ok, its been two months and i get it. Now, can I have my life back?(14 Posts)
hi, im a firsttime mum of amazing 2 month old girl. i have been on a high so far and am loving my labour of love, but im starting to crave routine and some time and energy to be more than a mummy again.
im talking about stuff like KNOWING when ill have a shower each day, having the energy to pack up little one and go for coffee (alone! not sociable yet!) and about two hrs a day to do some freelance work.
anyone have any practical tips on how to achieve this?
It's early days - you'll get there soon.
The first months are so hard. It gets much easier/more predictable. Hang in there. Sorry to sound like an old fart, but seriously, the time flies by. Ds1 is at school now and I barely see him.
The years fly by. Tha hours last forever
Hmmm, not sure about getting the 2 hours a day to work just yet, but it'll come...
I found the Baby Whisperer helpful the first time to get into a loose "routine" (or pattern if that's a better word). AFter following her advice for a while I found dd1 did start doing the sleep...wake....feed..."play"...sleep thing in a vaguely recogisable pattern. I think most babies eventually fall into this rythm naturally anyway but you can probably encourage it by recognising their cues. (if the baby cooperates....). After a while you will probably get to the short sleep in the morning and a couple of hours after lunch which goes on for a while but two months is still very young.
I can't help with the going out as I was up and out a few days after getting home from the hospital, I was far too bored sitting at home alone. Do you find it daunting to take the baby out?
Maybe also have a look at Gina Ford. Lots of people will come on and shoot the idea down, but it might have some useful ideas for you. Don't feel you need to have been up, showered, dressed and have had exactly 2 slices of toast by 7.05am though....
I'm with you, fulllife. DS is nine weeks and we have been very baby-led so far but I am now looking to introduce a vague routine or at least pattern to our days. Coincidentally I just ordered the Baby Whisperer book this morning. DS is a very grazy feeder - two hours plus per feed sometimes - and takes short naps (longer if I take him out in the sling). He won't sleep in cot or Moses basket but only on me and never sleeps longer than 3 hours max.
If you don't have a sling I recommend them - he always sleeps in it and so I can go for a walk or shopping or whatever for a couple of hours. Re getting out, you just have to go for it - it gets easier and you gain confidence each time.
Would love to hear any tips for introducing a routine from those who have been there!
With the time to work, it might be worth investing in a play gym if you don't already have one. They're not cheap, but it's one of the best baby things we've bought and well worth the money for us. My son started taking a proper interest in the gym at around 3 months, and now at 5 months he loves it, and will happily entertain himself rolling round and grabbing at things for half an hour at a time. I find I can blitz bits and pieces of work on the laptop while he's doing this. It wouldn't be ideal if it's work you need to really concentrate on (mine has recently developed a high-pitched happy-scream that shatters any thought you're in the middle of) but if you can work in short bursts it might help you get some stuff done.
Wait another month or two. Seriously, I'm not joking.
Many children start having a longer middayish nap from around 4 -6 months, although many others do it earlier.
Re the shower, just do it! Put her in a bouncy chair in the bathroom, and get on with it whenever suits you. Ideally I found if I did it straight after the morning feed but before a nap, I'd have a good window of opportunity.
Re coffee, etc, put her in a sling or pushchair, get out and about as much as possible. Keep a bag for going out so you don't have to pack it each time, with muslins, nappies, wipes, raincover, etc in, grab it and go. I spent hours just wandering around town with my first, walking the dogs, going to library, shops, coffee, whatever. Mine were rubbish sleepers but spent hours asleep in the sling. Find somewhere you're comfortable breastfeeding while out if that's issue for you so you can always head there if needed.
I did manage to get some work done while they played, and just had to vary the setting for them; baby gym for a bit, in the carrycot in the garden looking at the clouds or trees if the weather was nice, in the sling, and it did improve with time. Also at about 8 weeks I started giving them a 'bedtime' aiming for 7pm and doing bath, change into a fresh babygrow and feed to sleep, then working while they slept in the moses basket next to me.
It does get easier, but your baby is still tiny and wants the security of you next to her, but this will lessen imperceptibly over time. You'll be fine.
I second AngelDog <waves> - two months is still very young to get them into a routine (unless you're a Ford/Hogg devotee and are determined!!). I think DD started to naturally settle into a routine from about three and a half months.
You could try and impose a routine on your LO and see what happens - some babies respond very well. But if your LO has other ideas about how they want to eat/sleep/feed etc.. it's reasonable to try and work with that rather than force the issue.
Yes to a sling!!!
One tip for getting out (and yes, it does take time to build up the confidence) - get a grab bag/daypack together with wipes, muslin, spare nappies and changing mat (just use a towel or something if you don't have one), a change of clothes and whatever you need for feeding. That way you don't need to start from scratch every time you think about setting foot outside the door. Just top up wipes/replace nappies and clothes etc. as necessary.
A couple of hours a day for working may need the co-operation of your OH (if you have one on the scene) and likewise having a regular shower. Although it's worth remembering that many babies find the sound of a shower very soothing - one friend of mine would just pop her baby in the pram and wheel it into the bathroom when she needed to shower (or just outside the open door if you don't have the space) - or alternatively, use a bouncy or swinging chair .
Lastly, congratulations! nethuns was spot on about the days flying by and the hours lasting forever...! You'll be amazed at how quickly things change.
Ha ha, X-posted with Stormwater...! Great minds....
thanks at the helpful suggestions!
re taking out baby: i live in a very hot climate so taking her outside the house for a stroll is really only an option at night when im so over any desire to do so... anything else during the day therefore turns into a proper "outing" with car ride, folding bugaboo in and out, packing all kinds of just in case items, so unless im very determined i usually just let it be. also, if im out am usually not enjoying much cause i feel like im in a race against time waiting for her to cry ( although shes a v good baby).
anyway i guess youre advice comes down to this:
do what you need to do and let life organize itself around you, also invest in stuff that will entertain her on her own (but then how do you get over the nagging fear that im neglecting her?)
Hi again fulllife - where are you? Are there other expats (assuming you are an expat) with baby's you could meet with? It will probably seem more worth it if there are some people in a similar situation to meet with at the other end? Baby groups etc? It's really important getting a support network around you when your baby is so young, I worry about you sitting alone in your house worrying about getting back into work! (sorry I may be well off the mark and you might have lots of family etc around you!). I say all this because I was there - we lived in a very hot climate when dd2 was 7 months and I found it hard but I did do my best to get out.
I was in Madrid with DD, so can sympathise with the problem of heat. Mind you, DD was still fine in a sling and I would keep us in the shade when we were out, so it wasn't too bad.
You don't sound like the sort of mum who would neglect her DC!!
hi stranded, thanks for ur concern, its the middle east but im here so long im almost "inpatriated" already... its not like im lacking people in my situation around- im just lacking the energy to meet them. i will try and get out more, thought about trying to get dd to bed earlier so i could have a morning coffee stroll until 8...
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