trying to protect my children's emotional well being??

[calamitySammy]

I am totally a loss as to what to do.

I have been split from my abusive ex for nearly a year. At the beginning I allowed access but he lied about working to get out of having the boys and has stolen from us. When I changed the arrangement to supervised visitations with his parents because he was bad mouthing me to the kids and was apparently having panic attacks he turned up late and left early, continued to bad mouth me and glorify drinking to my 10 year old.
I felt that the best thing to do was cut contact all together. I do, however, let the children see his parents and they do go to his fathers house which is up the road from his residence.
So he turned up there today, knowing that they were there. I don't know what to do. His mum let the kids have a cuddle and play before they left.
He hasn't seen them or even fought to see them since the beginning of January. He didn't turn up to his second visitation in January and offered no explanation as to why he didn't turn up. Hence me ending contact.

What do I do?? His mums lovely with the boys, however I feel like I've been totally undermined by her not removing the boys straight away.

[Teachercreature]

Hmm tricky. You could try speaking to your ex's mother, and even prevent the kids from going to her, but that could cause further problems?

How about try someone like Citizens Advice, see if they can be of help? They might be able to put you on to someone who can either legally advise or mediate? (And good luck!)

[calamitySammy]

They were Ok. How are they supposed to feel secure? Isn't a father supposed to be a constant in their lifes? Not pop in and out when he chooses every 3 months or so. Surely that's more damaging???

[Sparklymommy]

If I were you I would take you ex's mother for a coffee, away from the children, and ask her what happened. It may be that she felt it would have upset your children and bred resentment had she not let them see their father for a few minutes. Let her explain her pov, and then explain yours, without accusations, anger or tears. I know it's hard but maybe if you can talk through it together then you can come up with a solution should the situation occur again.