I need advice re my 16yr old son seeing his dad who is a drunk

[Anne63]

I am extremely worried after last wkend when my son's father was drunk, caused a lot of bother at a boy's weekend. He left my son to fend for himself, he has been described as a loose cannon. I am at my wits end to know what to do. I don't really want him seeing him at the moment as I'm told he has some issues and needs to sort himself out. I have discussed this with the father but got nowhere. I am afraid for my son. Also the father has firearms which makes me worry. I have only just recently heard that he is a nasty drunk and quite often takes it out on my son. Can someone please please help me, what can I do legally? Can I stop him going there? I would be so grateful for some help.

[Portofino]

What does your son say? Sadly it is his feelings about that matter more than yours.

[LadySybildeChocolate]

This must be so stressful for you, but your son's 16 and legally old enough to make his own decisions. He's a man now, and you would have raised him to do the right thing. Have you spoken to your son about this?

[gallicgirl]

If he's drunk, maybe the police can take bus firearms licence from him and at least that's one less worry.

[gallicgirl]

HIS. Argh, phone.

[Marmiteisyummy]

I agree with gallicgirl, have a chat with a local police officer and explain your concern regarding the firearms. They'll remove his licence quicker than you can blink.
Otherwise, really it's up to your son. Just make sure he knows you're there to talk to and that he can phone anytime, day or night, if he's in trouble and needs picking up.
You brought him up so he'll know right from wrong by now.

[avenueone]

What does your son say? Sadly it is his feelings about that matter more than yours. MN strikes again
As a responsible parent the OP's feelings' do matter' - since when did minors suddenly have the final say? can they vote now? if her son was wanting to drink alcohol for example as he was enjoying the feeling' do this feelings' matter more then?

[titchy]

avenueone - in court the OP's feelings would carry no weight whatsoever. If a 16 yo wanted to see his father, or not, not judge could order this to happen irrespective of what the resident parent wanted and thought was best.

[meditrina]

The time between 16 and 18 is an awkward one. Old enough to leave home, but not yet legally an adult (but still your baby). His views do matter in this. If he wants to see his father, OP won't be able to stop him just going there.

OP: I seems he's not that forthcoming to you about his time with his father, if you have only discovered now (and from third parties) that he's taking his drunkenness out on DS.

I think you need to get communication going with DS about his time at his father's. What exactly is going on, how often is he drunk, what does 'taking it out on DS' actually mean? Shouting? Hitting? Chillier emotional abuse? It might be hard to listen to, or it might show that accounts of the father's state are exaggerated. But improving communication will be good thing all round, and will help you to work out what you need to equip your DS with to stay safe.

[avenueone]

Titchy is isn't just a `feeling' it is a report of what her DS is being exposed to and a judge would take note. I accept that 16 is a difficult age and if the OP can chat to him it would help. Contact can be in many forms it doesn't have to expose the DS to what the OP feels is happening.

[Portofino]

Avenue - I have been there personally. A 16 yo's view holds great weight with the court. Of equally if your son is not happy to go there - there is not a court in the land that will make him.

[Lizzy1975]

OP, I would suggest you look for a local Al-Anon meeting for yourself and an Ala-Teen meeting for your son. You will both find support there from those in a similar situation to yourselves.