Where can I get help for my 17 year old son?

[Turnip12]

Hi - I am very new on here but didn't know where else to turn. My 17 year old son has got him self in to lots of trouble both with the police and with family, he has no job, his girlfriend ended their relationship and he said he has suicidal thoughts but refuses to see the doctor.

I have been a single parent for 25 years (I have an older son) and have always worked full time to try and provide the best for them. Unfortuantely my 17 year old has always been very difficult and was diagnosed with Conduct Disorder when he was 13 and subsequenly Statemented after being excluded from 3 secondary schools.

He stole a large amount of money from me a few years ago and despite pressing charges, the consequence was he just had to visit a social worker each week - hence this hasn't done anything to prevent him from stealing and he has continued to steal from friends and family over the past few years.

Finally, 4 weeks ago a got him a small car for his 17th Birthday which he took out without permission, hit a tree, wrote the car off and ended up in hospital having plastic surgery on his leg - very lucky boy! We are awaiting a court date. Since then he stole from our lodger and used his cc to shop online - awaiting another court date.

I really am at the end of my tether - he truly believes he hasn't done anything wrong but still says he feels suicidal.

I'm trying my best to find somewhere that he can talk to somebody who will explain the consequences of his constant stealing/bad behaviour, as well as try and get him some much needed help.

Apologies for my post being so long - I really needed to get this off my chest :

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I don't know what Conduct Disorder is, sorry, but is your son being represented legally for the crimes he's committed? Sometimes they can put it forward that treatment for a mental health condition should be part of the sentence.

[sensesworkingovertime]

Turnip I'm so sorry you are having such a bad time with your son. You are certainly right in that he trying to get the outside help, all this is beyond your control. And like you said he needs to realise consequences to himself and those around him. There must be some professional help somewhere but it's knowing which channels to go through, try the obvious ones e.g. GP etc, see what's in the phone book, check out any support groups at the library or on the internet.

I am assuming you thought that the freedom of a car might help him find a job? Perhaps spending (a lot of)money on him isn't the best thing at the moment as it might be sending him the wrong messages that he can steal and no one will mind because he'll still get these things bought for him. It's tricky for you and I don't have any cut and dried answers only my opinion which is uneducated about this disorder, so sorry if this hasn't helped.

Hope all goes well and this improve for you and DS soon.

[FizzyLaces]

Have you ever heard of fairbridge? They may be able to offer him something?

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

I was about to say Fairbridge too!

[FizzyLaces]

The Fairbridge website says 'According to a Home Office survey, 3.95% of the 16-25 population have offended. We recognise the strength of our programmes to help offenders and ex-offenders break the offending cycle and fulfil their aspirations. In some regions and countries we run a leaving prison mentoring project.'

[FizzyLaces]

:) ItsAllGoingToBeFine They do wonderful work, don't they?

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

Yup, I am an ex employee and they really are fantastic and I have seen some amazing turn-arounds.

[FizzyLaces]

You must be fab, ItsAll, the staff I have met are really well suited to the role and are so enthusiastic and dedicated :)

[treefumaster]

also YoungMinds have a parents helpline and an online forum which might be helpful in pointing you in the right direction for help with your son from the perspective of mental health. I think it can be difficult to know where to access help, particularly when the person concerned is not quite in the children's services world and not quite in the adults' services world. Worth exploring?

[Turnip12]

Thank you all so much for your advice - I will certainly follow up some of the leads. My DS has been linked to social services etc for the past 6 years and no constructive help has been offered. I truly want to get him help before he really does follow the wrong path in life.

[Turnip12]

I had never heard of conduct disorder. I was told for years that he had ADHD or ADD but the final diagnosis was conduct disorder which I fear was just a way of putting a label on his behaviour. As well as feeling he needs to understand the consequences (for which there are none until he is 18) I really do want to get him some help.

[Turnip12]

Thank you - it isn't even a case of spending lots of money - I'm a full time working single mum so the cash was hard earned and not exactly spare - thought I was giving him a good start out!

[FizzyLaces]

Best of luck Turnip. I am sure with the support of a loving Mum, he'll turn out just fine :)

[Turnip12]

Hi - Fairbridge looks amazing and working for a chairty, some of my colleagues are aware of it via the Princes Trust. Unfortunately they have centres in most cities but not Oxford!

[NameGotLostInCyberspace]

Elmore team are in Oxford. Try them or ask for redirection for your son's age group. They are for MH and people that fall throuigh the gap. Hope you get the help you need.

[NameGotLostInCyberspace]

www.elmorecommunityservices.org.uk/
01865 200130 :)

[1Musteatcakenow]

There are a few things that you can do at home for conduct disordered youngsters but it isn't easy. The diagnosis changes at eighteen to antisocial personality disorder which is also something to bear in mind, but this is only if behaviour persists. CBT is a great therapy to try as it looks at beliefs which are faulty thinking amongst many other things and is also available on the NHS. A parenting course on parental management training can help too, it isn't to teach how to parent, it is to teach how to parent where conduct problems are occurring. It can be really tough, but there can also be light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck with it.