How to get a toddler and a six year old to play nicely?

[poppadum]

Hi everyone,

Haven't been here in a while, but got such good advice the last time that I am begging for help once again. I have a 20 month old ds from hell and a usually angelic 6 year old dd. I find it very difficult to find things they can both do together, especially in winter when we can't spend the whole day in the park. DD is insanely jealous of his sister. If I read to her, or play board games, or even just do some colouring, he wants to get on my lap, or break her crayons, or scatter the board game! She then gets really stroppy, and I can't say I blame her. I work mornings, so I can't really give DS one on one time. Then every morning, I have a nightmare trying to get DD ready for school, while DD clings to my skirt and howls.

Can anyone suggest things they can both do together? Or ways to make DD less clingy and destructive? DS would sit down and do puzzles or scribble at this age, but DD doesnt seem to be the sitting down sort.
Should I just ignore DD's tantrums? He does not seem to grasp the concept of waiting for his turn.

[LemonTart]

My sympathies. I have a 2 yr old DD2 who is very possessive of her toys, destructive etc and poor DD1 (5) struggles to put up with it. I have now started putting DD2 to bed with a story, DD1 has her bath and then jumps in our bed. Once DD2 has had her story, I then go and spend a lovely half hour reading and chatting with DD1 about her school day, dong her reading book etc It is our time together. As she knows that she will have my total attention every day, even if only a short time) it has made it easier when she comes home from school if DD2 is playing me up.
I have also started doing play date swaps with friends with similar age children for an hour after school. There are three of us with toddlers and reception age school children. For an hour after school we swap them over - works a treat and they all have their own time out.
As for playing together - sometimes it works but only on DD2?s terms atm DD1 is so patient and lovely with her but DD2 is easily frustrated and annoyed. Cooking is a good one as you can easily delegate easier/harder jobs. I love baking with my girls. DD1 can use the scales, DD2 can stir a big bowl of flour, DD1 can mix different colours for the icing and DD2 loves plonking smarties on the top etc etc Another one they usually are quite good at doing together is arts and crafts. We get a big tub full of bits and pieces out on the kitchen table, plenty of paper, paint glue etc and they both create to their hearts content. DD2 ges most of my attention while DD1 just gets on with it. Very messy and def supervised but at least they share the same activity at their own level without too much fighting (as long as there are 2 glue sticks!)
I have yet to find a consistently successful activity that they can do unsupervised for more than a couple of minutes - "muuuuummm, she is breaking my game.." is usually shouted down the stairs within no time at all.
Is there any way before the school run you can make time for DS to be your time together and then find a slot for DD to have her time with you alone? Even if not every day, if they know they will have your attention at some point regularly I think they are less clingy.
Will keep my eye on this thread for other ideas to help as there are no obv solutions

[pebblemum]

I have a similar dilemma to you. I have 2 ds's aged 8.9yrs and 2.4yrs. They are total opposites, my ds1 likes nothing more than sitting down reading, colouring etc when he cant go out but ds2 just wants to run around, annoying his brother. This leads to major problems in our house and I worry that it will get to the point where ds1 resents having a little brother.

Its awkward when we go on days out too as we need to find something that will amuse both boys at the same time. DS1 enjoys theme parks, zoos etc but ds2 is often too small to enjoy most of the attractions on offer. Even swimming is difficult as ds2 only ever wants me with him and ds1, of course, wants me to watch and play with him. Sometimes it feels as though I am being torn in two, ds1 deserves just as much attention as ds2 but where ds2 is younger he demands more.

Sorry i cant offer advice if i knew what to do I would be the happiest mum on earth

[tegan]

Same here guys. DD1 is 7.9 yrs and DD2 is 21 months. But they do have their moments, just not that many of them.

[poppadum]

I just wanted to thank everyone for their comments, and to apologise for my terrible rudeness in not thanking you earlier! My life ran away with me and I forgot about this post. I feel better now that i know everyone is in this position. I'' just have to wait it out.