed with massage and cuddle. I also try reading when bfding but dc1 always trying to grab baby. We were in hospital for a couple of nights after dc1 passed bug to baby so am hyper sensitive about this now.

Have just taken baby sling out of storage, thanks for tip. Thought might be too young but says suitable if over 8llbs so am all strapped up and ready to go. May even manage to get something for lunch now too!

PoppyWearer Thu 25-Apr-13 13:37:49

I'm at the "other side" of the difficult bit with a new DC2 and couldn't read and not post. My DC2 is now 20mo.

This too shall pass...before you know it your DC2 will be sitting up and crawling and interacting with your DC1 and you will have given both DCs the best gift in the world - each other. My two play together now and DC2 gets upset when DC1 goes to school, he misses her!

In the meantime, a sling is a great idea. How about some new toys or DVDs for your DC1 as a special treat, perhaps tell her they are a present from the baby to say sorry for taking so much of Mummy's time at the moment? Put out the toys or get a book ready to read together when you sit down to feed. How about a baby dolly of her own?

When you are feeling a bit more up to it, put the baby in the pram at nap time and head to the park with DC1.

Don't be afraid to pull her out of nursery for the odd half day to spend some time together. Or can she go in late or leave early? The money is paid regardless!

I'm going to be controversial and suggest introducing a bottle a day so that DC2 is not so reliant on you being there for feeds. I didn't do this with DC1 but did with DC2 and it did mean that DC1 and I could "escape" every now and again for a bit of us-time, knowing he would take bottles. I have fond memories of a morning when DC2 was only a couple of months old and I relinquished him to MIL for a day (she loved it) and DC1 and I had a day out, just us. I missed DC2 more than you can imagine, but DC1 needed me too.

DC1 and I regularly have girls' days/girls' time now DC2 is a bit older, I pop him into nursery for an extra day if she has a teacher-training day and we have a day out together.

You won't lose your bond with your DC1, your DC1 will have to learn to share you, and get to know daddy a bit better, but soon enough you will be out the other side of this, like us!

Good luck x

BlueberryHill Thu 25-Apr-13 13:44:48

Is there anyone who could take DC1 out and treat him like mad, even if you can't (it is only 3 weeks don't beat yourself up about it) he will love the attention of someone close. Give him loads of hugs and cut him a lot of slack. It will work out, your DC2 is still very small and it gets easier. I find the hardest thing is expecting DC1 to be older and behave when he is still a small boy.

I worried about it as well, DS1 is 6 and DTs are 2.9. Now the DTs are older, they all have great fun together (along with the inevitable arguments), whilst your attention is diluted from before as your DC2 grows up they will also have a relationship which will carry on for their lives.

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