Bored to tears how do you all cope?(35 Posts)
Just that really. DD's are 3 and 15mths . DH works full time and I am a SAHM.
Both DH and I are bored of our weekends. Oldest DD has a temp and cold so have stayed home all weekend.
What do you all do to stop getting soo bored. I have already read with them, played games, watched some TV, done puzzles the usual but these are all interesting things for the DD's, DH and I are bored to tears. I am aware how ungrateful that makes me sound but seriously what do you all do? Anyone else feel the same way. Do you do adult things during the weekend and drag the kids along? And what do you do??? Especially with DC this young.
Please help seriously losing the will to parent!
I'm pretty lucky in that we have one child and live in London which has a gazillion things to do. Until DD (3.5) went to full-time pre-school, I was a SAHM and now run my own business from home.
Must admit I've never been bored (other than pushing swings). We tend to take DD out to museums at weekends or other places in London. Harrods for example is a great cheap day out - the other week they had free face-painting, free balloon animal things, free nail painting, glitter tattoos etc. The kids can also actually play with the toys on displat. DD is pretty good at not wanting to buy everything there and enjoys it. In the meantime DH or I have a wander to look at things that interest us (you can even have free coffee at the nespresso capsule counter).
I refuse to watch horrible kids TV, so DD doesn't know that things like Disney's Cinderella exist, nor has she even seen Dora. Instead she has things like Mary Poppins, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Narnia and HP. She loves them, but is also a child who is utterly fearless - she thinks the child catcher in CCBB is amusing, I was terrified of him as a child. She understands the plots, loves the songs and dance routines and I can actually cope with watching them a gazillion times a week.
They also tie in well with museums - she likes to play in the Anderson shelter in the Imperial War Museum because it's like the beginning of the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
In nice weather we go for walks or go to the park to feed the squirrels. DH has adopted photography as a serious hobby (poor DD is the most spied on kid I know) so he has something to concentrate on when we are out in terms of improving his technique, experimenting with different ideas.
I firmly believe that children should have plenty of time to amuse themselves. If we have gone out for a Saturday to a museum or something like that, then when we get home it is 'Mummy and Daddy Time' and DD is expected to play nicely with her toys and entertain herself while we read or play with the computer or even just have a nice quiet child-free bath.
I just have one dd aged 20 months & I go mad if we stay in all weekend, in fact we all go a bit mad. It is really hard when they are poorly though but I agree with thalianotfaliure about bundling them up in the buggy for a bit of an airing.
That said I remember crying over the jubilee weekend as dd was ill & it was rainy but I felt like everyone else in the country was doing fun stuff & we were stuck at home with a poorly child, literally bored to tears.
Dp & I take turns to have an extra hour or so in bed at the weekend & each of us occasionally goes off & does our own thing for a few hours. Together we go to the park (I'm a bit sick of this but dd & dp are happy), go for walks further afield, have lunch out occasionally, go to galleries or museums, go swimming, go to the library, meet or visit family & friends, that sort of thing. It's hardly boozy lunches with gangs of friends but we enjoy it. Do you ever do baking? I've just started with dd & I thought she might be too young but as long as its a simple recipe with stiring involved she really enjoys it.
Some of the nicest days I've had with dd are ones when I've woken up & thought 'what the f**k am I going to do with her all day?' And I've had to give myself a pep talk and come up with an outing or activity, even just a picnic in the park & the day is transformed.
Oh, and do not feel guilty about wanting some time doing other things. Seriously. It is normal and healthy and does not make you a bad parent.
Definitely take turns to be on kiddy duty while the other one gets a break/goes out/meets friends.
Also, you can take dd along with you for some things. Dh and I take ds for the odd pub lunch or meal out on weekends - we can't laze away the afternoon but if we stick to one course and maybe a wick coffee , ds will sit in a high chair snacking, reading his books, or playing on my iPhone. But it's so nice to do something adult. And of course we also do it with friends or family sometimes but ds gets a little crazy over excited!
We also meet up with friends on weekends - many friends without dc of their own enjoy spending a few hours with us with ds and he loves getting attention from other people.
My point is that it's not the same as the old days. But we do get to do more than just endless trips to the park and games at home.
I used to meet up with friends, picnic lunches in the park, play ball games, feed the ducks, trips to the library, story time at the library, 1 o'clock club (free sessions run by local council) gym club, ballet, swimming.
I used play games matching the socks up, talking about colours and names clothes when sorting out the washing. Growing cress in potatoes, planting sunflowers and tomatoes. My two used to love being in the garden, collecting leaves, doing leaf print pictures, salt dough Christmas decorations.
I was lucky in that I lived in an area with a lot of older people who were always happy to stop and have a chat when we were out and about locally.
DH works full time, me 2 days (freelance, make hardly any money but I needed to do it after 2 years as a sahm, I found it a real struggle).
On the weekends we might go to a museum or gallery (we're in London so plenty of choice), library, local woods or parks that I don't get to in the week, see friends, just potter about - you don't have to entertain your children constantly, we can usually plonk down with the paper and a cuppa whilst DD (nearly 3) bumbles about. DH will normally do at least one thing out of the house with her each weekend, he likes it being just the 2 of them cos she can focus on me if I'm around (but totally out of sight out of mind!).
If you going back to work simply covers childcare (so you'd be no worse off but not any better off), I would do it if you're struggling, I could not go back to looking after DD full time (and I'd like to work more days if I could).
If you have a poorly one I would bundle them up and take them for a walk in the pram.
I have to say, when we mull over moving out of London, it's things like this that make me appreciate it, there are so many things to do with a toddler!
Read 'The Idle Parent' by ?Tom Hodgkinson, you'll feel normal again.
And it's good for the dcs to see you reading
Get out of the house, we go to the park, a soft play area, a cafe, swimming. In the house all weekend is a recipe for disaster IME. This weekend ds was sick so I tok dd out and we had a fantastic day. Nothing planned, but it was really lovely.
I remember the boredom. I was as active a mother as it was possible to be with outings, walks, swimming, soft play, music, sport, the park, the theatre, friends in to play and have tea etc. Sounds good? Maybe, but I spent years feeling thoroughly bored with it all. However, I chose to bring children into the world and they deserved as much care, love, education and fun as possible. When the youngest left home recently to go to university I knew I would miss her but I felt an enormous sense of relief.
I don't think you should feel guilty for wanting to do something for yourself at the weekend, you are with your DC all week, the weekend is the best time for you to get a break!
My DH works full time and as he is out of the house all week, he loves to lay around at home, play with DD's, watch TV and chill. I use this time to take myself off out, meet a friend, go round the shops, anything just for some 'me' time. Then usually on one of the days we will all go out together to the park for a walk, round to see friends.
I think splitting up can be good too, my DH used to take DD1 to swimming on a sat morning, which would give me a couple of hours with just DD2.
What would you be doing on the weekend if you didn't have children? Sometimes we fall into the trap of thinking we can't do things because of the children. Just ask that question sometimes and trial taking them with you rather than just doing things for them. You may sometimes be surprised that they could fit into your plans.
Yes it can be very boring..... My pet hate was pushing dd on swings...grr..Never has 20 min taken so long. I would clock watch more than when I worked in telesales when at the park with a toddler. You must make time for yourself - no need to do everything as a family all the time. In my experience doing stuff as a family generally involved me with dd whilst dp wandered off to do something more interesting.
And it does get better!! Dd now nearly 8 and she is fun to go places with and can watch some programmes that don't make your teeth fall out (god I hated Dora). Also she's old enough for me to say 'no, funnily enough I do not want to play snakes and ladders/push you on swings/ play hide and seek' etc without me feeling guilty (well not too much anyway)...
There's always ...
This is why I couldn't be a sahm!! Would you not get some help in the form of tax credits towards child care if you went back to work?
Mine are about 6 months older than yours respectively. We do a mixture of stuff we all want to do at the weekends. Sometimes DH takes them both out, often we see extended family, sometimes we make a nice meal, bake, go for walks etc. Church on a Sunday and then a very chilled out afternoon. In the summer we will often do a family day out but not so much at this time of year. I don't feel guilty about using at least some of the weekend for things that I or DH enjoy.
I know how you feel. If there's nothing planned on a weekend I start climbing the walls. DH is happier pottering around the house - he works full time - but I go stir crazy without a plan (even though I work part time).
Our life saver has been the National Trust. We're lucky enough to have 3 or 4 near us and we go quite often. A couple's (kids under 5 are free i think) membership is about £65 for the year and it's quickly made back by a few trips. No need to go round the house, just an explore round the gardens is a good outing.
Being stuck home with a poorly child is really hard though - I feel for you.
It definitely definitely definitely does get better, though obviously it's different to how it was pre children but in my eyes my life has changed for the bette. Having said that I know exactly what you all mean.The boredom is crippling. The lack of any time to do anything for yourself is hideous. I know it gets better though as DS1 is 5 and is generally lovely to be around, can entertain himself a bit, wants to play slightly more interesting board games, watch slightly better films at the cinema etc, he's very portable now too lol so he can come on a shopping trip or sit in a cafe or restaurant nicely which makes life a lot easier..... BUT then there's DS2 whi is 11 months and has reminded me just how boring DS1 used to be and how mind numbing being around very young children and babies is. I think I'd blocked it all out, either that or DS1 got so gradually better that I hadn't relalised the changes or appreiated them! It's all come back to me now. Only now do I remember the months/ years of being bored, being dragged to endless toddler groups, stay and play sessions, tantrums and all the rest of it..... hmmmm! It will get better though!!!
We try to go out and do lots of stuff at the weekend to help make it more interesting. Generally as a family as we both WOH during the week, but think would work on own as well - walk in the countryside, swimming (if we all go, one of us plays with DS while the other does proper swimming, then swops), pub lunches with family or friends, sometime a day out. Wander round the local town, feed the ducks, geocaching - DS is a bit young, but we quite enjoy it. Or some kind of 'project' at home rather than just day-to-day stuff - either something we want/need to do adapted so DS can help, or something he'd love that would be hard to do with just one parent (major craft, cooking).
I do find that if we have a weekend of just domestic stuff then it gets very boring - need to add some treat stuff!
I will endeavour to have some me time on the weekends...but why does that make me feel guilty?
kat are you SAHM or do you go out to work? Do you know what I mean about it being boring? What do you do to make it less so. Would love to go back to work but until DD1 starts school we simply can't afford it
SAHM isn't for everyone. Perhaps you would rather return to work? and at the weekend, make some time for yourself while dh looks after the children for a couple of hours. Take it in turns, and now and then get the children babysat so you can go and do stuff together of an evening.
Does it get better ?
Just come back from a two hour round trip to take my DS to a sporting activity - half hour drive each way and an hour activity - there is nowhere to sit and watch, nowhere interesting to go whilst he does it (we live in a very rural area, even the few pubs are not really the sort you would want to sit it) - I ended up trying to read in my car which wasn't ideal.
This too shall pas (after 18 years ).
I definitely think that weekends need to be a good mix of family time, couple time and individual "time off". We tend to have a treat night on a Friday, with a waitrose dine in deal for eg, have a lie in each, either Sat or Sun,. We all go swimming as a family on a Sat morning, long dog walk Sun, then have lunch together before putting dds down for naps and having a little "lie down" ourselves . We then share out afternoons as needed ie I will take dds to a party so Dh does food shop/diy/reads the papers, or Dh will take them to the park while I batch cook/do christmas shopping/read my book. It's all about getting a balance.
When they're ill everything is harder. This too shall pass.
It is only early days for my dh, dd and I as she is only 16 weeks old but we are lucky that she goes to bed by 7pm most nights. To make up for the fact that we can no longer go out for a meal we pretend we are out. 3 course meal, wine, something unusual to eat and sit at the table. It isn't the same but it isn't far off. (Had pheasant last week and made a beef wellington not so long ago.) We also get other people round for dinner and drinks trying to recreate our pre-dd life.
I also have a dh who sometimes works weekends however I try and do things with friends who are single, or football or golf widows just so dd and I aren't too lonely.
At their age swimming is a nice family activity for the weekend? And the older one could do something like little kickers? My DD is 2.9 and loves it.
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