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Expectation From Partner Regarding Cleaning

(31 Posts)
Kimmyrich Sat 02-Mar-13 00:11:56

Whenever I mention that a friend maybe popping over he always expects the house to be 100 % clean top to bottom. Evan though I only had our little one just 10 days ago and they have offered to help when the pop over. I have tried talking to him to get him to understand and he just says if it'smnot clean I may as well go out to see them. What can I do? Sorry if I have posted this in. The wrong section but wasn't sure where to post this.

Lavenderhoney Mon 04-Mar-13 18:42:17

Kimmy- he's going to have to get over the fact that being at home all day after giving birth does not mean you are going to run round with a duster just before he gets home. He'll expect lip gloss nextsmile and his dinner on the table.

Babies make a huge amount of messsmile and calming a crying baby takes precedence over tidying. What will he do if he gets home and baby is asleep ( finally!) and you are slumped in front of the tv? Shout? Moan? Make you wish he had stayed at work? Not believe you have been struggling to get a baby to sleep or the endless demand for milk from a growing baby who wants comfort? Your baby will sense your stress and it can affect milk flow.

When the baby sleeps, you must rest. Your milk need a chance to replenish, so grab a sandwich, and drink loads and loads of water. Make sure your freezer is full and eat foods that heat up easily and can be eaten with one hand whilst balancing said starving babysmile like lasagne for instance.

When you feel like it, you will be able to potter about a bit, but as I'm guessing it's you up in the night bf which yes is just sitting but you are making milk, you need to rest.

Invite who you like, it's your home and your baby's home too. Don't let him dis-invite people due to new baby mess- that would be controlling.

HearMyRoar Mon 04-Mar-13 19:23:33

My HV and midwife were both very clear that they considered a spotless house a warning sign that there maybe something amiss. My HV said, and I quote, 'if they are spending time cleaning they aren't spending it looking after their baby. A house with a newborn in should be a mess.'

I think maybe you should tell your dp this and if necessary speak to your midwife or HV and ask what their opinions are. At this stage all your energy should be focused on your baby, you don't have time to clean as well. I remember days when I was bfing dd all day and barely had the chance to leave bed, dp used to come home from work at lunchtime and bring me sandwiches, bless him grin

expatinscotland Mon 04-Mar-13 19:26:51

Then you point him in the direction of the cleaning cupboard and tell him to get on with it. If he's gone then you tell him to leave it clean before he leaves if he wants it that way. Then ignore the rest of his comments.

ZuleikaD Tue 05-Mar-13 07:48:41

What has been said upthread about needing rest in order to 'make' milk is absolutely true. You cannot, indeed must not spend time in between feeds haring round cleaning stuff, otherwise your supply won't be able to keep up - your body only has so much energy and making milk is a high intensity process.

cakes, this is massively off-topic (and I only mention it in case you come back to the thread because it reminds me of a friend of ours) but it's possible your DH might perhaps benefit from talking to someone about why he feels the need to have everything so clean all the time. In particular, cleaning the house rather than supporting you in labour isn't a 'usual' reaction. Our friend has got a lot out of some cognitive behavioural therapy and is now better able to cope with some of the things that used to drive him crazy.

rachi1990xx Tue 12-Mar-13 18:46:40

Omg who does he think he is tell him to get off his arse and do it himself you have just been through a very stressful and emotional time you should not have to lift a finger you need to talk to him before it gets worse chin up hunny x

ElliesWellies Wed 13-Mar-13 22:49:07

He sounds OTT. The house can't get that dirty in the space of a few hours if he has tidied round the evening before your guests come. He'd rather you be isolated than have your guests see a few unwashed plates? He needs to get his priorities straight.

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