Two and a half year old - what works for yours? Star chart, naughty step, taking toys away or what??

[ScarlettButler]

My charming 2.6 year old has just exploded into a full on teenage toddler. So far I have managed to deal with when naughty by counting to three and making her aware she has to do stuff by then, trying to be consistent, praising when does good stuff and sparing use of (v short) time out if needed.
This all worked ok up to about 10 days ago when...waargh. I don't know what the toddler equivalent of puberty hitting is, but it has done. It's probably connected to going to pre-school and having to toughen up/seeing other children's behaviour/feeling insecure because of new experience. But she just won't do what I say if she's in a mood, LOTS of ear-splitting screeching, hitting, kicking etc. Not fun for any of us.
So...I'm sure this is an extreme bit and she'll calm down. But it has made me realise I need to think seriously about how I am going to deal with her in future. What should I do? And how should I do it?

[wigglesrock]

I ignore, ignore, ignore, not ignoring the bad behaviour but ignoring her, I tell her I'm not going to speak to her until she has calmed down and then I sit down and do something else. Mine thought the naughty step was fun and associated star charts with potty training. Seriously absolutely no attention for hitting, shouting, screaming, I know it can be easier said than done but it works/worked for my dds. After they have calmed down, a quick hug and a very quick chat about how they were behaving.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I agree 100% with ignoring. Say as little as possible and walk away. Step over them if you have to. It's not rewarding at all having a paddy if no-one's paying any attention. When they're finished making a commotion and come to you, then you talk to them again about what they have to do. Lots of praise when it gets done nicely, of course.

You've reminded me actually... my DM never got the hang of this one with DS. In her defence, unlike me and my DB, DS has a quick a temper so I'm not sure she'd experienced 'the tantrum' much before. However, she would wind the job up trying to hug him, placate him, distract him, telling him he was a good boy . He would end up this furious purple gargoyle, yelling blue murder and I'd be in the next room shouting at her to leave him alone because everything was escalating.

[Elk]

Agree with wiggle,.Ignore tantrums, step over them as they lie on the floor screaming and go and be busy doing something if necessary. Dd2 was terrible for screaming, if I told her not to, she just did it again so again I ignored her. Any hitting/biting/kicking was met with a sharp 'NO .......' and then I walked off.

Once she has calmed down lots of hugs, and a quick how you would like them to behave in that situation in the future and then move on.

[ScarlettButler]

Thank you for all this great advice. Can I just ask - how do you deal if DC kicks off in public - in partic refusing to do what you say etc

[Meglet]

Ignoring sometimes works. Although if my DD is hitting me then ignoring it just makes her hit harder. If she bites she goes in her room with the stairgate and door shut.

[ScaredTEECat]

I ignore it even in public. I actually stood over my son once in the middle of a busy shopping centre, reading my iPhone, while he literally kicked and screamed in the middle of the floor.

When he finally calmed down we had a cuddle, still in the middle of the floor, and went on with our day.

[Tw1nkle]

Ignore definately.
I have used reward charts, but only when they've been for things like using the potty - a star each time, a present when chart is full.

I did try the 'copy' technique, which my daughter hates - I copy her - she screams, I scream!!! Quite hilarious, but it does work!!! Never tried it in public.

I ignore in public too, but do try and remove us from wherever it is happening. It doesn't really bother me if people stare!!!

[maxpower]

As long as the DC is safe, ignoring bad/poor behaviour worked for us. At home, we also used the naughty step to good effect.

I have to say, IME, we could read the signs when DD was going to play up and would use distraction techniques to prevent getting to that point.

I'd also mention that if your DC has only just started nursery, she's probably extra tired too.

Good luck, the terrible two's can be tough but with my DD the fraught five's have been worse

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Still ignore in public. Make to walk off. It's a tough kid that would prefer to stay where they are yelling if darling mamma looks like she's going to abandon them :)