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Anyone pining for another child, though it is unlikely to happen?

(20 Posts)
rubberglove Mon 12-Nov-12 17:28:56

I have two gorgeous children and though of course it is hard work, I thrive on family life and would dearly love a third.

But too many reasons not to, means I should accept my family is complete. And of course I am thankful for what I have. To some extent the desire for another is indulgent.

So how do I move on?

YourHandInMyHand Mon 12-Nov-12 17:30:54

I don't know how you move on but I feel the same way.

Im a single parent with a child with special needs so think it's highly unlikely I will ever meet someone let alone have another. sad

Mathsdidi Mon 12-Nov-12 17:35:20

Not a clue how you move on, I'm hoping for the same pearls of wisdom.

I have 2 wonderful dds but am desparate for a third dc. It really doesn't help that I was pg with dc3 a while ago but miscarried at 12 weeks. So if we were going to manage with that baby we could manage with another. But dp says no (and logically I agree with him, as there are a number of reasons not to) and it's killing me.

It feels very selfish to be so obsessed with wanting another baby when I am already so lucky with the family I have. I can't help my feelings though and I don't know how to stop them sad

YourHandInMyHand Mon 12-Nov-12 18:04:08

I think it's a biological thing, no matter how many good logical reaosn there are it doesn't stop every fibre of you wanting another one.

Sorry for your mc Mathsdidi.

rubberglove Mon 12-Nov-12 19:04:55

I know there are great things to look forward to, things I will be able to do now the baby years are behind me e.g. get back to work, sort my house, pursue hobbies etc. Dh and I now have a bit more of a social life. I am still young (ish), the children have lovely stages ahead.

But I actually cried the other night, when I thought of no more babies for dh and I. It is so strange and powerful, but I feel every stage my kids go through is a kind of bereavment.

LibrariansMakeNovelLovers Tue 13-Nov-12 12:59:59

Yep, I have three, would love a fourth but really it isn't practical and DH has said absolute no sad
Everytime a friend announces a fourth pregnancy I feel liike bawling my eyes out. I just try and think on how much easier life is now (youngest coming up for four) as I can do a lot I couldn't with little babies

chipmonkey Wed 28-Nov-12 17:48:09

Yes, I had a hysterectomy last year when dd was born and then she died 7 weeks later. I miss her so, so badly, I miss having a baby, I miss having a daughter. Even though another baby wouldn't be her, and I'll never get her back, I would love to be able to have another baby. No pearls of wisdom, I'm afraid. I am very grateful to have my boys, some people can't even have one baby, but I think I'll always feel robbed.

MrsBungleBear Wed 28-Nov-12 17:50:09

sad so sorry for your loss Chipmonkey.

I have two beautiful children but would like another. DH says no though!

BarbarianMum Wed 28-Nov-12 22:10:46

It is a hackneyed old cliche but time really does make these things easier OP.

I have 2 wonderful boys and had always planned on having a third child. But I was so tired when they were both tiny, then I had some health problems, money was tight and dh wasn't really very keen.

My decision not to have any more was definitely a 'head' one for the first couple of years, in my heart I longed for another baby. But I also came to acknowledge that I couldn't have managed one just then (and now I'm too old). It has been a slow process of acceptance that I've had my lot, and it does still hurt sometimes but not as badly, and I have a lot to be grateful for....

sad so sorry Chipmonkey.

EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy Wed 28-Nov-12 22:14:37

Oh, fuck, yes, OP. Absolutely.

2dc interspersed with unexplained miscarriages, long gap, accidental pg ending in mc no. 4. We have a reason for the mc after testing, we could try again but I'm paralysed with fear and rationality sad

Chipmonkey, I'm so sorry.

lia66 Wed 28-Nov-12 22:16:34

chipmonkey the way you wrote that actually made me catch my breath, i am so sorry sad

I have 6 beautiful, healthy children , I am 46 yrs old and I still yearn for another baby, child. In my heart, I am definately not finished but dh says no more and I think Mother Nature is on his side as no periods since arrival of dd 19 mths ago.

i don't think i'll ever really get used to it. sad

TheMysteryCat Wed 28-Nov-12 22:21:40

So sorry chip monkey.

I would love more children too, but am a single parent, never meet any men and am getting towards too old, especially considering that a relationship needs time. Time I don't have.

I feel saddest most of all for my DS, no contact with his father or his family and no sibling. It's only me and my old parents and one sibling. I wish I could give my DS a fuller family.

chipmonkey Wed 28-Nov-12 23:58:07

TheMystery, you are truly all your ds needs. If a bloke doesn't see fit to see his own beautiful child, then it's his loss and your son has the benefit of having an amazing mum all to himself. You sound lovely xx

expatinscotland Thu 29-Nov-12 00:04:20

Yes. Had 3. DH had the snip (though don't know if it worked) and then DD1 died.

I'm nearly 42, however, too old for more.

lia66 Thu 29-Nov-12 00:06:14

Expat no way are you too old for more.

kiwigirl42 Thu 29-Nov-12 00:10:57

We have one DS age 12. He was an unexpected joy as DH was supposed to be infertile following chemotherapy. I always wanted a big family. Are booked for a hysterectomy very soon and, though we are SO lucky to have DS, it makes me sad that it makes things final. His cousin 14 yr old girl spends alot of time with us which is a real pleasure.

TheMysteryCat Thu 29-Nov-12 06:29:16

Thank you chip monkey, that's such a lovely thing to say

expatinscotland Thu 29-Nov-12 09:14:51

Oh, lia, it's definitely too old for me.

IceBergJam Thu 29-Nov-12 09:25:08

Chip, so sorry.

In another life i'd have four. But I married a man with two children who live with us 50/50. They are 16+. I have one beautiful DD 1. We were so very lucky to be able to have her.

DH would if I really wanted but is not keen. How can I put him through another 18 years of child rearing? DSS love their sister. I can't risk a second being second best to them / of less interest. And we would need to move! DH is also 11 years older. Just would not be fair.

Maybe ill have grandchildren very soon!

RillaBlythe Thu 29-Nov-12 09:37:45

So sorry for those who have had losses.

I am in the stage of thinking about a DC3 but aware of all the head reasons not to, so this was an interesting thread to read.

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