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Please help. DH is devastated by DD's constant rejection.

(18 Posts)
headlesslambrini Sat 09-Feb-13 15:49:03

I would try bribery - worked every time with mine. If she has any finger type food which she really enjoys then get DH to pass it to her, she will start to associate DH with good and nice things then.

milbracat Sat 09-Feb-13 15:44:22

I would echo SageMist. My DH pre-empted all this with DD by being involved from the. He changed nappies, bathed her etc all without any prompting. Later on he would read her stories. I did too of course, by DD started to prefer DH doing it. DH didn't just read but would do funny voices and expand the story with little quizzes and things that would get DD (and DS) to think. For example, if he was reading a farmyard story, DH would not only do the cow, pig and sheep noises but would explain about milk, meat and wool and then test the DCs knowledge. One book never became boring or samey but he could always find something new and fresh in the story.

Encourage your DH to develop activities with your DD that are unique to him (as opposed to you) that are fun and develops her mind. As DCs get older, having an outgoing role model who will teach them the self confidence and ability to get on in the outside world is important and is an area the DHs or DPs can really shine - if they get the right encouragement which I don't think they do much of the time.

SageMist Sat 09-Feb-13 14:40:54

I know that for most people this kind of behaviour is just a phase, but this isn't true for us.

It was (and is) the other way round for us, DD is a Daddy's girl. DH & I both work full time so have approximately the same amount of time that we spend with her. But DD, who is now 11, did and still does favour her Dad over me.

I have found the only way to deal with this is for me to spend quality one-one time with DD on a fairly regular basis. If I don't then DD ignores me more and more, which becomes very distressing for me. It also helps us to have zero tolerance for unkind and rude behaviour.

I would suggest that your DH needs regularly to spend some time on his own with your DD to build up a good relationship with her.

NickECave Fri 08-Feb-13 20:54:20

My first DD was exactly the same. It was just a phase but it did go on a long time - from around age 2 until she was about 4. In our case it was probably triggered by my DH hurting his ankle and having to wear a leg cast and use crutches for 3 months which I think she found scary. She is fine now though and my second DD has always been fine with DH.

Lafaminute Thu 07-Feb-13 20:47:46

I don't know what causes this but my ds was like this with ME for the first 3 years!! It was devastating. I carried him, gave birth to him, bf him even! DH didn't ever feel him kick, never came to a scan, was not interested til he was born - it was tough and I often thought: thank God he's not my first because I don't know how I would've coped. Because I had another child who had favoured me - leaving dh feeling like yours - I knew that it was just the way it happens. EVERY other mother said: oh really, well, my DS adores me only!! I have never met another mother who found as I did but there you go. Sympathy to your dh but remind him she's a baby and he must persevere as though she has not expressed an opinion and one day she will be just as happy to go to him (maybe even happier!!)

CheddarGorgeous Thu 07-Feb-13 20:41:55

I was the favourite for the first 5 years, now I'm always second choice. No doubt mine will change again.

As others have said, it's just a phase, but your DH should be spending some time by himself with your DD.

defineme Thu 07-Feb-13 20:38:18

It's a phase.
Reassure dh.
Leave the house and let them get on with it as much as possible.

poozlepants Thu 07-Feb-13 20:37:50

My Ds who is 4 still goes through phases of this. When it happens DH just makes a point of spending a lot more time with him and doing the routine stuff - so he will do all bathtime and bedtime and weekend stuff and then it passes.

Missingthemincepies Thu 07-Feb-13 20:36:32

DS is 2.7 and I've always been "favourite", which can be difficult for me but is worse for DH. But, when I'm not there, DS is perfectly happy with DH. DH takes DS swimming each week as a boys only activity and they both love it, it gives them some time alone without me - would something like that be a possibility? Or even just leave them to it for a morning.

I'm very sure it'll switch at some point and DS will want DH and not me. Know that would make me feel dreadful though, so I do feel for DH just now.

kerala Thu 07-Feb-13 20:33:34

Its just a phase I really wouldnt read much into it she is tiny and doesnt know what shes doing. My DD was like this at this age WITH ME shock and I was a SAHM so got quite upset. She would hit me (no one else). My lovely aunt who knows alot about child development said it was because she felt so comfortable with me she could let out her "real" feelings. Dont know if this is true or not but made it easier to bear!

FWIW phase passed DD now a thoughtful lovely 6 year old and we have a great relationship.

Scootee Thu 07-Feb-13 20:29:50

They can be like this when they are so little. She is just a baby, it will pass.

Sunshine200 Thu 07-Feb-13 20:28:28

Try and reassure your DH that this is not uncommon. My dd is exactly the same with my DH. Whats now made it worse is that she has started to go to her grandad (it used to be both of them she cried with).
I wonder in my situation if it's because he is too intense with her, he picks her up and plays with her on his terms, even if she isn't in the mood, where as I and grandparents sit with her and let her play with us when she wants to. My DH sees her in short spells and feels like he always has to make her laugh, which he does and then she's had enough and is crying again!

RedPencils Thu 07-Feb-13 16:06:56

It's hard when your not the favourite, but it's just a phase.
Does he do anything just the two of them without you around?

WowOoo Thu 07-Feb-13 15:48:34

Ds2 went through phases like this and still does.
Do they get to spend any time together?
I went away for a weekend and then when I got back he was a daddy's boy for a few days.

Dh was very good about it and accepted that it was just a phase. (Perhaps because it meant that I had to deal with Ds2 when upset !) I'd have been crushed.

Your dh could pretend to be sad - not sure if that would work?

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 07-Feb-13 15:46:50

Yes agree with val she'll pick up on both your emotions, try and stay unmoved by it all

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 07-Feb-13 15:44:50

Dd was like this, it passed. DH was around a lot working from home when she was tiny but she just didn't take to him until she was older. I think it was a combination of them not having much time together without me, DH not being 100% confident with her, tbh I'm not sure but it is a lot lot better now.

valiumredhead Thu 07-Feb-13 15:44:35

Well, I'm not surprised if sh ended up in tears, dd probably picked up on how he was feeling.

He just needs to carry on, regardless of wether she cries or not and try not to get upset.

ChunkysMum Thu 07-Feb-13 15:38:59

This morning we both got up with DD (14mo).

I have a stomach bug so needed to go to the loo ASAP so I passed DD to DH and she screamed and screamed and tried to get away from him.

All the time I was in the bathroom I could hear her screaming and battling to get away from DH and I could hear DH getting increasingly upset. He ended up in tears (this is unusual for him). DD is a loud screamer.

If it was just a one-off it would be OK, but she almost always screams when he picks her up no matter what mood she's in, unless they are watching Baby Jake when she'll sit on his knee for 10 mins.

She is very clingy to me, but will go to my parents from me, but will not go to DH.

DH is a good father, he loves DD and it breaks both mine and his heart when she acts like this.

What can we do?

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