has anyone else breastfed one but not the other?(17 Posts)
I breastfed ds1 for 1yr but now with ds2 I have stpped even trying after just a few weeks. It was just so exhausting and timeconsuming whilst looking after a toddler.
I now feel incredibly guilty though. Especially as ds2 lots of problems like wind and vomitting that ds1 didn't have (caused by the formula). I just keep crying about it. Ds2 had a good latch (but now refuses - I think due to having so many bottles).
I feel I've let him down and shown favouritism to ds1 and about all the supposed benefits of bf that ds2 wonlt have
I did it the other way round. DC1 never fed very well, went on nursing strike at 2 months and was pretty much FF from that point onwards. With DC2, BF seemed much easier and I'm still going at 13 months.
Don't give yourself a hard time about the wind and vomiting etc. I haven't noticed any particular differences between my 2 - actually the FF one seems to get ill less . And both fart loads so no effects on windiness either!
It's easy to say not to feel bad but I think as mothers we are programmed to feel guilty whatever we do! If you are so concerned about your baby having formula have you considered trying to express? Even if you only manage to do so a couple of times a day at least your baby would get the health benefits of some breastmilk?
I have tried expressing but hardly getting anything out and taking a long time.. just finding it really difficult caring for both dc and getting hardly any sleep.
Im sure your little baby would rather his.mum.is calm.and happy with him than fretting and stressing over bf.
There is every possibility that he would have had sickness / wind even with bm so.please dont beat yourself up about it.
We all toy over the choices we make for our dcs, but I dont know any adult who even cares whether they were bf or ff as a baby.
Please be kind to yourself.
I agree with the poster above who said we are programmed to feel guilty about everything! I used to feel bad because I was so much more easy going with DS than I'd ever been with DD and because she watched tooth TV when he was born (she's fine!) the list goes on!
DS2's wind issues may be nothing to do with the formula. I BFed both mine and DS was very windy/refluxy despite this (he still has bouts of severe wind which take a lot to get a huge burp out even though he's 22 months old)
As for the benefits - ds2 will benefit from having a happier mum. Plus, my brother was BFed and I was bottle fed and I have turned out far better than him!
OP I was very much the same as you...bf dd for four months, then DS only for 3 weeks. I felt awful for a bit but i was struggling as dd was only 19mo and i felt so stretched. I was happier in the long run not bf DS so that was a benefit to both dcs.
How long has been off the boob for? If it is important to you and you regret the decision then try to get him back on. It won't necessarily be easy. Have you help with your toddler over Christmas? Keep him close to you at all time, lots of skin on skin. To be frank, it does seem unfair on number 2 to prioritise toddler needs over baby needs.
Ds1 fed for 18mths.
Ds2 fed for almost four years.
Ds3 fed for three and a bit years.
Ds4 fed for 3-4 mths.
Dd fed for 3 mths ish.
For various reasons it didnt work out for the last two. They are now 4 and 2 yrs old. I do get pangs of sadness/guilt about it but they are fine and as my children all get older (others are 13, 10 and 8) i cam see that in the big scheme of things it doesnt matter that much.
Things change for mw family dynamics and illness (mine) meant that bottle feeding worked.
We all do the best we can at the time.
You gave it a go, you love your baby and when he is older you realise this baby stage is such a small part of the overall picture xxx
Btw i still made sure feeds were snuggly time and held baby close like bfeeding and used a sling all the time. My parenting was the same but milk from a bottle not the boob.
There is some stuff on bottlefeeding like you are bfeedimg, there is a name for it? Tiktok or someone may know what i mean?
I read that and made feeds just assnuggly etc as a bfeed, lots of skin to skin etc.
If you want to express and try to build up supply it may be posdible, when did yoi stop bfeeding?
I breastfed DD and bottle fed DS.
Massive problems getting DS to latch on and he was losing weight. Not even the breasfeeding supporters could seem to get it to work. Switching to bottles saved my sanity - and meant thet DS stopped losing weight.
DD was breastfed. Latched on no problems immediately and I fed her for over a year.
Both are healthy and happy and you couldn't tell the difference at all.
If baby is sick from the formula, speak to your GP about getting some hypo allergenic formula.
You could try and relactate but it's hard work and very hard with a toddler I can imagine! I would speak to a BF counsellor - even just to sort out the feelings in your head.
You'll never treat each of your kids exactly the same, it doesn't work like that, not even with twins.
Treating your kids equally isn't about giving the exact same things. It's more about doing your best by them at the time. Given whatever other circumstances you have on your plate at the time. You are making comparable efforts to get their needs met with different results you couldn't predict anyway. Fully breastfed babies can be windy vomitters too! Nothing to feel guilty about.
Try to look after yourself. Toddler + little Baby is an exhausting combination.
I bf dd1and ds1, but dd2 was born with no suck or gag reflex, and was tube fed. I expressed at first, and eventually she learned to suck, but needed to be bottle fed as they were measuring input/ output due to potential issues (and her suck was so weak she couldn't latch). I managed to continue to express for the 6 weeks she was in hospital, but when she had been home a week (and had gone back in again to get another tube put in as she didn't feed for 16 hours) I just couldn't cope. Dd1 was 3, and ds1 was 18 mos, and a sick newborn, expressing, plus the emotional angst meant something had to go, so I stopped expressing and put her on formula.
My guilt levels were through the roof (after all, this was a baby who clearly needed bf in a way the other two non brain damaged kids didn't, lol), but for the sanity of my family and I, it just wasn't possible. I had even been onto specialist bf advisors discussing additional equipment which might help to make bf possible for her (supplementers etc) but in the end I just couldn't.
She's now 9. She's no more unhealthy than the other two, and despite the brain damage, has a measurably higher iq.
Every child is different, and every family is different for each child. Guilt is overrated.
I FF DD, had massive blood transfusion post partum, had tons if colostrum but milk never came in. DS had tongue tie and wouldn't latch, I had tons of milk that time round and expressed and he was EBF (albeit from a bottle, but all expressed BM£ for thirteen weeks. Nearly drove myself mad and the HV was begging me to stop. Only 15 months between my DC and DD only walked 2 weeks before DS was born so expressing and feeding DS was immensely time consuming with another child to look after who was essentially still a baby herself.
Can I tell a difference between the one who got EBF and the one who was FF? Nope. They are both rarely ill. DD who was FF is streets ahead of DS developmentally and my bond with both of them is equally strong (although my nipples will never be the same again after all that pumping).
I almost exclusively bf one twin, while the other got a mixture of expressed and formula for the first 3 months. That was the best I could do. I did manage to start breastfeeding him too at that point, but do still feel guilty that I stuck to mix feeding them both from then as I could have upped my milk to suit both of them with a bit of effort. But I was just managing to get out a bit at that point. Taking to the couch to cluster feed for a week was unappealing. Strange - because it sounds like bliss now!!!
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