At what age should I have the 'sex' talk to my boys?

[thankgodformerlot]

My eldest boy is nearly 8yrs old. When do I need to talk to him about 'the birds & the bees'. I don't want to tell him too early and take all his innocence away, but I want to tell him before he hears it all at school.

[meditrina]

Better crack on with it asap then.

I can guarantee it'll be going round the playground at that age - from those who have elder siblings, or from girls who reach puberty at a younger age and really do need to know at about this time.

It's not really a question of innocence - it's more the bodily changes in growing up and basic functions of the human body. The more matter of fact the better. And if you can, avoid a "set piece" chat. Answer questions as they come up (know anyone having a baby? Often leads to useful spontaneous questions). Or look out for other events from which it can naturally flow.

[DamselInDisarray]

Buy him a good, age-appropriate book. Knowing about the biological functions of your body is absolutely no threat to anyone's innocence. Puberty can start as young as 9 in boys, so much of it may be very relevant earlier than you were hoping. Once he understands the facts and processes, you can talk about the social side of things as and when it comes up.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

IMHO they're never too young to start. In our house, the thing that prompted the first chat was watching a lamb being born in an episode of 'The Tweenies' would you believe. DS was 4 and his question straight after watching the lamb hit the straw was ... 'is that how babies are born too?'. That got the ball rolling nicely with 'birth' and we've chatted about it and added other bits of age-appropriate information whenever the subject has come up since.

Hasn't he asked you any questions up to now? They only covered off actual sex education as a topic in my DS's school when they got to the last term of Y6. I think they should know the basics well before that and also well before some grubby kid in the playground frightens the bejeezers out of them with some fairy-story about pregnancy and toilet seats :)

[101North]

yep. Get in there before he learns all sorts of nonsense from those little fools at school!
You don't need to be TMI with him though at this stage, let him take the lead and encourage questions, rather than handing out the birds and bees lecture.

What fun!

[AMumInScotland]

Knowing about sex will not take his innocence away. You should start telling him age-appropriate levels of information now, and add more as he gets older. You don't have to wait for some perfect moment to tell him everything in one go.

He needs to know about puberty, things like wet dreams, and the basics of how pregnancy happens. There are a number of books available for this kind of age, if you're uncomfortable or can't decide which things to include and which to leave out.

BTW many DC even when they know how pregnancy happens will not connect it with the whole "Kissing and cuddling" they see around them, if that's what you mean by "innocence". They do need to see the connection eventualy, but not at 8 if you don't want to point it out specifically.

[Octaviapink]

I agree - as soon as possible. But don't Sit Him Down For A Big Talk - he just needs to know what some other bits of his body do, just as he learnt that food went into his mouth and down into his stomach when he was 2. If he's 8 there's probably already stuff he knows, or thinks he knows. If you want to start things off, you could ask him about babies - see what he's already aware of.

[ninjasquirrel]

I don't think that it's about having a 'big talk', just answering questions as they come up. If you're worried maybe buy him a general 'how your body works' book (I had one of these as a child - it was great, covered everything - how wounds heal, how hair grows, how the heart works) which will cover the basics, then you can get him another book more focused on puberty if you feel you need to.

[deemented]

DS2 has known about where babies come from for several years. He also knows how they get there, and why. He is seven. I find telling him the age appropriate truth best.


DSS, however, is 12 and knows not a thing. He has ASD and i spoke to him last night about puberty and the changes his body is going through.

[thankgodformerlot]

Thanks guys, had a gut feeling you were going to say 'now'. he knows babies are made in mummmys tummy and daddy puts the 'seed' in, but he doesnt know how it gets there. but we were watching 'The Simpsons' the other day and watching Marge & Homer cuddling in bed and he turned around and said "there having sex"... I nearly fell off the sofa!! so I suppose I really should do it now as it is obviously being spoke about on the playground. Now, here's the next question,.....I have a second son, who is fourteen months younger,so is 6, a couple of months of 7.DO I talk to both at the same time or just the eldest?.

[deemented]

I'd talk to them both at the same time, tbh.

[BastardDog]

I found the library do some good books on the subject. Different styles for different ages. I got my son a book when he was 9, another at 10 and another at 11, each one becoming more in depth and explicit. He's never been that comfortable talking about it with me, so the book means he can read it alone if he wants to and chat to me about any bits he doesn't understand. They get their first nitty, gritty input in school in year 6. Before year 6 it's all a bit vague.