Right, tell me what to do re this scenario please!

[user12785]

Yet another horrendous morning getting dcs ready for school. (I don't want to go into why, or advice on how to prevent it...)

Dd(8) spent over an hour on the step, for shouting and screaming. She only had to be quiet and do her 8 mins, but continued shouting and screaming the whole time. She had to get dressed on the step and had a drink on the step (after she was shouting at me that she was "dehydrating"!). Finally she apologised and went into school very contrite.

It's the end of this half term today, so we were going to go out for a hot chocolate after school. Just as we were going into school, she asked if we were still going, and I looked at her incredulously and said of course we aren't, after that behaviour. At which point ds(5) started crying and said (quite rightly) that it wasn't fair and that he hadn't done anything wrong, which is perfectly true, he got ready nicely today.

So... do I forgive and forget and take then both?
Do none of us go?
Do we go but dd has to sit there with nothing (I have done this before btw, and the cafe lady was aghast...).

Over to you. I'm drained by it all. Thank you.

[StaceymReadyForNumber3]

I'd take ds for his treat and let dd watch tbh. She needs to realise there are consequences and your poor ds shouldn't be punished for her behaviour.

Good luck though, you've had a tough morning already!

[exexpat]

You go and she gets a glass of water. Who cares what the cafe lady thnks - she wasn't there for the tantrum.

[ByTheWay1]

I would not go, but I would buy something special/do something special with DS, can you buy a nice new mug and make some marshmallowy hot choc for him at home (the meltdowns can happen at home and judgy servers need not be involved).

[pictish]

Mmm...I'm quite a stern mum when I need to be, but even I couldn't take my kids to a cafe and buy for one and not the other - seems cruel to me.

Seeing as you have told her the treat is off, then you have to stick to it, otherwise she'll just think you say things you don't mean. Which would be true.

I think the treat has to be off. It's a shame for your son, but you should have thought it through before declaring the hot chocolate out the window.

[AgentProvocateur]

I'd take DS and let your DD have a glass if water, as a previous poster suggested. Or else take him at the weekend, if you can get your DD looked after elsewhere.

[Naghoul]

I would make DS a super special hot choc at home, and DD can strop about it at home.

I CBA to set her off again in the cafe.

[wildstrawberryplace]

I would have only withdrawn the treat if I had told her during the tantrum that it would be a consequence. Otherwise, to my mind, it's just carrying on bad feelings and "getting your own back" once the deed is done.

However, now you've said it so you have to stick to your word. I would say the treat is off for both which is a shame for your DS it's done now.

[Almostfifty]

It might just be the push she needs not to do this to you. You need to stick to your word.

I would take them and give her water. I was horrendously strict when mine were young.

[ellesabe]

I would make a fancy coupon for your ds to cash in another day saying 'IOU one hot chocolate with mummy'.

[Shellywelly1973]

Op- what did you do in the end?