top tips to end the sibling squabbling!

[sun1234]

I have to hold my hands up... I have no idea how to end my 2 Dc bickering. I've tried everything i can think of but it still goes on endlessly. I counted three, separate times in the last 60 minutes. Anyone got a better idea short of infanticide?

[Tommy]

only have 1 child?

[sun1234]

ok wrong term - they are not babies. they are 7 & 9 year old boys with a strong sense of being hard done by their brother.

[Tommy]

sorry... not very helpful. I've given up trying to stop my 3 unless one of them is actually seriously hurting another one or the insults get beyond my "boundaries"....

not sure there is anything you can do really but will be watching this thread with interest!

[sun1234]

tommy - so bump one of them off you mean? it would work but might bring other problems to my door!

[seeker]

Ignore, ignore,ignore.

[sun1234]

apart from anything else it just gets very boring. God Tommy - 3! That's 3 times as many bickering combinations. You have my sympathy.

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

Armed response unit is the only way.

[ChunkyMonkeyMother]

Coming from a 23 year old who used to bicker consgtantly with her brother - I agree with Tommy - I still bicker with him and would have greatly appreciated being an only child!

That probably doesn't help but perhaps ship one off to deepest darkest peru? I know I would have thanked my mum and dad endlessly for that ha ha make sure you keep your favourite one

Other than that try some activities where they have to do stuff together, like one of them setting a treasure hunt and the other completing it, but they both get a prize once its completed - Might sound a bit far but look for some team building exercises to do with them, make them appreciate what they have - my Mother used to seperate us so often we have no common interests ... Failing that bring in the big guns and tell them Father Christmas is WATCHING!

[workshy]

my 2 girls are 7&9

they fought constantly until about 6 months ago and then I sat down and had a really hard think about what was going on and I realised it was

'K be nice to your little sister'
'K don't be mean, let her play'
'K she didn't mean it, she's only 7'

why was I expecting my 9 year old to spend all her time with her little sister?? well actually it's because the 7 year old whined -alot! and my expectation was that my 9 year old would be the sensible one

I love my best friend but if I spent all my time with her we would probably get fed up with each other too

so I have started making sure my 9 year old gets time by herself -if her bedroom door is shut then the 7 year old is not allowed in -it took the 7 year old a couple of weeks to get this rule but the result is that they now choose to spend time with each other and play so much more nicely together because they are not on top of each other all the time -they now describe each other as friends, although it's never going to be perfect it's sooooooo much better than it was

peace reigns lol

[Bohica]

Ignore themuntil the urge to bump them both off gets to tempting and then send them to their rooms.

I've banned my 3 from talking to each other before, and I lasted the whole afternoon They were begging to be able to play with each other.

Mine argue over who has the most water in a glass, it's tap water ffs.

[sun1234]

it usually kicks off when my 9 year old decides to scold my 7 year old (ie what he says is technically right but it would annoy anyone to have their mistakes pointed out like that).
The other main reason happens when my 7 year old decides that he MUST have 51% of everything as an absolute minimum.

A complete ban on speaking might be the answer.

[reelingintheyears]

Threaten to Bang their heads together.

[yellowsubmarine41]

Munsnet bingo - i'll be the first to recommend 'Siblings without rivalry' by the same authors as 'How to talk...'

I read it when dc2 was a week old, as i had such an awful relationship with my sibling, I couldn't bear my two going through something similar.

Had some very useful tips re 'it's not fair', 'she's got more than me' etc.

My two are 4 and 2 and definitely get on much better when they spend time apart from each other.

[Tommy]

one of the things is about mine is that the older 2 - (9 and 8) are really great mates! Neither of can bear it if the other one is not here for any length of time.
It's just niggly, pokey, winding each other up type stuff
And play fighting/bundling that turns into notplay fighting...

[maggiethecat]

Workshy, that is very useful - I think I expect too much of my older dd and dd2 does whine a lot too. Dd1 now often says that she hates her sister and wishes she was never born!

[exoticfruits]

Ignore-unless one is hurting another.

[seeker]

And that's really hurting - with real tears and/or blood. "She's hurting me!!!!' should be treated with scepticism.

[exoticfruits]

I was going to put 'only if killing each other' and then thought people might take it the wrong way!
The favourite was MUUUM.....he's hurting me-something to ignore.

[exoticfruits]

In fact they sometimes still do the 'mum he's hurting me' as a joke-they used to do it so often when young!

[DooinMeCleanin]

Ignore unless there is blood is my tatic. They're pretty good at solving their own conflicts now as they know all they'll get out of me is "I don't want to know"

[fulllife]

hi, just had to drop by. i dont have multiples yet but being married to one half of a squabbling sibling i say DONT IGNORE! some sibling rivalries do not resolve themselves and its such a tragedy when they dont as they seem to take over both parties lifes! its incredible how far these rivalries can reach, im afraid they could end up defining the boys lifes (just assumimg theyre boys...)

[BellaneyMimphus]

Workshy, you seem really clued up about it, I wish you had been my parent, and I wish more parents would think about it this way too. It is very important to me not to do this because it was hell as a child!

I get very sad when I see siblings forced to be together, particularly when they're playing at the house of the friend of ONE of them. That's ONE child who has the friend, the little one is NOT AUTOMATICALLY INCLUDED. It's nice to share but it isn't nice to foist. End rant.

Anyway yes, give each child some good quality parent time without their sibling, too.