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My 19month old Son hits me and doesnt listen - at breaking point

(24 Posts)
MySonIsMyWorld Thu 27-Dec-12 19:45:16

Hi All
Subject says it all really, good as gold for his dad goes to sleep for his dad but lies there arsing about and smacking me, biting me, and hurting me when im trying to get him to sleep. Doesnt listen to me during the day and im at the end of my thether complely!
I am a SAHM and i love my little blondie boy to bits but i really am so broke that he hits me and everything ALL the time......any ideas? xx

SminkoPinko Thu 27-Dec-12 19:51:56

Put him in his cot for a minute every time he hits/bites. Say firmly "No hitting/biting" and then completely ignore him for that minute. Take a few deep breaths and try not to get too upset.

Any time he behaves well for a few minutes tell him what a fab good boy he is.

Don't worry, he sounds totally normal and you are lovely, I'm This is something they all do!

sweetkitty Thu 27-Dec-12 19:53:05

My DS used to hit and bite me now he just pulls my hair and sits on my head. It is actually affection he gets so excited with me. Its bloody annoying at times though. He's not like it with DP and he actually listens to him.

He's only a baby really doesn't know what he's doing. When he hits you tell him no that's sore, put him down or walk away from him. Ignore him for a minute, then come back and say Mummy likes cuddles, give him a cuddle, tell him cuddles are nice. It is only a phase but if you keep putting him down or walking away hopefully one day he'll get the idea.

Cybbo Thu 27-Dec-12 20:00:33

How do you mean 'trying to get him to sleep'? Could you just pop him in cot and leave him till he drops off?

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 27-Dec-12 20:19:13

He is still in our bed.....which isnt a problem as far as i dont mind him being there but he doesnt settle well now. Ive tried to put him in his cot and he screams blue murder and is eventually sick so it defies the point because then i have to go into going to try and do the chair by the cot thing and move it away bit by bit but the only problem is that i'm so shattered because dp doesnt do anything around the house etc..... ohh ive messed up somewhere

PoppyWearer Thu 27-Dec-12 20:23:11

My DC2 is a bit like this (16mo) but because he's my DC2 I have the advantage of knowing that everything is a phase and it will pass!

I'm trying time-outs with my DS because his nursery says it's fine to start now.

But generally yes, they behave worse with the main care-giver, usually mum. And definitely worse when teething, I find? I also think my DS is trying to work out the difference between biting/head butting/hugging and hasn't quite got there yet.

Hand over to your DH when you can - now there's a punishment, being away from Mummy!

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 27-Dec-12 20:44:42

Haha i hand over to DP but i dont think he is very good with my son, he is too shouty for my liking! Ohhh i dont know what to do

Cybbo Thu 27-Dec-12 22:19:34

Your user name, the fact you let your son hit you and the fact you don't want your DP to put your son to bed is a bit hmm

I'm clearly a tough old bag but I would have him in a cot,in his own room; by all means sit near him until he's asleep but start to get your life back

QTPie Thu 27-Dec-12 22:35:03

Do you have a spare (single) mattress? Put that by he cot (instead of a chair) with a pillow and duvet), then if you drop off... Then move slowly further away and out the door over the next few weeks. Sounds like it is time to get him sleeping in his own cot (securely, happily, but firmly).

Good luck.

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 27-Dec-12 22:39:16

i like the mattress idea...... may have to get one!! I think it is time to set my foot down and get him in his cot because now it is 10.38pm and my 19mo is still up!!! Cybbo my dp has a tendency to walk out and i dont want ds having a bedtime routine with dp if he isnt there all the time if you get me - dp also uses the fact i "carnt get my own son to sleep" against me and that hurts....

Cybbo Thu 27-Dec-12 22:42:24

You need an agreed routine that you both can share- QT's idea good as long as you see it as a way to get your own space back and not a permanent addition to sons bedroom floor!

EleanorGiftbasket Thu 27-Dec-12 22:43:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProphetOfDoom Thu 27-Dec-12 22:54:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 27-Dec-12 22:56:52

When my DP has walked out before we have both been happier because of it (in the end) but its very complicated and hard....long long story....i think im so tired everything seems like a mountain - i thought dp would be much better than he is with regards to the housework etc etc he is good with our son very good at playing etc but he hasnt got patience and he is a loud person. I dont actually think the problem is my ds as much as it is my DP! If DP was helping more then id have more engery to push the cot thing instead of giving up because of exhaustion.... tomorrow is the big day anyway, going to have a clean of ds bedroom get him some clean sheets on and make it lovley again for him - do you use cot mobiles for ypur 18+ month olds now or do you have anything playing etc in there room?? i have this light that puts spots on the ceiling and rotates and he did have a fisher price projection cot mobile but he just ends up standing there pushing buttons haha....

ProphetOfDoom Thu 27-Dec-12 23:06:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 27-Dec-12 23:09:22

he does have 1 nap at a time that suits him normally after dinner at 1ish he will sleep for around half and hour to 1 hour. I think il try the milk aswell and potter upstairs tidying with hall light on! good ideas!

lorisparkle Thu 27-Dec-12 23:12:17

SOunds like you are having a really hard time at the moment and lack of sleep really does not help. Try and remember that he is only 19 months still so small with such a limited understanding and memory of actions and consequences.

DS3 can be quite aggressive (DS2 has taught him lots of tips!) I try and model and encourage the behaviour I do want as much as possible. Try and catch him being good and tell him in simple language that is how you want him to behave.

The book 'Teach your child to sleep' has some great information about sleep and ways to get your child to go to sleep by themselves. I have just about got the energy to deal with DS3's sleep. He has a projector thing and I let him mess around with it, he soons settles and it keeps him happy. I used to sit next to him but am currently sitting at the end of his bed ignoring him as much as possible. Next I plan to sit in the doorway then just outside his room. Hopefully I will be out of his room for good soon but with 3 DSs I am lacking in energy and time!

GOod luck and keep positive

QTPie Thu 27-Dec-12 23:36:04

We don't have for mobiles, but I do have a rotating light/night light (well away from the cot) just to break up the darkness...

We had the mattress on the floor when DS was badly teething (13 to 19 months) and had lots of sleep disruption. He never settled well in our bed (thought it was "play time") and it has always been good to have the continuity and security of him being in his own room. DH and I would take it in turns to go in. If he was very unsettled, then we would sleep there. If he settled and I woke up, then I could sneak back to my own bed.

Would just lie on the mattress (and hold his hand, I'm the early days) to settle for sleep/naps. Then used Supernanny's "sleep Seperation" technique to stop hand holding and move across the room, near the door and out of the door and along the corridor (took me a few weeks to get out altogether, but I did it very slowl and reassuringly). I did his after his teething had finished (19 months) and he was self settling by 20 months.

To be honest we still have he spare matters on the floor in DS's room (he is almost 3), but it very very rarely gets used! It is just that it is sod's law that whenever we remove it from the room, DS is I'll or something and wakes during the night: the mattress is sort of the "lucky charm": hardly ever ever used, but blooming handy if he does actually wake (one of us just goes in and crashes on the floor). His proper bed (full sized single) arrives next week (he is in a cotbed with he side down and has been since 25 months), so will try moving the mattress out then (since I could climb in with him if need be).

I like to have a good balance: he self-settles (after a story and two minute cuddle) in his own bed (and I have my evening), but if he needs me (unwell, nightmare, whatever), then I go in and stay with him and will cuddle him. A good mixture of independence and reassurance.

MySonIsMyWorld Fri 28-Dec-12 11:34:59

Thanks for all the tips! Sorting ds room out as i type - going to get a matress on the floor next to his cot tonight put him in his cot and then give him a kiss and tell him its bedtime then im going to sit or lie on the mattress untill he falls asleep (well thats the plan anyway!!) I'm so shattered ds went to sleep at 12.15 and woke at 9am which is fine if i wasnt up at 4am yesterday haha..... tonight is the night! I like the story and two minute cuddle idea will try that i think.

QTPie Fri 28-Dec-12 13:02:39

Good luck.

Be firm, but very patient and comforting (back rubbing, hand holding, shushing etc). He will have you right there with him. I actually found that either falling asleep (or pretending to) wasn't a bad thing either - DS would tend to follow suit.

I honestly think it is a step in the right direction: get him settled, secure and comfortable in his room (with you with him), then gently get yourself slowly out of the room (in a few weeks). Some may say "from one crutch to another", but I think of it as taking little steps in the right direction, in a gentle way that can work for everyone.

Hope it works for you. Mattress on fl

QTPie Fri 28-Dec-12 13:03:26

Mattress on floor isn't as great as your own bed, but it isn't too bad and is a step in the right direction...

MySonIsMyWorld Fri 28-Dec-12 16:33:50

Righie oh my mattress is on the floor next to cot my routine is in place got my book ready to read while ds screams at me and my laptop to come on here and sob abit...... bring it on.....

QTPie Fri 28-Dec-12 17:41:01

I would try to be subtle (do you have iPhone/iPad instead?): if you are doing things (like reading/laptop), then it isn't giving a "time to go to sleep" vibe (if that makes sense?). If you pretend to sleep (or subtly browse on your phone so he can't see ), then it is more effective.

MySonIsMyWorld Sat 29-Dec-12 22:04:14

I havent used my laptop or phone while he has been awake switched it on when he has fallen asleep smile....

its day 2 and im shattered! Night one went ok ish started off with bath book milk cuddle in cot mummy lay at side of him on my foam mattress - with my head at the side of the cot so he could have "hair" started at 6.45 he nodded off at about 9pm - woke at around midnight howeling so had to get in cot with him to snuggle him back to sleep went back to sleep really quick got out of cot and back on my mattress on the floor then he was awake at 3am tried to settle him back down but ended up at 4am putting him on my matress with me...

tonight, been awful will not settle without hair, only just gone down on my mattress then ive transferred him to his cot....

sat next to cot on foam matress thinking about running away haha..... tomorrow im not going to get in or get him out of his cot at just have to keep telling him to lie down and its ok etc etcc still feel like im hitting my head on a brick wall...

btw you have all been great x thanks x

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