Should I be worried about my neighbours?

[ixel]

Our semi has very thin walls, so you can hear everything from next door and their 4 kids. The kids always seem very polite etc when we see them, and we never hear them playing up. But the parents are TERRIBLE. They dont hit them or anything, but:

1. They swear at them ALL the time, usually at least one 'f'ing' per sentence, and I've heard the Mum call one of them a c**t before now.
   
2. They are constantly shouting at them about cleaning, which begins at 6.30am, and carries on after school.
   
3. The baby is often shouted at to shut up (10monthsish), and was told he'd have his head knocked off once.
   
4. At 3.30am this morning, the eldest was called out of bed to stop the baby crying (he's about 14).
   
5. The Mum always tells them how much she hates them, and how they have ruined her life, and one day she'll kick them out, or wont be there when they get home.
   
6. They dont always seem to be out of the house during school hours, so I think they're missing at least some education.
   
   I'm worried both for the kids - it seems like a crap life to me - and also because ds is becoming aware now, and he'll pick up the language soon.
   Or do you think I'm reading too much into it? The parents are polite when they say hello in the street etc. I know everyone has off days, but I've only ever heard the Mum be nice once, to the baby. Maybe I'm overreacting because its so easy to hear their private lives?
   
   The kids are about 14 and 12 (from previous marriage), and 3 and 10months.

[Toots]

That sounds hideous. I'm really sorry for you. And for their kids.

[Piffle]

Crikey, ummm maybe ring childline and ask their advice? Abuse is abuse whether verbal or not
I mean we all ahve bad days but if this is constant those kids could be really damaged emotionally...
Why keep having them one wonders....

[4blue1pink]

Ring someone...................soon

[edam]

sounds awful. Piffle's idea about Childline might be good - at least give you the chance to talk to someone who'd know if there is anything that should/could be done.

[jco]

ixel i don't think you are over reacting at all. Your neighbours are being abusive to their kids. you know you can report them to scial services without giving your name, you can also do the same by contacting the nspcc, again you don't have to give your own details

[pablopatito]

I suspect that this kind of behaviour is quite common in thousands of homes. Unless there is physical abuse I'm not sure there is anything that can be done about it is there?

[wannaBe1974]

Wow do you live in the same street as my mum perhaps? her neighbour sound identacle to yours - she says the dad in particular is always screaming at the kids and the F word is in constant use. Poor kids haven't got a chance in hell, but tbh I think if you rang social services they're not likely to take action unless there is evidence of physical neglect, could be wrong though.

I was in a similar situation when lived in cardiff, woman next door was a single mum with two small kids and she constantly screamed at them, day and night, I seriously considered ringing social services but was never really sure whether to get involved. it turned out the kids were just little sh*ts and she just wasn't coping that well on her own.

[Greensleeves]

Wow, that OP takes me back to the good old days

If they were my neighbours, I would do something. I'm not sure what though - it's a balance between helping the kids (and your own family!) and risking having it backfire on them. I would probably try Childline and get advice from them on how to proceed. This sort of emotional battery is abusive, whether she hits them or not.

[ixel]

Yeah, I do wonder whether she's just got depression or something. Is not the kind of thing you can ask when you dont know someone that well!
And I'm worried about reporting anything... I dont want to accuse someone unfairly, plus its going to be obvious where it came from, as we're the only ones joined on. Although our neighbours on the other side of us said they can hear them whe the windows are open.
Also, my sister in law swears alot, but she's not a terrible Mum (altough I wouldn't leave ds with her), and I cant imagine reporting her.
Its got worse recently, because they've all swopped bedrooms. So the parents are now in the one by the ours, and they're sooo noisy compared to the kids. I'm due to give birth on Saturday, and I keep wondering if the baby will manage to sleep in our room. The people we bought the house from took out a noise nuisance order thing because of the music. To be honest , that hasn't been too bad lately (and their kids are all used to it by now), but I just hate the shouting etc. I have visions of them complaining if our baby cries and we don't shout at it to shut up!!!

[georginars]

Do try Childline and take their advice. I know it's horrible, but it sounds a little more than just swearing at them IMO. Especially if they are off school as well....if your gut tells you something is wrong, then you are probably right.

[controlfreaky]

emotional abuse is as much abuse as physical abuse

[beejay]

A friend of mine was severely emotionally abused as a child ( by a seemingly nice middle class mother). He says he wishes that someone had intervened.
I know it's a hard call but if Social services got involved well at least they might be able to offer the family some more support.

[controlfreaky]

social services / nspcc

[winnie]

If you are concerned, which you obviously are, contact social services ot nspcc. YOu can do this without leaving your name.

[WigWamBam]

You can ring the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000 - they can give you advice on the best thing to do. You don't have to report them, just ask for advice on whether they think anyone else should be involved.

[mumatuks]

I'm just being really noseyand wondering what you decided to do Ixel? It sounds terrible for you having to live next to them and it must be worse for those poor little kiddies.

Hope it all works out.

[expectingsummerihope]

This sounds horrible. I hate to sound cynical but no one ever seems to turn out good when they've gone down the social services route. That doesn't mean you shouldn't call them - I actually think you should. It's just so sad that there's no magic wand in such cases. Doomed if stay with parents, doomed if put in care . Chances are if you call SS they'll try to work with the family to resolve the issues. I really hope this works as it must be very upsetting to hear children being spoken to in this way.

[Sugarmag]

Can i just say that Childline is really a service designed to talk directly to children and young people. Although they will talk to an adult on a one-off basis if they phone with concerns about a child, it's not really what the service is for. They probably would however, try and help to point you in the right direction, whether that's SS or NSPCC or even the police I'm not sure. I believe that if you phone SS services they are obliged to investigate. If you phone the NSPCC they may be more able to offer you advice without having to take the situation further as long as there are no allegations of abuse. Not sure if any of that helps. It does sound dreadful and I really don't know what I would do.

[Greensleeves]

Phoning SS is like poking a wasp's nest unfortunately. Unless you're really sure active intervention is necessary, I would go for NSPCC. They are likely to take a more measured approach.

[melrose]

Definitely phone the NSPCC helpline, this is designed for this sort of thing, Childline (now part of NSPCC) is for kids to call.

[melrose]

tHis may be of use to you ixel:
NSPCC

[ixel]

I took the safe option, which was to fill in the NSPCC online questionnaire, but did it anonymously, and did point out that maybe I'm making too much of it, but gave as much detail as I could. Its bizarre how little you know about your neighbours when you actually have to put something 'on paper'. I really hope this was the right decision, and I haven't opened a big can of worms.

[Sugarmag]

I think that was really brave of you and probably the right thing to do.

[GillL]

Hi Ixel. My neighbour sounds very similar. She had her kids at 17 and 19 and seems to resent them taking away her freedom. Our walls must be fairly thick because we only hear shouting in the summer when the windows are open but I have never heard her say anything nice to them. She's always shouting at them, saying 'no' all the time and regularly tells them to f off.