Brats brats brats...

[wahwahwah]

There's one kid in the year who is rude, says 'bad' words and basically bullies other kids - deliberately targeting those to exclude from the games 'you can't play'. Sounds familiar to many mums, I know!

He always targets new kids too - telling them they aren't allowed to play or join in games, telling everyone else that they are stupid/ugly/smelly...

I know that when they are 7/8 this is how kids can behave but his behaviour does seem to 'rub off' on other kids. I have noticed some of the other boys copying his rudeness, name calling, pushing etc.

He has decided that DS 'can't play', but his other friends can. It's as if he is trying to alienate him and take his friends away. He has managed to lose just about every friend he has made so far - they have all moved away and he has had some lovely friends in the past.

DS isn't all that bothered (he says) but when I ask him what he did at lunchtime and he says 'Oh I just walked about by myself'
me 'why?'
DS 'because [brat-faced-brat-the-brat-boy] says I can't play with them me 'what about XXX?'
DS 'oh he was playing with BFBTBB'

I do feel so sad for him!

What can a mummy do? Any thoughts?

[wahwahwah]

Any wise words of advice?

[verybusyspider]

not really sure but didn't want to read and run as know this stuff can be heart breaking to hear constantly
Could you speak (confidentially) with class teacher and see who he plays with/how he's doing?
arange some play dates and help ds build up better friendships so they want to play together more rather than with this other boy? take in football for playtime (can you do that?) and get a game going? how confident is ds and how happy is he? sounds like this other boy is struggling - why not have him over and befriend him? he might be very unhappy himself

finally, does ds do any extra curicular clubs that aren't attached to the school? I was bullied but had a lovely group of friends at scouts and sports clubs, begged to change schools but it wasn't possible but it was lovely that I had a different set of children to play with and it helped my self confidence - not saying its that bad but helps to do non school stuff if school is tricky

[twankie]

this goes on alot with girls I think... I 'coached' my dd into playground survival skills..firstly..DON'T ever ask if you can play..just join in; secondly..if they say still that you can't, just say..that's fine..there's plenty of other people to play with (this removes their power..which is what it's all about really)..it shows their actions have limited effect and they will hopefully therefore stop. thirdly, it repositions your child as 'powerful'.. as partly responsible for who he plays with. And, lastly, do encourage him to make differnt friends so he has a wideer range of kids at his disposal...invite others for playdates..widen his circle of friends. Hope this helps!

[Doodlez]

I feel your pain. Met a few kids like this now. Agree with twankie - got to shift the power emphasis. Get DS to say to brat-kid..."Who put you in charge of the whole world!??" Undermine his power. Your DS can also talk quietly to one or two other boys..."Have you noticed Brat-kiddo always tells everyone who can and can't play! It's rubbish, he's not in charge of the whole playground". Plant's the seed in the other childrens' minds that Brat-kiddo is pushing them around too.