Poor old DS1 is crushed

[ExpectoPatronum]

My very gentle DS1 is 6yrs 9 months old (Yr2).

He's very imaginative and thoughtful, really not into stereotypical boy stuff like football, martial arts, Star Wars and the like (I have DS2 for that!). He tends towards being quite anxious and lacking self esteem.

Anyway, in September he started going to a local music / drama club, and straight away he absolutely loved it. They take children from Yr 2 up to Yr 10/11s (grouped appropriately), most of the adult organisers have day jobs as teachers / TAs, so it's pretty well run, and he was overjoyed to find a club full of boys like him.

Last week they sent home a letter saying that they would be holding auditions during the next session for parts in the Christmas play. He was absolutely adamant that he was going to audition (heart set on being a shepherd).

I was a bit torn then, because I really didn't think he would get a part, so I explained to him all about how the audition process worked, and how not everyone would get a part, and that probably even Rupert Grint (his favourite actor ever) was rejected for parts. But he was determined to give it a go.

Anyway, he's come home this evening with a very brave face on but then just lost it at bedtime and sobbed his little socks off - needless to say he hasn't got any part as anything and he's devastated.

So I've reiterated all my previous Rupert Grint chat, plus told him about times that his daddy or I have missed out on things, and told him how very proud I am of him for being brave enough to try, and that I understand he's disappointed but he won't feel like that forever.

Problem is, he's now saying he just doesn't want to be in it at all (he's still able to be in the choir).

If you were me, would you let him leave it on the basis that he's only 6 and his confidence has been knocked, or really try to encourage him to do it on the basis that it's character building?

(before anyone points it out to me, I do know that these are classic first world problems and really no biggie.... but then I'm 35 and DS1 is only 6)

[winnybella]

I would tell him to still go ahead and be a part of the choir, definitely.

I wish that when I was a child my mother pushed me more and didn't let me give up after the first disappointment.

You don't want to get into a habit of just giving up iyswim. He'll probably have a lot of fun anyway.

[pookamoo]

But it is a biggie for your poor DS and therefore also for you!

I would encourage him to stay, could you look online for interviews with Rupert Grint where he talks about auditions?

I think you're handling it all very sensibly and very well, fwiw.

[branson]

It will still be very raw at the moment. I would strongly encourage him to go back next week. When he finds out who he will be with in the choir and what the songs are then it will be easier to be more positive. If older children have got the good parts then he will be able to see that its something he will be able to do when he is bigger and has been going longer.

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

Aww, poor wee scone! I'd tell him he doesn't have to decide right now about being in the choir, and give him a couple of days to lick his wounds. It sounds like you are doing all the right things- he's lucky to have a lovely mum who takes his disappointment seriously. I'm sure he'll eventually get over it, and probably will enjoy being in the choir, but it's probably a bit sore at the minute.

I am dreading this year as dd1 is finally in P4, when they play the main rolesin the nativity. Since P1 she has been determined that she will be Mary. Nothing else will do. I have been preparing her for the last 3 years for possible disappointment, but I'm sure it will still hurt (unless by some Christmas miracle she actually does get to be Mary!)

Hope your ds bounces back soon!

[Happydogsaddog]

Maybe explain about learning from the others, watch how they do it iyswim. When I was younger I went to karate and watched another pupil do her "grading" she had really rigid arms and grunted alot so when I was up I just copied what she did and I double graded (this is prob gobbledy gook to you but you get the picture) also agree with previous poster about wishing parents had pushed us a bit harder. He will get over it and will enjoy all the excitement of a big show and family coming to see him far more than just leaving and never having the buzz of it all. Also he's found a group of like minded kids, its not worth losing those friendships, come January all the fuss will be over and he will still have those friendships. Hope this helps, its been a wee bit long

[ChippingIn]

Oh poor little love :(

I would tell him that it's very important that everyone does their bit for the show - whether that's as a lead/general cast/choir/backstage/lighting/front of house - without everyone there would not be a show. Tell him it isn't nice to walk away just because you didn't get the part you wanted.

Also explain to him that he's young & new this time, next time he will be older, have more experience & be more established (explain things like being reliable/on time/work ethic etc).

Remind him how these are people who like the things he likes and that to find friends like that is quite special and shouldn't be thrown away because something hasn't gone your way, this time.

You are never to young to learn a good lesson :)

[ExpectoPatronum]

Yes, I tend to agree with you all. It's really important that they develop the resilience needed to bounce back, because life is full of little setbacks.

I've told him that when we come to see the show, I don't care if he's St Joseph or three rows back in the choir, it will be him we've come to see.

Hasn't helped of course that his mate who is also only just 7 has got a principal part, which of course slightly undermines my line about how perhaps you need to be there a bit longer and be a bit older first.

Anyway, onwards and upwards!

[ChippingIn]

Well his friend is 7, he's still 6

Has his friend been there longer??

[ExpectoPatronum]

@Chipping

Sadly, the friend started the same week he did, and he's only 3 months older than DS1 (turned 7 this week). But the friend does come from a very musical family (e.g. whole family practising around the piano type scenario), whereas the musical education of our children extends about as far as DH putting his Guns n Roses CDs on in the car and telling the DC about his youth.

DS1 hasn't mentioned any of it this morning. However, I'm packing to go away for the weekend and he asked me to make sure I packed his music folder so he can practise, so I think he's going to persevere.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I'm glad he's going to stick with it. Once he's over the initial disappointment he'll love being in the chorus. Being an old am-drammer myself, advantages of not having a main part are ... it's less pressure not having to learn lines or solos, you're a very important part of the production, you can perfect the art of 'acting off the lines', and if you're really crafty you can upstage the leads!!!

[Marymaryalittlecontrary]

Aww, bless him wanting to practise while he's away for the weekend! That sounds very dedicated, and it will pay off for him eventually. I'm glad he's going to persevere. I don't think children should be forced to continue things they don't enjoy, but he obviously does enjoy this and is just very disappointed. Hopefully once he's at the practices etc he will discover that it still is lots of fun being in the choir.

[racingheart]

He sounds so lovely. Don't raise his hopes, but a lot can happen between now and Christmas. Children get ill or have to go on family outings. If he turns up, and stays focused he might get handed a part further down the line. If you're at all pushy you could always have a quiet word with the show director and say he was very keen to be in it, so if anyone drops out, would she bear him in mind.
Anyway, singing in a choir is some of the best fun you can have on stage.